We do what we want and that is okay.

My apologies for missing last week's post.  I originally thought I would have time to blog but on my ten day vacation across British Columbia and Alberta I ran out of time.  However, while I cruised from place to place I realized how lucky I was to have so many amazing friends and family who stopped and gave me time, and for those of you who did not, I realized this.  We are all doing what we want, and that is OKAY.  I am not upset or angry at people that cancelled plans or did not show because the truth is we are all living the lives we create.  Sadly not all of us realize this but that is also okay.  I find it interesting when people give me excuses for their absences, because the truth of the matter is if you 100 percent want to do something, you do it.  There is no other truth, unless it is a family tragedy then by all means your reasoning is justified.  The following are three reasons why I believe the above statement:

1) We do what we want.  I see so many people going for dinner, lunches, trips and what they want every day, which is perfect.  However, they have one million excuses for not meeting up for a quick cup of coffee.  This means that coffee is not what they want to do.  It means that coffee is low on the list of priorities.  And, don't worry I do the same thing.  I met a woman on NYE and she was very sweet but we did not have much in common.  I found it challenging to be her friend so when she asked me for coffee I kept rain checking her until she no longer texted.  Why?  Because I was doing what I wanted.  I was going for dinner with my priority friends and doing my daily activities I preferred doing.  It is no one's fault.  I was living, and still am, living the life I wanted and have no regrets.  The truth is you are not going to like everyone and friendships grow.

2) Alternatives.  You know what I loved about this trip. Seeing so many people's homes and children!  While it was also lovely for my friends to have some adult time over lunch too, I really enjoyed going to their beautiful homes and seeing their lives.  I mostly enjoyed when I asked them to meet up that they suggested popping by after nap time as an alternative!  I love when my mom friends accept my childless life and integrate me into theirs with open arms.  The fact that they offered an alternative mode of meeting up rather than dinner out made  me realize that they did truly want to catch up and offered what works for them.  We grow with each friendship and we learn so much!  Every Sunday I drive to Ms. M's place and visit her and her twins because I would not want to spend my Sunday any other way.  The fact that she invites me into her home and offers this alternative that works for both of us makes me realize how much she appreciates my time and wants it.  If you actually want to see someone you will offer what works for you and make it happen, alternatives are part of making things work.

3) It is okay.  I think too many people kbelieve that doing what you want rather than what other's want is a bad thing and it is not.  If you want to go home and eat pizza with your dog then do it.  If you want to go home and watch your children sleep peacefully then do it.  Whatever you want to do, do it.  Life is way to short to be worried about what others are thinking and wanting of you.  You owe no one anything.  We have such a strange view of life that we OWE our friend explanations and hours of our life.  Your life is yours.  Do what makes you happy and what you love.  Too many thoughts are wasted on how to make excuses and how to avoid things, just be honest.  In the above referenced NYE story I was honest with the woman when she asked me to get together I told her what I was doing and that maybe next week we could figure out something.  It was never a lie, it was never an excuse.  I have nothing to lie about.  There is no shame in doing what you want.  Selfish is a word made up by manipulators to make you do what they want.

I do what I want and I expect nothing less from all of you!  And, do it with pride.  This is of course as long as it is not hateful or hurtful to others.  But, if you want to skip your friend's birthday because you don't feel comfortable in crowds explain to them and offer an alternative, if they are your real friend they will understand.  Not wanting to do the same things as others is totally fine, but not offering an alternative and putting in effort also speaks miles.  Thanks for reading!!

Like Sour Milk

I use to hear people say they were aging like a fine wine and for some I can't help but agree.  However, for the majority of us I would say we are aging like milk and every passing year our issues get uglier for the following reasons: 

1) We assume we know everything.  We are full of negativity towards places and people that are different.  I see too many social media posts about how city life is terrible from people who live in small towns...it is not.  The truth is every place has its ups and downs and each place has it's own draw for different people.  We become stuck on our notions of what is good and what we know in stone that we forget people grow and are capable of anything.  We stop learning.  We assume. 

2) To divorce or not to divorce or stay miserably married.  To be brutally honest I would say about ten percent of my married friends are actually happy. Of the other 90 percent 45 percent are alright and the remainder are having affairs, fights, swinging, sleeping in separate rooms, it ain't pretty.   It seems the older we get the more incapable we have become to express our true emotions and stand by them out of fear of being alone.  We reached an age where we decided so many factors mattered more than being happy and this isn't right. 

3) Change is bad.  I hear so many people the older they get that they could never move, or go on a long vacation, or try something new because blah, blah, blah...Change is actually amazing.  Careers and children can be built up around the world.  There is no excuse to abandon your dreams because you settled.  Anything is possible.  And, I see a lot of petty back stabbing and judging of single women travelling the world.  Haters gonna hate.  They ask how she got the money and assume she is sleeping around in her travels.  It is jealousy at its finest.  

4) Issues.  Sadly with divorce, separation and more and more failed relationships as age brings more and more men and women have assumptions.  Turn down your crazy and realize that every single person is different.  While I think age has yet to bring out the best in our generation.  We all need to realize not everyone cheats, not everyone lies, not everyone is the same.  We need to get over our issues and stop being so sour towards each other. 

I love wine. While I do believe there are some people who have truly grown through heart ache and their life changes into beautiful human beings, there are too many people who are turning sour.  Go on that vacation, leave that cheating spouse, go back to school. Go towards your dreams and be happy because life is way to short for all this sour milk. 

It. Is. Just. Facebook.

Recently I had a conversation with a good friend of mine about how people delete "friends" off Facebook. She was sensitive to this.  I also used to be sensitive until I realized these three things:

1) You are not actually friends.  Your deletor probably was cleaning their friend list up and thought "Hmmm, I haven't spoken to this person in a year." So they deleted you.  It was nothing personal.  Remember before social media when you had that friend at your grandma's place, she/he was a neighborhood kid.  You were friends for a week every summer and then your grandma moved.  You lost touch and are not friends.  That is NORMAL.  Social media has forced us to become friends with people we meet in a club bathroom and never speak to again.  Realistically a friend is someone you are friends with by the true meaning.

2) Facebook is an app nothing more, nothing less.  You can delete your account and you would still be pretty much the same person with friends and a family.  It. Is. Just. An. App. It does not define you.  It does not give you value. It is literally a lot of people pretending to be a lot happier than they are.  Don't let an icon with an 'F' on it be so definitive in your emotions.  When your deletor deleted you they probably felt this way and didn't think you would even notice or care. And, you shouldn't.

3) Alright, I know what some of you are thinking.   What if my deletor deleted me to be mean and because they didn't like me. GOOD! Good riddance. Would you rather have a phony friend or worse a dramatic friend making you feel poorly because you didn't fit into their box? No. No one would. Anyone who doesn't appreciate you doesn't deserve to be in your world. Let it go. 

It is always so interesting speaking to different people learning how far you have come and how much happier you are not to worry about others.  Your life is about you not them.