Seven Days and Holding Strong:

[i]

                Seven days in and feeling pretty good, unlike the popular episode of Seinfeld in which Elaine abstains from sex and become increasingly mentally inept I feel the same I as I did on day one.  In fact I do have slightly more energy lately, am feeling happy and have found my vocabulary has increased exponentially.  Perhaps like George in the same episode of Seinfeld I am becoming more mentally acute sans the opposite sex. A Freudian view on sexual sublimation and perhaps this challenge will lead me into a whole new world of promise.  However, that is not to say that this week did not come without its challenges.  There were two obstacles that I overcame this week that shook my confidence in my ability to make it 180 days.  The first and I would have to say will be the biggest challenge to my 180 day hiatus, the night club scene or more directly the alcohol effect.  Statistically 80% of random sexual interactions happen in places that serve alcohol and of these numbers 44% of these actions end in relationships.[ii]  It is no wonder why going out in the city has the potential to shake my 180 day stance.  But, it is more strongly believed that alcohol makes women make choices they would not normally make, “In many women, alcohol increases sexual arousal and desire, although it does lower the physiological signs of arousal...Studies have shown that acute alcohol consumption tends to cause increased levels of testosterone and estradiol. Since testosterone controls in part the strength of libido on women, this tends to cause an increase in interest in sex.”[iii]  Exactly.  So with the increase in arousal and the decrease in inhibition[iv] also known as standards or beer goggles.  “"Beer goggles" is a slang term for the phenomenon in which consumption of alcohol lowers sexual inhibitions to the point that very little or no discretion is used when approaching or choosing sexual partners. The term is often humorously applied when an individual is observed making, or later regretting, advances towards a partner who would be deemed unattractive or inappropriate when sober. The "beer goggles" are considered to have distorted the "wearer's" vision, making unattractive people appear beautiful, or at least passably attractive.”[v]  Or  as someone I use to know use to say “You’re going home with a 10 at 2, but waking up with a 2 at 10” it is nothing short of a miracle that anyone in the city makes it through a drunken weekend unscathed by sexual interaction.

 First moment of weakness in my challenge went like this:

In the beginning of the evening I was fine drinking beer with friends and chatting about the aspects of sexuality but of course this conversation plants the seed.  Then drinking a little gin at the club begins to water the seed. Followed by dancing with men of the opposite sex which only nourishes that seed.  There comes a point in the night when your dancing partner and you are pressed up against one another and you take that deep breath in of his scent “Androstenol is the scent produced by fresh male sweat, and is attractive to females.” [vi]And what began as a seed is now a full blossomed idea.  Your eyes dilate and cheeks flush[vii] and your idea is now more than just a blossomed plant it is full on desire. And, that is about when I realized that if I were to give in to the man effect at a mere four days into my hiatus that would pretty much be like I had never tried.  So to the bewilderment of your dance partner, who you have only known for about an hour and you know, will find a wonderful new partner in a matter of minutes you excuse yourself and head home.  Some victories are the small ones that you make in the beginning, although it has become apparent that such avoidance will become increasingly hard over time.

[viii]

The second challenge came this week from the X factor, the ex boyfriend, we shall name him Mr. X.  According to the majority of literature in this world, from the beginning of time, on post breakups there is only one remedy for a broken heart and that unfortunately is time.  While Jim Carey was on to something in Eternal Sunshine, wouldn’t it be great if we could undergo a procedure and forget how much we once loved someone or we could meet a new person that would just replace that person and make you stop missing them completely? Unfortunately, this will never happen, sooner or later the wounds heal and as we all know it hurts.  So while Mr. X gave my last box of things to a mutual friend this week, getting my last box of things from a most horrendous breakup rubs salt in those almost healed wounds.  This box signifies the true end all to end all of the past 3 years of what you thought was your happy life. It fractures the ego and of course when one’s ego is bruised there is a strong desire to have it rebuilt. Of course you could stay in and stew in your own self wallow, lick the salt out of your wounds and call your ladies for support but deep down you crave an instant distraction, and what better distraction than the opposite sex to build you up. It is the ultimate temptation to enter the bull ring all over again to feel the rush of the build up, but the matador must not forget what it is like to be gorged by the those horns. So instead of looking for solace in the comfort of the opposite sex I kept my wits about me this week and nursed my wounds on my own. In the infamous words of Bridgette Jones: “It is at times like these that we are faced with a choice: to give up or not. And this time, I choose not. I will not be defeated. Instead, I choose vodka.”[ix] Also, I choose prolonged phone conversations with Ms.A, Ms.J, Ms.K and Ms. M.   I have now come to realize this hiatus could not have come a better time as research suggests the rehabilitation time for the soul is 25% the length of your relationship.[x]  Given this information it will be approximately 5 more months on my quest to have completely rebounded back to a healthy ordinary life, if there ever existed such a creature.

There we have it.  Seven days and still holding strong, avoided the lovely temptation of the club scene and kept stable and alone in the face of the Mr. X factor.  All around a successful week but hope there will be more to report on this journey next week! 173 more days and counting.

[xi]

 

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[i] Picture 1 from: http://www.businesstravellogue.com/travel-tips/chief-beer-officer-summer-internship.html

[ii] “Alcohol Plus Sex Equals” New Jersey Collegiate Consortium for Health in Education, Rutgers University, 1992, 1-4

[iii] "Women and Alcohol," McKinley Health Center, University of Illinois at Champaign-Urbana, 1985

[iv] Ibid.

[v] Beer Goggles - Wikipedia

[vi] “Smell of Male Sweat May Arouse Women” Miranda Hitti, WebMD News, February 9^th, 2007

[vii] :The four phases of the response” Magnus Hishfeld Archive for Sexology

[viii] Picture 2 from: http://izismile.com/2010/08/20/sexy_shirtless_men_56_pics.html

[ix] Bridgette Jones

[x] “Recover from a Bad Breakup” Mark Amundsen, Happen Magazine, Nov 2012.

[xi] Picture 3 from: http://www.google.ca/imgres?q=pictures+of+a+broken+heart&hl=en&sa=X&rls=com.microsoft:en-ca:IE-Address&rlz=1I7BBKB_enCA507&biw=1280&bih=868&tbm=isch&prmd=imvns&tbnid=Gi85L77y9oNqcM:&imgrefurl=http://chantelleova.wordpress.com/tag/heart-broken/&docid=zhOr2dtqXVji-M&imgurl=http://chantelleova.files.wordpress.com/2012/04/broken_heart.jpeg&w=300&h=323&ei=FcujUPPqMavLigLk8YDgDw&zoom=1&iact=rc&dur=620&sig=105660013920483651936&page=1&tbnh=143&tbnw=137&start=0&ndsp=30&ved=1t:429,r:5,s:0,i:84&tx=86&ty=55