Single is Fabulous!

"Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship is the one you have with yourself"

-Carrie Bradshaw (Sex and the City) 

So recently I realized that being single is actually really great.  Before this point in time I was sort of mulling over the idea that cuddling and what not may be equally as great.  But, then it donned on me and I realized that no, being single is the best! I came to this revelation based on a large number of criteria, three of which reasons are below:

"Being single is better than being in a relationship with someone who fills your heart with doubt."

-Unknown

1. Judgement Day Shall Never Come.  Yes, that is right.  Judgement from strangers is not really a big deal, they after all do not know you in your entirety and if they are judging you on some shallow notion than they are probably wankers anyways.  But, judgement from your partner can really sting.  The person who is suppose to love you no matter what, and even love your faults is not the one who you expect to be pointing them out.  There is something about judgement from our partner that not only hurts us but curves us from fulfilling goals that we once had.  Don’t get me wrong, if those goals are reckless and may endanger you than perhaps it is best that your nagging partner got you to refrain from them.  But, then again it is your life to endanger however you see fit, of course people that care about you are always going to tell you not to act recklessly.  However, it is not their life, sometimes being care free can be dangerous and that danger is exciting and can make you feel a rush that you are most content with chasing; in fact not chasing it can make you unhappy.  I do hate hearing how men or women have tamed one another, to me it truly symbolizes that they have taken away a truly passionate essence from one another.  Some women are not meant to be tamed.  You may be reading this and in a healthy relationship and think “Oh my partner never judges me.” And that is fine, it is most likely a complete lie, but it is fine all the same.  Because, you never truly experience freedom from judgement until you are single.  It can be something as small as you always buy the type of O.J brand that he likes, until one day single you is at the grocery store and you realize you can buy any O.J or apple juice, or cranberry juice, or pineapple juice, or whatever your heart desires.  And, it is not even the fact that he would be upset over the O.J choice, it is just that you know that he would ask you about your purchase and you would have to answer to him for something you wanted to try.  It is in the moment of singlehood described above that you realize you are able to buy anything without judgement.  You my friend are completely judgement free.  And, this state applies to all actions, all day long, everyday of the week.  My moment of judgment free realization happened this weekend, there I was standing in my panties in front of the refrigerator drinking out of the ice tea carton and it struck me.  No one is judging this moment right now (well except for obviously now all of you readers can).All this week I finally realized that I am completely judgement free and it is fucking awesome! I ate whatever I felt like eating (I do eat healthy) but I could eat breakfast foods for dinner, etc., I could drink wine in the middle of the afternoon (on my days off, never at work!) I had this over whelming realization that I can do anything I want AND I do not have to tell anyone about it.  It is seriously the best feeling ever.  And, I am sorry but you cannot have it when you are in a relationship.  You may, like I did for many years, think you have it, but you don’t.

“The truth is, at any given moment someone somewhere could be making a face about you. but it’s the reviews you give yourself that matter.”

(Sex and the City) 

2. FREEDOM! Yes! Sweet, glorious freedom! This is closely connected to point number one of course but freedom to do whatever you want.  There is no checking in with the hubby to make sure what your dinner plans are.  Nope! If you want to grab buck a slice pizza on the way home from work than go ahead.  There is no attending his great aunts 80^th birthday whatever, if you want to hit the beach or get out of town and visit friends you can.  This freedom is only truly felt if you are also not afraid to embrace doing things alone.  If you are sitting in your place waiting for someone to hand guide you through your life, than you are first of all being ridiculous and second, going to live a very sheltered life.  This freedom of choice and ability also recently hit me.  There I was just booking my trip to Santa Monica with Ms. A and it donned on me I could go anywhere...ANYWHERE!  I realized I had no one to check in with, no one to tell me we had other plans, or my plans were not good enough, or my plans would be plan B to his plan A.  There are only limitless possibilities.  I think you should seriously just take a moment to think about that because it is also fucking awesome!  You do not have to worry about anything but you.  Do you know how exhilarating that is to figure out? If you don’t than I strongly suggest you find out.  On a sort of crazy side note, the more freedom I feel the less I care about societal norms.  So, go ahead and enjoy the possibilities, the imagination, the life that you deserve because trust me eventually one day someone will try and merge their life with yours and when that happens that merging means that fifty percent of your freedom will be gone.  (On another side note here long distance relationships or men that work camp work are truly ideal if you are in a passionate affair with your freedom because their lives will never fully be merged with yours.  I have a long history of dating men like this and actually think it is the best to be frank).

3. Sex. That is right.  You may think you need to anchor down a steady relationship to get some in the sack but that is actually the opposite of the truth.  The longer you are with someone the more tedious somehow sex gets.  It lingers over you like a chore it seems.  My married friends are having less sex than anyone I know I am going to be honest.  I have already touched on the one day a week phenomena in a previous blog.  Now, if you are single, sex is pretty much whenever you want it.  (This may mean that you might have to pay for it, I am not saying that getting it is the easy part).  You can have sex whenever and for most of you who ever you like.  Let’s spare the aftermath conversation of the hook up for another blog.  Isn’t that also fucking awesome? Yes it is.  Here is the thing you can be a prude your whole life and desperately want to have to sex but think that it is slutty, to which I will point back to number 1.  Who is going to judge you?  Not your partner!-cause your single.  Your friends are going to be your friends no matter who you bang, your mother and father (well okay personally I do not think that you should tell them, I don’t) are still going to be your mother and father, your sister (while if she is like mine will lecture you on self worth) is still going to be your sister.  In fact the only thing that is actually going to change if you have sex is that you had sex, and hopefully it was good for you.  And, for all those women who think this liberated view is whorish, well let me tell you, it isn’t.  It is modern.  A healthy sex life is nothing to be ashamed of, if you are safe and it makes you feel good about yourself.  I am NOT saying patrol the streets looking for yourself worth in the sack with some guy, what I am saying is that sex is a perk of being single.  You can have it however you want, whenever you want and you do not need to plan it.  It can just be another fabulous option in your fabulous life.  I would also like to throw in this little disclaimer here you are taking advice from a woman in her sexual peak.

"Maybe our girlfriends are our soul mates and guys are just people to have fun with..." 

Sex and the City

Perhaps it is because I am now fully into the swing of my single life happily that I drew these conclusions.  I realized that with all past relationships there is too much give and take for my comfort level (while some protest that I just not have met the right guy, I say there is no right guy).  Relationships are exhausting so why would I try and fix my current single status if I like it?  Why fix what is not broken?  Whatever the reason is I have reached the point and I realized that I am the happiest I have ever been.  I am totally not insinuating you have to be single to feel the way I do, it just so happens that when I reflect on my life I realize that the only two times I truly came to this realization I was single.  Some women are not relationship material by choice. Thanks for reading! XO