The F Word

It is a difficult turn of events when someone makes a comment to you that is just unsettling enough for you to make up your mind that what is done is done, and the past is the past.  I was going to create an upbeat post comparing if something has the potential to be real or if it was just a rebound.  However, the upbeat post was coming from the feeling like a million bucks from my summer fling until he said the following sentence: "I thought you were overweight when we met." Suddenly the million-dollar feeling is diminished to feeling like you are not worth two cents.  If you have been following me for a while now you will know that I am survivor of a terrible eating disorder and that words about weight are dangerous.  I found myself fixated on this, how fat I was, how to lose said fat, how to be more attractive.  But, then I remembered I promised myself that I would never again spend time with someone who made me feel this way.  The following are three reasons why you should never comment on someone's weight; regardless of how "good" intended you think you are being

 <----- Me in Mexico

1) They are already obsessing over their size.  Women in society are objectified to the brink of insanity.  They are criticising themselves everyday all day.  When you see your lady friend you should not feed into her insecurities. According to the National Association for Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders " Up to 30 million people of all ages and genders suffer from an eating disorder (anorexia, bulimia and binge eating disorder) in the U.S. " Weight obsession is alive and well in our society.  You may be thinking that finding a person who will not point out weight gain is impossible.  But, I know differently.  I spent almost three years with someone who never spoke of my heaviest weight gain, when I realized it, I asked him and he said "I always thought you were beautiful."  These are the most amazing words every person deserves to hear.  If you can't say something nice about your woman's figure, don't say anything at all.

2) They cannot handle it.  First I would like to point out there is no kindness in telling someone they are fat.  Regardless if you are trying to help them lose weight for health reasons or whatever your pathetic excuse is.  Telling someone full on that they are chubby is rude.  There are a million and one better ways to approach this subject, read a book! While on the outside the person you have just destroyed with simple words appears to take it well, or maybe they did not at first, but they got over it and agreed with you, I can assure you they are 100 percent telling their friends (and all their blog readers) what you have said.  I can also 100 percent agree that the majority of people think you are a dick.  You may think you made a harmless comment in passing, but what you have actually done is start a small fire, on the bridge that was most likely one you did not want to scorch to ashes.

 <----- Me now 5'11 (155 pounds)

3) Your words were selfish.  Perhaps you were actually concerned with your friend’s health when you told them.  But guess what?  That is what doctors are for.  Rather than tell your friend that they are fat, try suggesting a fun activity to increase weight loss.  On the other side, if you told your lover that you thought they were fat because you wanted them to lose weight (let's face it, this is the majority) then you are an idiot.  If you actually think telling someone you want him or her to lose weight is a successful tactic than you are a lost cause.  Try cooking healthy together, or talk about getting active together, join a fitness class together.  I honestly believe that if you felt the only way to communicate was by calling someone fat then you said it to be mean.  Your intentions were sh#t, and you should really evaluate why you wanted to make someone you care about feel badly?  Unless you are a sadist, then you should really improve the way you communicate.

 <---- me pinching my last inch to tone

I am definitely still licking my wounds from The American telling me he was unhappy with my fitness level at the beginning of this year, so the same words in a different form coming from someone who helped me bounce back affected me a lot more than I anticipated.  But, not to worry, because while weight is someone I can always work on, either to lose or become happy with, finding someone who sees you as beautiful no matter what is the real challenge.  To all of you readers lucky enough to have this someone, congratulations! And send a little bit of luck this way, you know a girl like me can always use it. Thanks for reading xoxo