My Badass B#tches

I have began to discover that one must get completely fed up with something before they truly create change.  Dating for example has proven to be one disappointment after the next in a series of men that I probably should have never given the time of day to in the beginning but I was hopeful and a bit lonely.  Frustration paired with a sense of worth creates change.  A complete overwhelming urge that "Yes, I deserve to feel amazing about myself and the people I surround myself with."  On Friday evening I had an epiphany.  It was not how to fulfill my life with the "right" kind of man, or how to meet said man…in fact it had absolutely NOTHING to do with the opposite sex at all.  It had everything to do with empowering myself through increasing the amount of time spent in contact with my amazing girlfriends.  The following are three reasons why the badass b#tches in my life make me feel like the bomb.

1) No hidden motives.  I was having brunch with my girlfriend on Sunday morning and she actually enlightened me to this point.  Girlfriends (on average) don't have any ulterior motive to seeing you.  They don't want to get you drunk and take advantage of you, they don't want to hit on you and make you feel uncomfortable, they don't want to send you hammer pics and make you feel worthless.  No.  On the contrary female friends actually want to see you.  Their only motive behind calling you is that they need to chat to you.  Their only motive behind wanting to drink wine with you is that they enjoy your company paired with a cab sauv.  Their only motive behind paying for lunch is that they want to treat you.  Strong female friends have an incredible way of reminding us of our worth and how people should treat each other.

2) They compliment you.  Women have an uncanny ability to build each other up.  At this point in your life I assume you have out grown any kind of woman who tears others down.  Surround yourself with women who make you feel beautiful and loved.  When I see my girlfriends they always say "Oh you look so great!" or they compliment your nail polish or hair and they mean it.  And they mean it because they want you to feel beautiful and they like certain things about you.  They don't compliment you because they have to.  They don't say frivolous things to you that they do not mean.  They actually like you and what you do, what you wear, your hair, your everything and that is something very special in this world.  To have people in your life who truly see you, all your sides and all of you and still pick out small things about you which are beautiful to them.  If you have women similar to this in your life cherish them and let them know because these relationships are far more rewarding than any other.

3) They need you too.   Have you ever got the 3 am phone call from your distraught girlfriend who is crying and thought what the hell?  Only to console her and eventually go back to sleep?  At first these panicked moments appear dramatic but then you must come to realize of all the people in all the world your friend chose you to lean on.  That is amazing.  Of all the contacts in her phone and of all the people she reached out to you because you are a good friend.  You are needed.  You are the one that friends want to book lunches with and drinks with and you are the one that gets birthday wishes and thoughtful gifts.  You are needed in your circle of friends.  Often relationships with the opposite sex leave us questioning what the hell is going on and why.  But, you always know with your fabulous female friends that you are truly appreciated and needed.

So long men and dating (aka bullsh#t and stress paired with drama) and hello happiness.
The less I talked to men.  The better I felt about myself.  The less I worried about dates with men and the more I focused on my lady dates the more self worth I have.  Sometimes in life you need to lose yourself in great friendships and forget everything else.  Thanks for reading!

You should stay or you should GO

After numerous conversations with men I am writing this post for me and my numerous fabulous single girlfriends to ask any man that is interested to man up or f#ck off.  I am so over the grey zone b.s. and frankly worth more than half-assery.

 Please take the following three tips.
1) Time and time again I have many, many, many...etc.  text messages and pms from all kinds of men and they blather on and on about themselves.  There isn't even one shred of interest in the women they speak to.  They talk about THEIR day, THEIR weekend plans, THEIR work week.  Blah, blah, blah.  If you are truly interested in a woman don't reach out and treat her like a free therapist.  Ask her about herself.  The truth is, if you were and are actually interested you would be asking about her and if you are not stop wasting her time.

2) Stop beating the bush to death.  It is super fantastic when a guy tells you he wants to get together, and asks you to get together "sometime" and tells you he would love to try a new restaurant with you but then never puts one second of effort in to actually asking you out.  The idea is tossed around time and time again like an illusion with zero action. Here is the deal.  Either ask her.  Make the reservation.  And go...or f#ck off.

3) Stop flip flopping.  Perhaps Katy Perry was really into something with her hot and cold song.  Dear Men, stop floundering.  And, I know I hear that he flounders because he has other options and isn't sure.  Well, isn't that just grand ladies?? The reason he texts you sporadically and has half a$$ed effort is because he has other women on the go.  And, this is supposed to make us feel better.  Cut those players lose.  If your not number one and he is bouncing to and fro in your life like a yo-yo. Cut that useless string.

Reality is you are an amazing, gorgeous, badass woman.  The right man will realize this.  The wrong losers will treat you in the ways described above.  Men either step it up and stay or literally go...far away...and never....ever....ever come back. Thanks!!

What am I doing?

Not all blogs have positive and happy focused outcomes.  I am not pulling the wool over your eyes or misleading you.  Some days I have no idea what I am doing or where I am going.  From dancing to the end of days with gin pumping through your veins to spin class with the office girls life can be confusing and the following are three reasons why that is 100 percent fine.

1) Life doesn't have a road map.  The truth is we are all shying away from being socially outed for our eccentricity.  Everyone has a dirty little dark side they are terrified of at varying degrees.  Who cares? Life doesn't come with a road map.  You don't hop out of the womb and your mom hands you a life road map and your set.  We are all the blind leading the blind and you can bet your demons are just as wild as the person next to you so relax.

2) We all get lost.  Some times no plan is the plan!! Some times you really feel the reality of this crazy thing called life and it is terrifying and exciting all at once.  Some times there is no rhythm or pattern or constant.  Some times you are literally fumbling along at the speed of light with no idea of anything.  The fantastic thing about it is there is actually nothing expected of you.  Just keep going.  Throw all your stupid ideas of love, romance, success, everything out the window because you truly only have one life.  Start living.

3) There is nothing to control.  All those people you see in control aren't actually.  They think they are but there sense of purpose is fleeting.  No one controls destiny.  She is an untamed mistress.  The truth is you could drop dead tomorrow.  You could get sick.  You could lose the love of your life.  Anything could happen.  The only constant in this life is the uncertain.  The only sure thing is that nothing is for sure.  That is the wild, crazy, sexy side of life that too many people try and shy away from pretending they control their outcomes when in actuality no one does.

On days recently I realized I have no idea what I am doing or what I am looking for.  I used to think a defined idea of things would give me perspective but the truth is perspective doesn't matter.  Accepting that flying through life with no control is reality is startling.  But looking good doing it may be the only way to go.  Thanks for reading. XO

What the Ex?

It is right when you are happily not thinking of your exes that one will fly up in your f#cking face by moving to your city with his new woman after not so gracefully leaving the country and leaving you broken hearted.  And, you and The American are supposedly friends but you find out a month later via facebook...cuts like a knife.  And, not because you long to have his gross bearded face in your life but the insinuation of his hiding this makes you feel like he was quite literally hiding from you.   The following are three reasons we should be honest and straight forward rather than fake care:

1) Assumptions are total bullsh#t! Listen up men. All women I know are hurt the most when you tell them you lied to them or did something you knew they wouldn't like and then blame them.  You use the excuse that you lied or hid the truth because of a reaction they might have had.  Example: I didn't tell you because I knew you would over react.   This hurts.  And, it hurts deep because it suggests that you think we are some kind of raving lunachick set on kill.  This realization makes us feel like you view us in a negative way which makes us feel less valued and less lovable.  It makes us realize you no longer view us as the goddess you once did and you have undesirable thoughts about us and this makes us insecure.

2) Why are you making drama? The truth of the matter is 99.9 percent of all fights, insecurity and lunachicking could be avoided with a little finesse and honesty.  Rather than secretly texting women friends (which unless you had a lobotomy you know is going to cause problems) try talking to your girlfriend.  Explain what is going on.  I know that finding secret female "friends" all over your man's sh#t makes your blood boil, but not for the reasons they assume! For the reason they lied.  They hid their friendships making them appear as dirty little secrets.  Things only escalate when they blame thier ridiculous immature actions on you.  Before you create a world of secrecy try talking to your woman and explaining who you are, what you want and that you have other woman in your life and most importantly who they are in relation to everything. Honesty is the answer.

3) Calm down ladies.  Yes this last point is a doozy but seriously if you are screaming at your man like a bat out if hell he will keep secrets from you.  Sadly if you have a man who does this than the actuality is that he probably dated a banshee and is afraid you will do the same thing.  Hash these issues out.  To tell you the truth I can be crazy jealous because my men are gold and I do think other women want them.  But, I would much rather be with a man who from the get go tells you how and who he is and trusts you to accept all of him and his friends regardless of gender.  Than with some ignoramus who cannot understand that you can comprehend, trust and most importantly change.

With the presence of The American back in my country and city came old thoughts but mainly just reminded me of how he could be such a p#ssy.   A little heads up before moving back would have been courteous but then again one should never give too much credit to their exes.  Thanks for reading. XO

Looking for Love in all the wrong places...

I forgot my cardinal rule "Don't look back, you're not going that way" and tried to reignite the dead flame of The Boxer.  But you can't get fire from cold ashes.  I wanted him to be my distraction, maybe even my salvation, from The Pilot's rejection but that just isn't the way of the dating world.  The following are three reasons you should never try to back track:

1) Issues.  As much as people try to work on their issues they are still there.  Just like my bad knee.  95 percent of the time it feels great but on a cold day or after too much exercise the pain seeps back in.  You can never end something and then go back.  The damage is done.  The issues are there.  Permanent in stone.  If they were issues enough to walk away from the relationship it is best to move on.

2) Bye-bye love, bye-bye happiness.  Once the negativity of a break up consumes the relationship it affects all aspects of what use to be happiness and sucks the joy out of what use to be.  I thought I could apologize and repair the damage with The Boxer but I had injured our connection and there was no going back to the fun flirtation we once had. The easy fun emotions are replaced with guilt, frustration, anger, etc.

3) The worst in you.  Breakups not only bring out the ugly emotions they bring out our worst side.  Rather than accept that things didn't play out you begin to think what can you change? What can you exchange of yourself or your personality? What can you do...this mentality is so desperate and dangerous.  We lose ourselves, our identity and our power when we negotiate pieces of us ourselves to be with someone.

Fortunately it is always better to be single than with the wrong person so life carries on as it always does.  Thanks for reading. XO

In the dog house

It is right around the time you think you can back track and repair the damage of your rejection with the Boxer that he will remind you men are not toys.  So here I sit in the metaphorical dog house trying to bail myself out and get some of that gorgeous man's attention again.  The following are three ways to get yourself out of the dog house:

1) Apologize.  Apologize. Apologize.  The truth is I was the dick.  I told him we weren't compatible because I had the Pilot on my mind but more so because I wanted more excitement! The Boxer while young and sweet is not wild.  So I had to apologize.  And apologize I did.  Be prepared for your apology to not go very far! Be prepared to be told off.  I have bruised a man's ego and I knew that if I tried to back track the consequences would be messy.  But, the truth I missed the way he made me feel. I missed his smile, innocence, the way he made me feel special.

2) Do something nice.  Sugar and spice. So here I am trying to juggle my social calendar and fit in an expensive dinner (my treat) for the Boxer and I have the dress mentally planned and know a small gift may have to be in the mix.  Repairing the damage doesn't come cheap when you made a stupid choice over a stupid Pilot for a stupid outcome. But, don't beat yourself up too much!! With the right amount of effort almost all mistakes can be fixed.  Bad boys that are wrong for you can be distracting from the person who actually deserves your time.

3) Put in the time and effort. Damn these mistakes are costly.  Text him in the am something cute.  Try and remind him all that you are and that you are worth a second shot.  The truth if he is slowly talking to you it means he is considering forgiving you and that you still have a chance.  Put a little elbow grease on this.  Put a little extra effort.  Send him the picture of his favorite pizza with a message that you saw it and would love to grab a slice with him, send him a text to say good night.  It is okay to try a little, you are the one who needs to put the effort in.

Jury is still out on whether or not these tips will help me.  So send me a little luck cause I can use it.  I don't always make good life choices but at least I am smart enough to admit when I f#cked up and fight to fix my idiocy.  Thanks for reading! XO

All or Nothing

Dating is hard.   On the one side your friends and numerous "helpful" online articles tell you to ignore the person you are interested in.  And on the other side you begin to think why should I pretend to act a way I am not? Sigh.  The Pilot left me wondering if I was ever going to see him again so against all odds I sent him a text that told him I thought he was worth getting to know.   The following are three reasons why you should scrap all the bullish#t and do what you want:

1) No regrets!! At least if he never messages me back I know I put myself out there.  Raw and forward and simple.  I tried.   While my past may be freckled with rejection it is not scarred with the unknown.  When a man brushes me off and I want them, I tell them.  There is no shame in being interested in someone.   And, there is no shame for them if you are interested in them.  In fact, it is a compliment.  I would much rather know that the person I am interested in knows how I feel and chooses not to engage than wonder what if...

2) You did your best!! I see so many people give up on what could have been one hell of a sexy romance too easily.   They never say how they feel or what they want but they some how expect the world to cater to their ideas.   They say crazy things like "if so and so felt the same way they would say so" um, are you mental? If a man walks into your world and shows interest than he has tried and you need to meet him part way.  It must be incredibly scary for one person to blindly try to be with someone.  When I go to sleep and rest well I do so because I damn well tried.  I tried to communicate what I want and why and that is all we can do.

3) He is Mr. Wrong. Dang! You really wanted this one to be around a little longer but it just didn't pan out.  Shake it off.  The truth is if he was the right guy for you he would never be offended by your wanting to be with him.  There is nothing desperate in telling someone you think they are sweet and you want to get to know them...even though these words appear to be my kryptonite.  If he high tails it away from you because you tell him you want to see where things go he is not for you.  Sure, you could have spent weeks or months having no clue what you meant to him but hanging out or you could have the truth.

And, you may have guessed The Pilot's response to my text wasn't good enough. Who knows if he caught another bird or just wasn't interested.  But, fortunately the dating game while challenging is also a lot of fun.  If only I hadn't struck out the other players on the dating field trying to sort this out.  Thanks for reading. XO