It's Raining Men

It is right when your ego is getting tossed around in the rapids of rejection and you think you are done that you will be thrown smack dab in the middle of a sea of beautiful young men.  Damn life is good.   And, I once again apologize for criticizing anyone in regards to enjoying the company of younger generations, I was wrong and as always before you read on, know that I never assume all men are a like.  In fact, the individuality of the opposite sex is something I love - variety is the spice of life.  But, before I get carried away the following are three wonderful reasons why you should casually date younger men. 

1)  They are so easy going.  Somewhere between twenty and thirty men get weird.   I am not going to say they have issues but they try and put you in categories such as "wife material" or "booty call" (rolling eyes) don't put me in a box and label me up.  Get to know me before you decide what you do and don't want.  Listen to me free of preconceived notions of who you think I should or shouldn't be.  The truth is younger men don't usually have a defined version of their future so they are more open minded and don't slap a label on you in order to pressure or reject you.   For this I thank you, you lovely young lads.

2) Feeling hot, hot, hot.   No offense to my lovely 30 plus friends, you are wonderful friends.   But what I find sexy is a full head of hair and a six pack, (the abs not the beers).  We all have our turn ons.  Some people like soft bodied men but not me.  I love young smooth twenty something skin, cute demeanor and their wrinkle free faces.  Mmmhmm. I love all of it.  And, no.  I never get bored of their naivity because they look so fine.

3) They listen.  Some where along the road men I have dated who are my age stopped listening.  Men my age started assuming they knew what you were thinking and why and they stop having faith in you.   Younger men never, ever do this.   Younger men listen and they hear you.  Younger men ask your opinion.  They are adorable when they say they might learn from your experience.  They flatter you and their pure acceptance that you can change and may know different things from them is the best.

Younger men once again have shown me that dating is fun. That men can be cute, polite and sexy.   That while older men may on paper have their sh#t together,  emotionally they have a lot to learn from their former selves on how to treat women.   Thanks for reading! 

Your Rejection Cuts Me So Low

The R word.  Rejection.  Doesn't it cut like a knife? I know, I know, it is part of trying but let's face it.  It is the sh#ttiest part of trying.  After a series of "miscommunications" and disappointments with the opposite sex I decided this is ridiculous. And, I also am fully aware that I will not be everyone's cup of tea.  But! The following are three brutal patterns I have witnessed for myself and other women that most men appear to do in their rejection routine: 

1) They keep you hanging.  Rather than cut through the sh#t and say "Hey, you're great but you're just not great for me " they leave you with words like "I need to think..." Or even worse they blame you saying that you need time to figure out what you want, etc.  This leaves us with a pathetic glimmer of hope that most women cling on to.   It is so much better than the actualization that he is just not into you.  Wake up.  If he isn't moving mountains to see you then he isn't interested and you need to move on.

2) He says confusing things.  He tells you that you look good in a picture or dress and that he wants to get together but never asks you out and often ignores you.   (Insert dramatic eye roll).  I asked my male friends about this and they told me it is because these men don't really want to date you but they might want to sleep with you.  Fantastic.  Because who doesn't love having no idea how someone feels about you amongst the highs and lows of them ignoring you periodically.   Don't tolerate this kind of sh#t behavior from anyone.  If someone deserves to be in your life they should try just as hard as you constantly.

3) He does thoughtful things which you interpret as affection.  Sigh.  This is the toughest aspect to rejection.  I believe that men do this because they feel badly about not reciprocating your intentions so they want you to not have hurt feelings.  Awe so sweet right? Wrong! The hurt feelings only exist because they led you on because of whatever reason.  Stop letting men lead you on and start living your life not obsessing over men.

After my most recent brush with being ignored by a man I realized f#ck it.  Why should I waste any more time on men who aren't interested.  Life is actually pretty amazing without a man to be honest. No stress, no mess.  Thanks for reading. XO. 

Aloha!

First I apologize for my absence from my post last week.  I was in Hawaii.  But my holiday seriously reset me into a healthy relaxed mind and allowed me to let go of a lot of bullish#t.  Let me share three tips to fully embrace the holiday island life.

1) Disconnect from technology.  After only a few hours I started to feel so much better about myself.  There was no wondering about unanswered friend requests.  There were no jealous moments over other women.  There were no demanding emails.  There was just me, deep breathing, turquoise waves lapping to a rhythm that seemed to sync with the beat of my heart.  With each blink I felt the warmth and acceptance of paradise replace all my worries and it was amazing.

2) Don't judge a book.  I had laughs with a rippled Navy officer, beer with an extraordinary Eastern European woman, fascinating conversation with a widower and so much more because I opened myself up to the possibility of humanity.  We are so stuck in out preconceived notions of others we lose sight that we are all human.   We all deserve a good conversation with a possible new friend regardless of where we are from and where we are going.   Opening your heart will only allows good memories in if you also use your head too. 

3) Let go of your inhibition and just go with it.   Makeup and dresses are fun for a night out but I mainly lived in my cheese tourist hat and loved it.   I wore runners and a dress and ate cheese until I was bloated and who cares? We try our entire life to fit into the Prada designed box of life and for what? I say let your hair down, let it get wet in the salty water and dried with sand and go out dancing because true beautiful moments in life are fleeting and we are wasting too many on trying to fit in.  You were born to stand out. 

We are all searching for those perfect moments and I promise if you go to Hawaii you will find them.  But, you will also find that you and all those around you have so much awesome within. Thanks for reading. XO. 

How we Deal

I have blogged about this before but due to some recent further complications it is time again for blog therapy.  As you know my father has a very rare muscle degenerating disease called Inclusion Body Miosytis.  The following are three issues which are the struggle: 

1) Frustration.  Beyond the frustration of not being able to have a career and be closer to my family and the fact that even if I was it wouldn't change a damn thing is the frustration of the evolution of disease.  This week his eyes stopped focusing as one which means he has double vision.  For a man who eats with a large spoon because he cannot make a fist and can only half way lift his good arm from his wheel chair this is a fate most unfortunate.  Disease is frustrating because it goes on its cruel routine and it little by little destroys someone and there is no way to prepare for what comes next.

2) Terrible things happen to amazing people.  People often say good things happen to good people which in a way suggests the opposite happens to bad.  This is just a crock that people tell you to be kind to each other which you should in general just to be a human being.  You can be good until the cows come home and it won't make a lick of difference.  Cancer won't care, muscle degeneration won't care, disease doesn't care who it widdles away into nothing.  My dad  has a heart of gold, wrapped in precious stones.  He is a good father and person and bad things happen to incredible people.

3) It is okay to be sad.  I recently came to grips with the fact that it is okay to tell people I am having an emotional day because my dad isn't doing very well.  This is actually part of human nature.   Loving your father and being heart broken that he is ever so slowly dying before your eyes is a tragedy that is sad. And I cry and I ask the universe what the point of it all is and I lean on my girlfriends for kind words because it is okay to cry.  It is tough to hear about his pain and struggle and all we can do is lean in to our emotions and stay strong.

This is how we deal.  We feel and we cherish every second with the ones we love.  We love like hell while there is love to be had and we look forward to good days.  Thanks for reading. 

I'll have a blue Christmas without you.

As I was driving downtown over the bridge enjoying Christmas tunes on the radio the song "Last Christmas" by Wham came on and I realized this year is the first Christmas I am single in almost a decade.  I am not going to lie to you Christmas is a very romantic time of year.  Horse carriage rides around sparkling Christmas lights, hot cocoa, cuddles by a lit fire and constant proposal announcements on social media are all enough to drive any sane single person to the brink of desperation.  BUT! Rather than get defeated by a commercialized holiday I choose the following three tips to prevent me from eating all contents of fridge while longing for a real life Mark Darcy.

1) Try something new.  I tried swing and blues dancing and it was the best thing I could have done on a Saturday night.  Do not give into the urge to sit at home alone eating Christmas bonbons and watching The Holiday (which I have also done).  Get out of your comfort zone and socialize with new people and experience new things.  And, yes, while the holidays are prime full of couple activities they are also just as full of fun events and things to try.  Go to a cooking class, or Christmas fair, or Light Show, or even better go skiing and spa-ing with a friend.  As long as you stay busy meeting people and having fun I promise the loneliness lingering in boredom will not get you.

2) Think of all the money and time you have.  Being single around the holidays is actually a blessing.  While I do enjoy seeing all the adorable pictures of everyone getting their real Christmas trees I also think "Man who has the time to go to the Christmas tree farm, and agree on a tree, and then transport it home, and then decorate it?".  Not to mention all the money this costs all just to have it up for a week.  However, no one expects you to have a tree if you are a single woman.  In fact no expects you to do anything when you are single at Christmas time which is so relaxing! Do you know what I did on the weekend.  Wrapped the few gifts I have for my small family, visited friends, watched Netflix and ate nachos.  The past ten years had been full of making sure I had all the cards out to both of the family members for the men in my life and myself, and to make sure I had all the gifts and that they were perfectly wrapped and then to make sure the house was decorated (and of course pictured on social media so that everyone knows what an adorable Christmas we were having)...and to be honest it was exhausting!! This year I can take a deep breath and just roll with single girl problems which are really far and few between.

• 3) Listen to uplifting music and share Christmas cheer.  You know what is a lot of fun, taking your over weight pug to get his picture taken with Santa and then getting this gem of a memory made into a card for your co-workers because it makes them laugh! Then listening to fun upbeat Christmas songs on the way home.  Spread joy because it will make you happy I promise.  So get out and make people happy, I promise you will smile!  Go to the neighbor you noticed has no family this time of year and give them the cookies, donate that box full of canned food to a family in need, give your time, smile and treats to someone this holiday season and it will bring you into the joy of what Christmas is all about.

The truth of the matter is that there are all kinds of people living all kinds of lifestyles and while some Christmas songs and movies make us want to share this holiday season with someone romantically, love comes in all forms.  Try and open yourself up to new friendships, new smiles and new experiences and don't get blue during this time of year.  Thanks for reading! XO

Dear Creeps...No Thank You.

Not all blogs will be upbeat and friendly because some days you get overwhelmed by the amount of men who are just creeps out there. The following are three creepy trends that are unacceptable.

1. No dick pics – ever. I don’t know how many times I have to say this and yet some assh#le always feels inclined to send me the same disgusting picture of his messy room with his hand holding his member and
nothing else. Let me just set the record straight here once and for all, this is not sexy. I have included in this blog sexy pictures of men for your reference. I don't understand how men can receive sexy pictures of women in lingerie posing and trying to look their best and their response is here is my weird looking member. You can easily wake up in the morning and send me a cute picture of your bed head with a "thinking of you" text. This is far more sexy than the former on any day of the week. The worst part of these over sharing porno pics is that they come from strangers. Literally, you are having a normal conversation with someone about the day and then BAM there is a dick in your face. And, to be honest even if the messages are indicative of a sexual nature DO NOT assume a girl wants this kind of photo unless she full on states she wants that kind of a photo. Maybe, and this is a HUGE maybe I might one day ask for a random picture of some strangers penis but until that day just don't.

2. Lazy. "Netflix and Chill" is the worst trend to hit dating since Tinder. Don’t be so f#cking lazy. I am so tired of men inviting me to their place or out in their neighborhood. Seriously? Could you put any less effort in? No, no you could not. I don’t know whatever happened to picking a girl up from her home and driving to a location to eat food and dropping her off but somewhere between a real date we ended up with "Netflix and Chill" and it is just ridiculous. Like I am some kind of desperate women just waiting
around for a man to invite me over. You may as well just out right say "do you want to come to my house and bang?" To which I would just leap at the chance right after I drop off my self-esteem and respect on the floor. Ya right! Here is a crazy idea respect women. Pick up a boquet of flowers and pick her up at her house. Plan an evening out that doesn't involve your d*ck and actually have a conversation. Drop her off at the end of the night without any expectations and text her later that evening to say you had a good time. It is really not rocket science it is common sense.

3.Proposition me for sex. Yes this is a real and irritating issue. If I just want sex I will exit my house and get it, piece of cake. However, at this age I am actually seeking something more. Don't get me wrong
casual sex has its place in this world and I am not knocking it. But, I am worth way more than drunk wanna be booty calls, then random stranger Facebook messages, than a man who just wants to hit it and quit it. I feel sad that there are women in this world that degrade themselves to be used by men because they feel that is the treatment that gives them attention. But, I mainly just feel down right irritated that men feel that it is appropriate to suggest I have sex with them when I barely know them and don't want that at all. Here is a WILD and crazy idea if I want to have sex with you I will ask you. It is pretty simple. Try the date advice I have offered in the above number 2 and your chances will be seriously increased of ever getting a home run I mean really why do I even have to write this post and be annoyed by this behaviour? R-E-S-P-E-C-T, try getting some for women and then talking to me.

And yet if you say no to any of these disturbing behaviours you are the uptight b#tch, and you know what? I would much rather be a b#tch than the kind of women who sells herself short to be used by the kind of total creeps described above. Furthermore if you are reading this thinking it is you, than guess what? You are
a creep and you should seriously reconsider the way you treat women. Thanks for reading.

Where for Art thou Alpha Male?

When people ask me what happened in my most recent break up.   I look them dead in the eye and say "He just couldn't handle all the woman I am. " Truth.  I am a confident, driven, successful woman and this is nothing to be ashamed of.  I used to believe I should date beta males to try and "correct" my strong personality.  But, there is nothing to "correct."  The following are four traits of my unicorn a.k.a the alpha male. 

 1) Success is their middle name.  But it is beyond their own personal success.  They love success so much they crave it for everyone! They surround themselves with successful people.  They see the potential in others and don't waste their time with excuses or people that aren't trying their best in this life. 

2) They build people up.  With their healthy confidence they share their positive outlook. I use to get confused by this.  I thought arrogance was confidence but this lead me to date douches who had unhealthy confidence. A true alpha male doesn't break people he helps others. 

3) They have beautiful ideas!! They plan dates and they aren't afraid to surprise you with a reservation at a new India fusion restaurant or a meal they cooked.  They try new things and read up on current events because that is what makes them a champ.  

4) They don't fear confrontation.  Confrontation to them is part of growth, exchange of ideas, etc. They are not afraid to say no and offer other solutions.  Alpha males understand that facing confrontation and working through such things are part of life.   They never give up where they have failed and are willing to have the same conversations. 

Alpha males are few and far between.  I have met men who I thought were alpha males but they were wolves in lion's clothing.  I have met a few alpha males in my life, but never had the pleasure of dating one...yet.  At this point they are like a mystical creature, the unicorn, that I hope to one day catch the eye of.  Thanks for reading. XO