How we Deal

I have blogged about this before but due to some recent further complications it is time again for blog therapy.  As you know my father has a very rare muscle degenerating disease called Inclusion Body Miosytis.  The following are three issues which are the struggle: 

1) Frustration.  Beyond the frustration of not being able to have a career and be closer to my family and the fact that even if I was it wouldn't change a damn thing is the frustration of the evolution of disease.  This week his eyes stopped focusing as one which means he has double vision.  For a man who eats with a large spoon because he cannot make a fist and can only half way lift his good arm from his wheel chair this is a fate most unfortunate.  Disease is frustrating because it goes on its cruel routine and it little by little destroys someone and there is no way to prepare for what comes next.

2) Terrible things happen to amazing people.  People often say good things happen to good people which in a way suggests the opposite happens to bad.  This is just a crock that people tell you to be kind to each other which you should in general just to be a human being.  You can be good until the cows come home and it won't make a lick of difference.  Cancer won't care, muscle degeneration won't care, disease doesn't care who it widdles away into nothing.  My dad  has a heart of gold, wrapped in precious stones.  He is a good father and person and bad things happen to incredible people.

3) It is okay to be sad.  I recently came to grips with the fact that it is okay to tell people I am having an emotional day because my dad isn't doing very well.  This is actually part of human nature.   Loving your father and being heart broken that he is ever so slowly dying before your eyes is a tragedy that is sad. And I cry and I ask the universe what the point of it all is and I lean on my girlfriends for kind words because it is okay to cry.  It is tough to hear about his pain and struggle and all we can do is lean in to our emotions and stay strong.

This is how we deal.  We feel and we cherish every second with the ones we love.  We love like hell while there is love to be had and we look forward to good days.  Thanks for reading.