“Mad
woman, bad woman that’s just what you are, ya, you’ll smile in my face and rip
my breaks out my car”
Bruno
Mars
This
topic was actually given to me last year by one of my coworkers and it is interesting to see how much data
there is out there about it. In fact, history is chalk full of good examples of
crazy women, every orifice of our society is full of examples in literature,
art, music, theater, you name it, there has been a production about the mad
side of women. Have you ever heard of or
witnessed psychotic behaviour (and also possibly been the participant in said
behaviour) towards a boyfriend from his girlfriend and either in the after math
or during thought “Wow! This is crazy, why does he put up with this?” It is fascinating
the terrible things I have seen women do their partners in the heat of the
moment and then later acted like nothing had happened leaving you standing there
with a look of horror on your face that cannot be disguised with your best fake
smile. So I found myself wonder “Why?
Why? Why?” do men take the dramatic beating with the crazy stick and keep on
ticking? Three factors came to me in my hunt for the lunacy addiction of the
other sex. The first and most comical is
the hot to crazy ratio put forward by the infamous Barney Stinson:
“The diagonal line is known as
the Vicky Mendoza Diagonal by Barney, after a girl he dated who jumped back and
forth across the line by shaving her head, then losing ten pounds, then
stabbing Barney with a fork and finally getting a boob job.
The bottom-right corner of the
scale is dubbed the Shelly Gallebsy zone by Barney, after another girl he dated
who fell into that area after gaining twenty pounds and trying to kill him with
a brick.
Barney explains the Hot-Crazy
scale to the gang after Ted introduces them to Blah Blah, his crazy girlfriend at the time.” (1)
Basically
this theory puts forth: “a person is allowed to
be crazy, as long as they are equally hot. Ideally, you want your date to be
above the diagonal line, indicating that they are hotter than they are crazy.”(2)
So this explains why I often see men that are
not generically handsome with some very stunning women. But, more resolute this explanation explains
why I have seen men punched, kicked, screamed at, vases thrown at, bitten (and
not in a good way), smacked, house windows broken, car windows broken, and more
extreme measures and yet these men stay
with the perpetrators. They have
realized that these women are hot enough to endure their insane antics. “It is amazing the amount of torture a guy will put himself through for a
hot partner and steady sex.” (3) Sex, is the other reason that I have merged with the hotness factor, men often see
a crazy woman as a crazy sexual experience.
They get this mentality that if she is this crazy in day to day life
than she must just let loose between the sheets. There is really no substantial data to
support this claim but perhaps it is true, and if it makes men happy than why
not. These two concepts of course
suggest that men are perhaps shallow which is not what I am trying to say at
all, so please do not take offense to this comical suggestion, but it does make
sense for some men, who are, let’s just face it, shallow. A good example of this is my friend Mr. Suit
who actually identifies with Barney and his theories frequently so these men do
exist out there. Also, this got me to
thinking! If a woman is hot enough and has a long enough bout of sanity to draw
a man in then he may just fall deeply in love than this man maybe love
struck.
Which brings
us to my second theory “Yeah, she’s crazy BUT I love her” The poor love sick
man, trapped with a woman who is 80 percent wonderful BUT 20 % batshit
crazy. What to do when your one love
acts like two different people? Stay with her and stick out the crazy spells. The
truth is we all know or have dated this guy, he loves his crazy woman, his
friends tell him she’s crazy, his mom tells him she’s crazy, hell, even his
boss says “That chick is whack!” but he does not want to hear this. In truth, if everyone and his dog has told
him, HE KNOWS, but he also loves her.
You will recognize this love sick man when his friend’s tease him about
his psychotic girlfriends as she texts him for the one millionth time during
guy’s night out, but instead of agreeing and bashing her, he is coy, and says
things like “It is not that bad.” These men are in love, so just leave them be,
one day they will wake up and realize the dream girl they fell asleep beside is
actually a nightmare vision of the girl from the Exorcist, head spinning and
all, OR perhaps they will never wake up.
You see it is possible these men are numb to the crazy vibe, they are
mellow, settlers who have found their one and are perfectly happy exhisting in
crazy town, population him and her (and her three other personalities). I have known several love sick men like this
in my time. This theory of the hopeless
romantic I found tightly interwoven with the hero theory which basically
states: “Men love to be heroes. They love to "fix" things. It makes
them feel needed, important, and feeds the male ego. Who makes a better damsel
in distress than a poor, defenseless lunachick?”(4) So, it makes one ponder is it the love of ego
or the love of the actual damsel that has crazy women so lucky in love? I am
not sure, but I will accept both as possibilities for a man’s ability to deal
with craziness.
Lastly and
more for comical relief than a really psychoanalysis in the male psyche it is
suggested that men stay with lunachicks because they are lazy. Unlike their female counter part that has an
urge to stay with Mr. Wrong out of fear of being alone; men are actually just
driven by sheer lack of motivation. They figure if they are already in one
relationship, and women are crazy than why make the effort for change. “it’s more likely that it’s just easier to
stay. I’ve had multiple male friends with girls
(not crazy) in the last year that stayed long past the relationship should’ve
been over.”(5) But, this clearly links
back to the fact that men avoid confrontation and drama. If their girl is crazy on a regular day just
imagine what might be in store for them on B Day (Break Up Day) Men are afraid of
that confrontational bomb exploding all over their lives, so it is easier to
just stay at theregular level of crazy they have gotten used to. Here is fun experiment to do, so you have
already at one point in your relationship opened the lid of your can of crazy
and your partner took it very well. I
suggest you slowly try more crazy things, to gauge his reaction. Trust me you will know when he have reached
his brink of craziness and you can easily apologize and say you will not do
that again. Thus you have tested the
limits of your partner, which is something I have done from time to time; it is
really intriguing what the opposite sex will endure in the name of love. However, if you really care about your
partner and think you have a future together I would suggest NOT doing this
little social experiment, as you will always feel a bit off at the fact that
your soul mate saw you at your highest peak of lunachick and there is NO taking
that back! This lunachick experiment is really to try with someone you do not
see a future with and really just feel like seeing what would happen if you did
something totally ludicrous. I am fully aware sane people may not have these
urges, and to any of my exes who may be gluttonous enough to ever read this
blog, I would say sorry but that is just not in my Lunachick nature! (insert
crazy Cruella Deville style laughter here)
What to say about this week….I am not
sure. I sent Mr. Elevator a text ending things;
I know I am a total hypocrite asshole! But, in all fairness I never know when I
am going to see him again so it had to be done via shitty text, unfortunately I
had break up remorse the next day AND attempted to recant my earlier text. Which oddly enough got a “You’re crazy” but
an agreement to talk this weekend after I had some time to think. Never will I deny I am crazy like a fox, but
that point should be mute by now if you have been reading this blog since the
beginning. So that is a big mess that I
created because I got to thinking how long should two people do the uncertainty
shuffle of not wanting anything serious.
I mean really to me it comes across as a cheap way to keep me on the
side and play the field? Or maybe that is just my lunachick talking but it
seems to be the general consensus between all my Ms friends and the men I know
so let’s get real. I deserve someone who
is at least willing to try out the dating waters before jumping out of the
pool. Moving on, I also messaged Mr.
Kind saying that I did not think that a romantic future was in order, see I met
Mr. Motown on the Seabus and thought he might actually have dating potential,
but he had some less than flattering sexual advances so he got bumped off my
radar after I sent both said messages.
But, there is always a silver lining to each strange dating grey cloud,
what that silver lining is I am really not sure, the more I write about his romantic life the
more vague and confusing it appears to become.
Is it so hard to find a manly man who is considerate and wild, fun and
spontaneous, romantic but still edgy, well rounded, well employed and a good
sense of humor who is interested in dating? It would appear as though the
answer is YES! Surprise, surprise. It
seems like I am always finding men that have pieces of the man that would be
great to date but they are all without.
If they are nice they are not bad (which they have to be a little) or
they are too bad and total douches, or if they are complicated they are too
complicated and confusing, or they are too simple or forth write, or they are
too cheap, too luxurious, too drunk, too rude, too jealous, too lazy, too relaxed,
etc. you get the point. ..Oh! Right, as for Mr. Yukon, well he is 2414 kms
away, what is the harm with a little racy texting and his flattery from time to
time. Fun Fact: Mr. NiceGuy and Mr. X my
two serious long term relationships are from the same town, let’s call it King
North. Now, King North produces real
men, men who make you feel safe in a hurricane, now how to be handy around the
house, they are masculine, brave, known to be a bit rough around the edges,
they are men’s men. So, I saw on
Facebook a man who is friends with a lot of King North friends but for some
reason he did not look overly familiar but he is from there and we share a lot
of friends, I thought that we might have met before, and partially out of my
affection for men of King North and his good looks I friend requested him. If nothing else he has a hot tub, and all my
friends from King North are such a blast that a friendship with him would be
appreciated at this time in my confusing dating life. The truth of the matter is dating like a man
is CONFUSING! Having too many options is distracting and keeps you from really
focusing on any one as a whole, it also leads to more and more options and it
is just more and more confusing. Thus
while last week seemed like one hell of a brilliant idea, this week of
experience has actually lead me to believe that it is exhausting. So basically not sure where I am headed this
week, only time will tell as usual.
Thanks for reading, in the mean while I will be perhaps confusingly
dating like a man and analyzing like a lunachick.
References:
1)
http://how-i-met-your-mother.wikia.com/wiki/Hot/Crazy_Scale
(first two pictures are also from this site)
2)
Ibid.
3)
“Why
Do Men Date Crazy Women?” http://www.sheckys.com/2011/03/31/why-do-men-date-crazy-women/
4)
Ibid.
5)
“Five
Reasons Men Love Crazy Women” Love Buzz September 15th 2009
Pictures:
This is great! Really opened my eyes. Of course you did give away a lot of secrets, which might piss off other women who happen upon your article ;-)
ReplyDeleteTom S.