"If you liked it then you should of put a ring on it."
-Beyonce
1) I have to recant a rather hilarious story here Mr. X's sister's engagement proposal. Which happened in a jewelry store (you must picture a rather tall, intimidating, demanding woman and an average man for this) as she picked out the ring, most likely demanded the ring. He bought it in front of her end of story....how romantic right?? I say hilarious because it is tales like this that just make me shake my head at the loss of romance over the desire to wed. But, when you are raised in a home where finding true love and settling down is top priority it is no surprise forceful moments like this are the moment you can forever reflect on as the day he popped the question. AND we all know I am not the marrying type (although this does not mean I do not want to share my life adventure with someone who makes me truly happy, I just don't need a ring to do it). It is moments like these, moments where women tell me ALL they have ever wanted from life is to get married that make me wonder if they are truly being picky enough. That is right BE PICKY I say. Did you know that marriage is suppose to be forever? Don't just rush into something with someone because you have been dreaming of a white wedding your entire existence. You will only have your dream life if you are actually with your dream person. I think we see this over, and over, and over again as more and more people have short lived unions and are remarried and divorced several times. SLOW DOWN. I once worked with a woman who was on her fourth marriage before the age of 30, I am not judging at all, but what I am saying is if more TIME and more evaluation of your relationship would probably decrease your unions. A wedding is a lot of fun I am sure, it is all about love, and you, and whatever else you want it to be but you really need to ask yourself if you are actually IN LOVE with your partner or just the idea of them. Is it the idea of having a husband that keeps you with your mate or is it your actual mate. I have to be honest the entire time I spent with Mr. X (3 and a half long years) made me realize he was actually really just putting up with me most of the time under the hopes that I fit into his ideals enough to tie the knot and make babies. I was living in the shadow of his dreams and had pretty much given up my own. I had decided that I could put my life on the back burner so that his life could shine. How incredibly foolish of me! Thankfully all that sh*t hit the fan and the freedom to find myself made me realize that love needs to be about the here and now, the feelings, the rush, the passion and the moment NOT what the person might be, nor how they might change. Love the person you are with for who they are and how they make you feel. This settling into unhappy marriages is why I believe marriage has such a terrible stigma in popular culture for making people miserable.
2)Baby button ON! Okay I am just going to apologize right now to any women who read this and are offended. But, I have heard TOO many women say that all they want is a baby. They don't really care who it is with or if they are in the picture. HOWEVER! These said women who claim NOT to care if the father is around or not then proceed to jump through hopes to keep the fathers around. I see these relationships and they break my heart because they are loveless and worse they involve a child. It is fine if you want to settle for a loveless union for your own self serving notions but don't make a child grow up in one. Also, on the other side I have heard women both raised in households with morther looking for a new "baby daddy" and women just out looking for men they think would make great "baby daddy's" for their child without really any regard for if they actually love the person. My one friend was saying it was very hard on her growing up because her mom was constantly dating trying to find them a father. Uuuuuuummmmm, here is an idea love someone for who they are and love your children more. That is it. Don't love a man because you want to force them into a family because they treat your children well but treat you like dirt, don't love a man because you think they might be a good father (WHILE being a terrible partner to you), don't love them because they might take on parenting with you. Love for the sake of loving someone for who they are and what they are NOT anything else. I know I have no experience with children BUT I do have experience watching these catastrophic relationships unravel and what they have done to the children who grew up in these situations and I am telling you fall in love for the right reasons. I have literally heard friends say "But, he is such a good dad" while all the while being also a really great cheater and douche. Here is the thing, if you think your child is not watching how your partner treats you and learning from that you are an idiot. Children are sponges, they learn how men treat women first from watching their parents. Don't force a family on anyone, I am NOT saying don't collect child support. If you want to be intimate the reality is you might make a baby, if you do the crime that you might do the time. Which means I fully support child support, and I have heard too many men complain about women making them pay child support. Well, guess what? If you don't want to pay child support, then don't have unprotected sex. End of story. Babies are a possible end result of sex. Mostly though don't use your child as a reason to stay with anyone, children are not a reason to force a loveless union ever. Lastly I know incredible single parents and shared divorced couples that are doing amazing at raising their children.
"Today, one-third of American children – a total of 15 million – are being raised without a father. Nearly five million more children live without a mother."
-http://www.lifesitenews.com/news/the-number-of-children-living-in-single-parent-homes-has-nearly-doubled-in/
3) She's a Gold Digger. SO! I recently heard a friend of mine claiming he could not date in his area because the women were in deed after money. I feel like he is a kind hearted good man and therefore is not creating some story about women as he does want to meet someone to share his life with. This story on top of the fact that I have been hearing women lately talk about finances and not dating due to certain financial losses involved and it got me to wondering. As we can see in public media women marry men (much, much, much, much older) than them for money. And, I have seen women spend their husband's money like it is going out of style! And I am not saying marry some poor schmuck to prove you are not a gold digger, not at all! I am saying marry for love NOT for money! Because in a day in age with such things as prenuptial, and divorce (which is not cheap) marriage can be a financial catastrophe waiting to happen. In particular given common law rights and all that jazz, you should really be certain you are with the one you love because you truly love them, not their check book. In my relationship with Mr. X I often was financially stuck to him. Literally I had created a situation where I could not move or leave him financially. I was completely codependent on him. In moments like this in life you truly question if you are in the right spot with the right person. Be sure you are with the person you want to be with because you actually want to be with them. Not, because you are financially dependent. The best feeling in the world is being financially independent and not trapped with someone you don't really love because you want to spend their money. Be sure that your partner is with you because they want to be with you as well, if you are always paying for everything and you get the feeling that she does not care about you...then you are probably right. Cut lose the gold diggers and find someone who actually cares about you, not your money.
"Holler we want prenup, we want prenup, ya."
-Kanye West
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4) Time to Settle. Uh oh! You are getting older and you are still the feared S word...S....I....N....G....L....E!! What will one do! I have heard too many women as of late say that they are literally petrified of being alone and single. I feel that these women have never truly taken the time to appreciate their single lives. Being single is not a bad thing. Being single is actually a pretty rad thing! But, in a society where everyone is pushing wedding gowns and toddler shoes on women it is no wonder that women begin to panic that they will be ALONE. SO, in order to avoid this most terrible outcome they settle. They settle with a person who treats them poorly, who they don't really care about, who they cheat on, and a million other ridiculous outcomes I see all the time. I just have to shake my head. Being alone is not bad, in fact being alone is NOT lonely. Here is the thing while it is lovely to wake up next to someone you care about it is also just as lovely to wake up motivated for a beautiful day! Being single does not mean you suddenly have no one to grow old with, unless somehow you have no friends or family. Being single means a lot of healthy, amazing things actually. If you are sticking with someone because you are just afraid of being alone than you are with someone for the wrong reasons. You should be with someone that makes you think about how much you want to be WITH them NOT how the only reason you are with them is because being without them means being alone. This is ridiculous. This mentality is desperate.
So be with someone you love because you love them. End of story.
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