If he’s not calling you, it’s because you are not on his mind. If he creates expectations for you, and then doesn't follow through on little things, he will do same for big things. Be aware of this and realize that he’s okay with disappointing you. Don’t be with someone who doesn't do what they say they’re going to do. If he’s choosing not to make a simple effort that would put you at ease and bring harmony to a recurring fight, then he doesn't respect your feelings and needs. “Busy” is another word for “asshole.” “Asshole” is another word for the guy you’re dating. You deserve a fucking phone call.”
― Greg Behrendt
Partially out of exhaustion and partly because this is lingering on my mind I am writing about the tell tale signs that a guy is just straight up NOT INTERESTED. Seriously, I have to tell you guys you would make life SO MUCH EASIER if you just manned up and said "I am not interested." Because TRUST me women do not get the blatant hint that you have given up on them. Disillusioned hope of romance fueled by a life time of happily ever after tales, and extreme fear of being alone, or worse having to start fresh with someone new keeps strong, beautiful women with men that treat them like last week's garbage. So instead of having conversations about life and happiness and the future I am finding myself on the phone for hours upon end week after week having the same conversation with the same women. The majority of them constantly questioning "WHY?" why certain men act the way they do. I am going to tell you the one thing you really need to know to be happy in this world. Some people are just careless assholes. If you do not understand them then that is a good thing, that means you are not an asshole. Some men (and women of course) are just mean, they are pessimistic, they will suck the life out of you. If you give them an inch they will destroy you for a mile. That is the way of the world. There fore the following are three signs that he DOES NOT LIKE YOU, and that you need to move on.
"I'm about to make a wild, extreme and severe relationship rule: the word busy is a load of crap and is most often used by assholes. The word "busy" is the relationship Weapon of Mass Destruction. It seems like a good excuse, but in fact in every silo you uncover, all you're going to find is a man who didn't care enough to call. Remember men are never to busy to get what they want.”
― Greg Behrendt
1) He is not calling you. Seriously one would think that ignoring someone and not calling when you say you are going to would be enough of a sign for women to move on. BUT! I am here to tell you it is not. Women for some odd reason have too much hope in love to take someone continuously not calling as a hint (even though while I am writing this I can see that it should be taken for what it is and moved away from). Women that I spoke to had a million and one reasons for why a man might not be able to call, or how he might be feeling, LET ME TELL YOU THE TRUTH. The truth is all the reasons that women fathom in their pretty little heads in regards to men's actions are just excuses. They are excuses that these women want to believe so badly that they not only tell themselves but they also tell everyone else. They are excuses that they would much rather believe rather than he is just not into you. This kind of treatment is always hurtful of course, no one likes to be ignored or rejected. But, let's face it there is not going to be some kind of dating revolution where people wake up one day and realize that if they just openly and honestly say "I am sorry this is not working" that the ending of the situation does not need to be so difficult. I wish. However, we live in the here and now and in this present day situation men ignore women to let them know they are both losing and have lost interest. In the example of Ms. K, Ms. M and Ms. J (and myself of course) have experienced this shift in men. One day you are able to text him and chat freely, it is so fun getting to know one another and you look forward to the blinking light on your cell indicating his response. But, then one day you notice a shift. This shift I could argue is the beginning of the end. He slowly stops responding, he gets irritated when you bother him at work, suddenly all the things he use to say and do cease to exist and you are clinging on to him for dear life because this cannot be another botched attempt at romance. Not his time, you love him too much and you have been through so much together. But, most importantly you certainly can not be....ALONE! So, instead of realizing you lost him you hang on to him and force him to be with you by trying harder, and harder, and harder...until one day you wake up day after day more miserable than the one before but hey, at least you are not alone. WAKE UP! And, please realize that if he is not calling you and putting effort in than he truly is not that into you PERIOD. Of course I know there are some women out there that are reading this thinking BUT HE SAYS HE LOVES ME, the truth of the matter is we can all say whatever we want, it does not make it true. What he says once in a blue moon to you does not make up for the weeks, upon weeks, of sh*t treatment you endure for him. Get over him.
“Here's something else to think about: calling when you say you're going to is the very first brick in the house you are building of love and trust. If he can't lay this one stupid brick down, you ain't never gonna have a house baby, and it's cold outside.”
― Greg Behrendt, He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys
2) Hide and Seek! So here is the thing if you are with a guy and he hides things from you like constantly covering his phone and freaks if you get one foot near his computer. Than he probably has secrets. And, those secrets are most likely other women, or perhaps that he bad mouths you on the regular, or is a serial killer I am not sure, but I am sure that if your lover is keeping secrets from you it is not a good thing. Lunachick confession: I have too often found secret women in my men's electronic media communications because I read their personal messages. AND! When I confronted them about these women they actually tried to tell me that they did not tell me about these women because they do not mean anything and they did not want to upset me. YA RIGHT! One of them told me they were worried I would over react....so clearly lying to me thinking I would never find out the truth is the best option.....NOT! Honesty is the best policy. If you find that your man is hiding other women than they are NOT interested in you. I will tell you why, men are actually like women when they fall for someone. I do not mean they are the same in the way they process emotions or express them, no, not at all. But, I mean that men when they fall for a woman do NOT screw around. They do not even lead other women on. DO NOT be fooled by men that try and tell you that they just are "nice" to those girls and they get the wrong idea...ya f*cking right. If his day doesn't rise and set with you than the truth of the matter is that he is not falling for you. In fact if he has time to build up a wealth of women than he is really not into you! And, we can all think of a million excuses..."Once he gets to know me he will pick me," "That is just the way he is" BUT all these excuses end in the same ending don't they? They all end with "one day he will change." No he won't, and you know why he won't? Because he does not care about you. Sorry, this is a hard thing to digest. It was very hard for me to understand for a very long time too. People are going to not care about you, people are going to fall out of love with you, and it is going to hurt. But! Losing these people just makes room for the right ones and happiness. Secrets are not a girls best friend in the game of love so if he is full of them walk away.
"A man who wants to make a relationship work will move mountains to keep the
woman he loves”
― Greg Behrendt, He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys
3) Who are you? Who-who-who-who-who? Now these are excellent lyrics to old rock in roll but they are not good lyrics in your love song when uttered from his friends and family. If his social networks have no idea who you are then he probably has not introduced you and also probably has not talked about you. Both of which are not good signs. If his friends and family have no clue you exist than he is not into you. Think about it, when you are into someone you spend a lot of time with them and converse about said time with at least one of your friends. Therefore if you are seeing someone for a while and they do not show you off a little be weary. This is a clear indicator they are not that into you. If they are into you they would be excited to be with you. They would tell at least someone so if you are his little hidden hook up than you need to come to terms with the fact that this may be all you will ever be. This is also a hard thing to understand, but if your lover is not singing from the roof tops that you two are knocking boots than it is time for your boots to start walking. We live in an age in time where women have become accustom to, or rather, adapted to men treating them shabbily and instead of getting the hint that they are not the one we are meant to be dating. We think of millions upon millions of excuses for their situation that they want so desperately to believe. In return these men treat us increasingly worse and we become more desperate, and for what? Why do so many women I see have a fear of being alone? Why do so many women I see stay with men who make them miserable everyday rather than find happiness on their own? Why are so many women disillusioned by the hopes of romance? Quit lying to yourself and see that if your lover is not introducing to you to anyone it is a sign that he does not see you as dating material and do yourself a favor and move on.
“Don’t spend your time on and give your heart to any guy who makes you wonder about anything related to his feelings for you”
― Greg Behrendt, He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys
Tough love! Sorry if this advice is harsh but I am not doing you any favors by candy coating the reality of rejection. Rejection will always be hard. It will always hurt BUT it also always leads to a better life situation. I know dating is complicated and reading someone's mind because they waiver from ignoring you to loving you is complicated..OR NOT! Or just realize that if that person really meant I love you they would not spend the majority of time treating you like sh*t. Living in reality is healthier and while you may think reality is skeptical from reading this it is NOT, reality is full of real possibilities and optimism. But, you are seriously being foolish living in your own reality that no one else agrees with but you, and honestly you come across as a lunachick. So, instead of crying over spilled milk, pour yourself a new glass of milk and by new glass of milk I mean pour yourself an even larger glass of a new chapter in your life called happiness. Do not dwell on the past, the past is the past for reason. There is no time travelling back to a time where your lover was acting interested in you. When the flame dies out, it is dead. You may be able to breath a moments worth of life into it's deflated lifeless lungs but those breaths will only keep your love unnaturally alive for a while, soon it will erode again with the same issues because the truth of the matter is, when the love is gone it is gone. It is not coming back. It faded for a reason, and while if you have managed to find someone who keeps your love a float that is wonderful, but if you are clinging to MR. COULDNOTBEMORENOTINTERESTED give yourself a break, and give him a break and be the person you are meant to be not the person clinging onto someone you are not meant to be with. The truth is he is trying his darnedest to get rid of you in his really sh*tty way (remember Mr. X said that he never broke up with women he just treated them poorly until they would leave him because he hated break ups) so holding on because you are delusional that he is the one is actually not doing anyone any favors (I would know, I have held on for years when I should have walked away). My best advice to you is: Let him go, he is just as miserable as you are. Thanks for reading! Until next week! XO
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