3 Bullshit Lines

“I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you.” 
― Friedrich Nietzsche

Sigh....(that is a big sigh)....so lately Ms. M has been dealing with this guy.  He gave her the old song and dance about not wanting anything serious but still wanting to hang out after playing house for the past few weeks with her and leading her on.  Then Ms. K told me about her man and his millions of excuses for his lack of action towards acting like he gives a f*ck and I have just had it with men and the bull sh*t they feed women to keep banging them.  Truth be told I am tired of hearing my girlfriend's lame excuses to believe what they know (from time and time and time...etc...)  to be nothing but empty words.  So even though at this point in time I am pretty sure my advice just falls on deaf ears and I would have more success telling my dog the reality of these things because at least he pretends to be listening...here goes.  The following are three lines that if you hear you can bank in the account of complete and utter bullsh*t.

“Above all, don't lie to yourself. The man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie comes to a point that he cannot distinguish the truth within him, or around him, and so loses all respect for himself and for others. And having no respect he ceases to love.” 
― Fyodor Dostoyevsky, The Brothers Karamazov

1) "I am really not ready for anything serious but still want to hang out" - TRANSLATION:  I want to keep banging you on my terms with no commitment. SIGH!! (insert frustrated sigh with shaking head).  Here is the truth: IF A MAN WANTS TO DATE YOU HE WILL.  If he doesn't he will say this to you.  This means that while he does not view you as girlfriend material AT ALL, he is to p*ssy to man up and tell you.  He also likes getting a piece of ass whenever he fancies it and knows that if he leads you on just enough he can get that from you.  SO all of my girlfriends have whined about this to me, they all pout about a guy that they are totally into being not ready to date them.  What a load of bullshit.  They seem to be ready to have these same girls stay over night, have sex with them, text them and take them out on occasion just enough to maintain a level of the girl thinking things are going somewhere! All the while telling them things are not going anywhere.  "Hello mind games my old friend."  This may sound familiar from back in Mr. Elevator days.  He was this kind of coward.  If you don't want to date someone then don't.  Don't sneak around under the guise of dating while all the while claiming the opposite.  It is manipulative.  Here is what Ms. M said to me "It is totally fine if he just wants f*ck, but then let's just f*ck.  Don't make me dinner and take me out and introduce me to your friends."  I completely understand what she is saying.  The truth is if a man is into you he will move mountains for you, he will try and catch the moon and never make you cry.  He will not say he does not want to date you.  This means exactly what he is saying, DON'T HEAR that he likes what you have.  All that means is he likes f*cking you.  Big whoop, everyone likes that, that means nothing.  So when you hear this incredibly ridiculous line remember the translation and NEVER, EVER take it as anything more.  Men only say these things because they think that being honest will not get them what they want.

“It is better to offer no excuse than a bad one.” 
― George Washington

2)  "I just got out a long term relationship" - TRANSLATION: "You are a rebound."  Sigh (insert small defeated sigh).  I don't know why when women hear this they see this man as a broken bird in need of nourishing back to health. GOOD GRIEF! This man is telling you, YOU ARE NOT GOING TO BE A LONG TERM ANYTHING.  Yet, for some reason women hear this and hear "I am need of a woman to mend my heart, change my mind about women, bring me to love again and then I will be forever grateful...blah, blah, blah..." NO.  Thank Hollywood for this delusional take on things because it is years, and years, and years, of literature, mass media, and movies that have portrayed women with broken hearts as these beautiful broken souls that need men to mend them and teach them to fall in love again THEREFORE when they hear men say the above line they think they need to fix them.  WHAT A LOUD OF BULL SH*T.  If a man is outright giving you this excuse than guess what?  You are a rebound.  This is his excuse to not finding you dateable.  I don't know why but life would just be so much easier if men did not use any excuses and just said "No thanks."  But for some reason they feel like they have to feed up an excuse to the hungry woman who lusts to be called their one and only.  The sad thing is once these utterances escape his lips he is DOOMED! he has just given the girl of his non-affection a millon and one crazy thoughts about their fling that are completely made up from her fantasies in her head AND typically in these situations the man breaks down and just ends up telling the woman he does not want anything after weeks of leading her on with using the above line as what he thought was a buffer and it is a mess.  SO ladies do yourself a favor, when a man tells you this say "Sorry to hear, when you are done rebounding you know where I am at." Stand tall sister.

“Lies and secrets, Tessa, they are like a cancer in the soul. They eat away what is good and leave only destruction behind.” 
― Cassandra Clare, Clockwork Prince

3) "I am just not sure what I want right now" - TRANSLATION: "I am sure I don't want to be dating you but I am too afraid to say so." (Insert a W.T.F laugh here).  Why do I hear this so often from my girlfriends.  Why, oh why is there so much uncertainty in the world (that is pure sarcasm F.Y.I) Let's get real for a moment.  When you meet someone and they really want to date you and you are not interested saying no can be hard because they usually do not have a positive reaction and that is hard.  BUT!! Do you know what is even harder??  Lying.  Saying that you are not sure.  If you hear this take it as he is NOT interested.  Who the hell is not sure they want to date someone?  What do they expect you to do?  Just wait around optimisitically until they are sure that they want to?  Or don't want to?  What...the...serious...f*ck....When you want to date someone you know.  PERIOD.  There is no ho-hum time period where you are able to mull things over.  No.  While you absolutely can get to know someone, that is what I strongly suggest.  BUT! at the end of the day if you don't want to date them then just say that.  If someone tells you they do not know they want to date you than move on.  Do not tell them you will wait for them EVER! This drives me SO MENTAL when my girlfriends say things like this "I told him to call me when he knew what he wanted"  or worse "I asked him if he wanted to break up and he said he was not sure so I told him that we should...."  No, no, no.  You are worth someone's 100 percent wanting to date you. The worst part is selling this "not sure" B.S around makes the my girlfriends, one in particular, fill in the blanks.  Like it is some kind of Mad Lib puzzle and saying "not sure" means that my girlfriends should make up a million excuses and put words in their men's mouths so that they stay together.  It saddens me that this is reality. The truth is if a man can't think he wants to date you than don't think for him and get out of there. Seriously.

“The visionary lies to himself, the liar only to others.” 
― Friedrich Nietzsche

It may seem like I am all fired up this week and cussing like a sailor.  I am.  I am so tired of hearing the same excuses from men 20 to 40 from women 20 to 40 when all they are really trying to convey is that they are not interested.  Do me a HUGE favor! If you are not interested in my girlfriends, actually make that all women everywhere, just SAY IT.  Don't say one thing at all that gives them hope that you might possibly be interested.  Don't do it! Because I would rather pick up their broken pieces of your fresh break up than constantly have to point out that you are not interested once a week because they are clinging desperately to what they thought you had.  Also, it must be just as frustrating for the men that use these lines in the hopes of getting out and somehow keep getting looped right back in.  Do us all a favor just say "It's been a slice but I never want to see you again."  (Hopefully far, far, far more tactfully than this).  All these words to soften the break up are just strings to a sinking ship that my girlfriends are holding onto.  They are plummetting down with the Titanic of love stories and yet they are unable to let go because perhaps it might miraculously resurface with enough effort. Cut those damn strings and do us all a favor you are not the only person dealing with this disaster in fact, my girlfriends never complain to the men that say these things about. Oh no! They could never because they are trying their hardest to pretend like they are oh so cool with the situation and have a solution that makes them in a happy unity if they can just figure it out how to win your heart.  So in turn I hear all about the pathetic attempts these men make to break up, just say what you mean and don't be so afraid of breaking some hearts.  Hearts are actually made to be broken, it gives them character,.  I would know mine is a million little pieces but it works better than ever.  Thanks for reading XO