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So recently a few of my fantastic ladies have been feeling taken
for granted (that is not news to me, I hear this all the time, and I have
definitely felt this way too in my previous relationships). Given that this is not new news I was not
really phased or overly bothered than the usual. BUT, what really threw me into the topic for
this blog was what one of my dearest friends (who shall remain nameless this
week) told me. She told me that recently
and only recently she was treated amazingly well by a man. She said that
he made her feel really special, something her current man does not often
do. This made me realise something terrible. I DO NOT hear how
fantastic men are treating their women often enough (and of course this can go
both ways, women treat men shabby too often too!).
I do, however, hear how terrible their partners are, how
demanding, how unfair, demeaning, jealous, crazy...the list goes on but you get
the point. I literally know about a handful of friends who constantly
tell me how lovely it is to be with their partner and how amazing their partner
makes them feel. Don’t get me wrong there will be a rough patch here and
there with everyone. BUT, it is how these happy couples treat one another when
they weather the storm that keeps them so damn happy. The following are
three indicators you are with the right one (also if you do not have any of
these indicators than you are clearly with the wrong one, sorry to say).
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1) You feel lucky. If you look at your
love and think you are the luckiest person in the world than you are with the
right one. Here is a little story, the other day The American came over to my
place in the midst of a blizzard. He was over for about five minutes when
I told him I was out of toilet paper but had part of a box of Kleenex until
tomorrow. Without question he put a leash on my dog (who loves walks!)
and went to the shop to grab some (I should mention that he also brought me my
favorite treat and gave me a massage). I thought to myself “That is
awesome! I am really lucky.” The truth is I feel like this all the
time. There are no feelings of wavering doubt.
Also, I strongly believe
when you have found someone that you truly feel lucky to be with, like gold.
If you honestly think you have really lucked out and the man you are with is
the bees knees, than you are going to treat him as such, I am sure of it.
The truth is I have dated men who I did feel lucky be with. But, it was not really the right feeling of
luck. It was not based on how they
treated me, it was more a feeling of luck based on the fact that they had
similarities to me, or my family liked them, or whatever. I was basing my
evaluation of them on things that were not merely as important as how I was
being treated EVERY SECOND OF EVERYDAY. That feeling of luck can’t leave
you and come back, if you have struck gold than that feeling of appreciating
will be there to stay.
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2) You are treated like GOLD! Above I was
saying if you feel lucky than you will treat your partner like gold, well guess
what? It works both ways. If your man makes you feel like a queen
than he feels lucky too! Everyone has their own concept on what being
treated like a queen means. Ideally you will find a man that treats you
the way that you want to be treated. (AND, to anyone reading this trying
to brush off my emotions on the “honey moon phase” shame on you! You know my
feelings about that). Unfortunately if
you settle for a man who treats you like you are some kind of peasant who is
fortunate to grace his presence, than you will be miserable. If you feel
like you are less than your partner, than you are not with the right one.
You will always be sacrificing yourself and compromising your own happiness to
appease them out of feelings of being unworthy.
The right person will make you shine when you are in your darkest
moment. They will be your companion when you feel alone and they will
help you up when you fall down. It is a terrible thing to be trapped with
a miserable person. Misery loves company and if you are with someone who
constantly makes you feel worthless than you are with the wrong person.
Sometimes my girlfriends ask me if I think there is someone for everyone, even
their cruel, cheating, thieving, exes. I tell them it is possible.
This is very hard to hear because for some reason women have this view that
they can be the woman to change a man to his full potential...you should not
need to change anyone, if they wanted to be the person you wanted them to be
they would. The truth is that it is
completely possible there is someone just as miserable as someone else who
would live the life they want to live with someone you might see as
terrible. I am not here to judge those people, but if you feel like you
are being treated like sh*t on a shoe than you are not one of these people who
thrives being miserable. We should all be treated like gold.
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3) Comfortable in your skin. If you
feel sexy, confident and happy you are with the right one. The truth is
we all have something about us that we see as unsightly! Here you go, I have sweaty hands all the
time. It is a disorder I was born with
that approximately one in six north Americans have, it makes me extremely self
conscious about touching. We all have
moments where we feel unsure and are afraid of being judged this is
normal. However, if you are with someone that you can waltz in the nude
in front of and knows you touch up your roots and you feel happy that he knows
everything about you, than you are with the right one. (PLEASE do not
confuse this with comfort zone where people pee with the door open and clean
their ears in front of you – that is still disgusting to me.) If you feel so
beautiful that on days that you are not wearing makeup or have just woke up
because your partner makes you feel that way than you are with the right
one.
You should never, ever have to lie to the
person you are with PERIOD. I am not saying keep a detailed diary of your
life and report to your partner because that is crazy and also boring. I
mean you should never fear the reaction of your love. That is real
love. Real love is saying all the truths about yourself, and more, and
having them accepted. Unless of course you are planning an amazing
surprise for you love (F.Y.I I hate surprises, I am way too much a planner to
enjoy them). The truth is if you are keeping things from your lover
because you are afraid of them not loving you anymore than not only are you
presenting a false front, you are not wholly loved. You may also be living
in fear of being alone and should re-evaluate why you are so afraid to be
without someone. The person you are with
can only love the parts of you he knows about. Basically if your partner
knows all about you and still says those three little words than you are with
the right one.
I hope that you are all happy and loved because that is what we
all deserver in this life. I am not talking about seeking out love and
being desperately validated by it. NOT AT ALL! I am talking about feeling
worth every second of love and appreciation that you deserve. If your
partner constantly makes you feel poorly than you are with the wrong one and if
you are lucky enough to find someone who makes you feel wonderful than you are
right where you need to be. Thanks for reading! XO
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