The Weird World of Online Dating...Revisited

So let's be honest you reach an age where suddenly you feel old and outdated at the club.  I recall the exact moment in time a few years ago when a 19 year old bought me a shot.  We took them together and then he puked beside the bar.  At this moment in time I realised two things: a) I am too old for this sh#t and b) the bar may not produce the most suitable mates.  In March I reactivated my online dating profile and told myself I would master the world of online dating.  After all it can't be that bad can it?  I know you are possibly thinking I went down this road a long time ago when I first moved here, but let’s face it when I first moved here I was a hot mess.  Now that I am in the right mind frame I think I finally get how this all works.   The following are three tips I have discovered that have enabled me to say that online dating is not all bad.

1) Bring on the crazy.  Prepare yourself for all kinds of men hitting on you.  Why?  Because you are gorgeous and awesome.  But, do not feel compelled to give all weirdos a try.  I have had many bizarre messages and you are going to have to put in some time and effort and weed out the crazy.  Also, bear in mind that some of the crazy may come across as so because online dating can be awkward for some.  For me personally I know what I am looking for and that I am a good catch.  It helps if you have a healthy self-esteem and are happy in your life.  When someone who is off the wall messages you, you can easily block them OR you can message them and hope they go away (I have noticed the former is the least amount of stress and works best).  The heart of the issue is you are opening yourself up to the internet (I currently have 952 people who want to meet according to the "Meet Me" option).  Seriously think about this, almost one thousand people want to meet you, you are bound to have a few odd ducks that are not for you.  You have to realize this is not a Disney Fairy Princess moment, this is online dating.  It is strangers looking for a connection and more often than not there are going to be some WTF was that moments.  Brace yourself.

2) Talk it out.  Recently I was talking to my girlfriend Ms. J and I told her "It is really amazing how men really only give a damn when they want to sleep with you."  Online dating is like any dating.  Men who are truly not looking for a booty call or nude pictures will soon lose interest and teeter into the land of creepers with their creeper friends to troll another day.  Chat until you exchange numbers and be prepared for creepiness.  Perhaps #1 should have been beware of creepers but that is really only one side of this dating site and there is a lot more crazy out there.  I will share the signs I have noticed that have been huge creepy red flags.  Any texts that mention pleasure – if a guys says anything about pleasure abandon ship.  He is looking to get sexty.  Some men will ask you for shirtless photographs – I feel like this goes without saying, but again abandon ship.  AND, I GET IT.  Some of you are thinking but I haven’t had any action in a while and maybe I want to get sexty.  Don't do it.  I haven't touched a man in five long months, my dreams have become ridiculous fantasies that leave my mind distraught.  BUT, you ask yourself would you like a moment of sexual attention or the possibility of a life time of amazing moments?   If you wait it out and have real conversations you will strongly increase your chances of escaping Creepytown unscathed and you will have real dates with real men who will appreciate your time.

3) Prepare for the worst.  I think this would be a given but I will share this with you anyways.  Most pictures have been photo-shopped (I know GET OUT!!) but seriously.  Often the person you meet in person is going to be a few pounds heavier, have terrible teeth, actually be between jobs, sometimes the dating game is the good, the bad and the ugly. Some times you get to the date and you think “Sweet Pete! Who is that?”  Oddly enough you have not been catfished but basically it feels like it.  I am sorry but this is more often than not the case.  I went on a date with a guy who from his pictures seemed super cute but in person his teeth were horrifying and her wore skull rings.  Rings with skulls on them are not my jam.   But, it was still a pleasant date which I invested an hour and a half in at a cute diner because while you may think my words were harsh above they are the truth.  Teeth are a big seller for me, we all have our turn ons and pearly whites are one of mine.  I definitely did not and will not tell this gentlemen I found his smile to be ghastly, but rather I thanked him for the nice time and told him we did not have enough in common to see each other again.  Don’t be a dick.  If the picture does not meet your expectation be polite.  You are setting yourself up for terrible karma.  Wouldn’t you rather have a nice date with a dream boat that ended with him saying he did not think you had a good future than have that dream boat look you in the face and say “Good god no” and walk away?  Of course you would.  Treat others how you would like to be treated, and BE PREPARED for some unattractive times ahead.

In the end online dating is as frustrating as real life dating.  I think that women sit down and plug in their wants and their own info and they think "Presto" where is my dream man.  No.  This is not how life works.  You are essentially your own match making service online.  You have to sift through hundreds of applicants and decide who is worth meeting.  Then you also have to endure the meet ups and make your own pro and cons lists and decide what you want and don't want from each date.  It is a long process.  But, you’re worth it.  You can pay a match maker $1500.00 for three dates in this city or you can get motivated that you can and will meet someone worth your time.   I am gearing up to write a brief synopses of my dates as of late and all the knowledge these encounters have given me, so stay tuned! Thanks for reading XO