To ghost or not to ghost?

So I had some very interesting conversations with different men after my last blog regarding ghosting and have to say I yet again learned something interesting about the differences between women and men.  While all the women I spoke to agreed that ghosting was hurtful and would have appreciated being let down gently, men were living in a different world on the topic.  I guess men actually may be from Mars.  The men who approached me about the topic and vice versa had the following perspectives:

1) It is just part of dating.  Having had been out of the dating game with The American for such a long time I had forgotten this fact.  And, while I seriously dislike this aspect of dating, the guys who talked to me about this were correct.  Ghosting is part of our modern dating culture.  Obviously, we have the term "ghosting" it is such a inevitable possibility.  But, that doesn't mean that it is right.  While yes I agree it is a popular dating phenomenon I do really feel that it is not a positive trend.  It is like that old saying "If everyone jumped off a bridge would you."  Just because everyone is doing it doesn't make it right.  I see this trend more and more for asinine activities.  Do yourself a favor and try stand out in a crowd of ghosts.

2) It is kinder than telling someone you're not interested.  This excuse was the most valid offered and I had honestly not thought of it until it came out of the mouth of one of my male participants.  He said "Well it is nice to not say anything than tell someone you are not interested in them."  Then I thought of my mother and her "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all" advice and for one moment thought "Alright.  Alright then." In this one case and point ghosting can be seen as the humane thing to do.  While personally I think the most humane thing is to be complimentary and let the person down I can see how saying nothing can be viewed as being kind.

3) They were afraid they would have an awkward conversation.  This same subject then gave me the reason that he also was afraid the woman would become combative.  Okay, so I have said this a million times and I am going to say it one last time (or probably one more million times).  Don't do the crime if you cannot do the time.  I see so many people complaining that they lead someone one and then that person had feelings for them and they were hurt and said "crazy" things to them.  Oh boohoo.  Grow up.  It is called being an adult.  Feedback is part of life.  If you don’t like, then don't lead people on, and don't date is my advice.  Any man who actually thinks that avoiding women rather than having a conversation with them is better is not worth your time. Unless she stabbed you with a fork get over it.  Also, so she said some things that made you feel badly for hurting her feelings.  You probably deserved to think for a moment about those feelings and how your actions were affecting others anyway.  I mean seriously.  Seriously.

So in the end while I did rethink ghosting and do now believe that some men may honestly think they are doing the kind thing, in general though I still think it is a real sh#t thing to do to anyone.  Personally I will not be part of the trend and still maintain that a quick and kind message letting the person know you are not interested is just as effective, in fact, more so than ghosting.  And, for the love of Pete try and just be honest, don't create some other love interest or that you unexpectedly leaving the country…we are all adults let's try like acting like them.  Thanks for reading! XO