Ugh nothing is worse than your first disagreement hands down. Suddenly the anxiety of joy over his first morning text is soured into wondering if you will hear from him again. And, let's be honest you are not going to agree on everything and love the way you treat each other 24/7. While most of your friends are in long term relationships they have completely forgotten the sensation of the first time you butt heads with your man. While those women who are single have also forgotten that this too is part of the dating routine. But, it is so essential to be blunt to have this moment. It defines your entire relationship and brings out the level of respect you have for one another for the following three reasons.
1) You FINALLY disagreed. The honeymoon period is so glorious that you really don't care to fret or worry and you just sail along sweet as honey until one day both of you have a bad day and maybe you haven't seen each other in a while and maybe a million small factors are adding up and they make you not as easy going with one another. You come to a stand still. And, it is entirely possible that one of you tries to deescalate the situation by making a joke which makes the other think they are not being taken seriously…release the hounds. And, the first infraction is not important enough to actually get angry but it is enough to exchange words and apologies. Congratulations! You are adults. You disagreed on something that meant something to one, or both of you and you worked it out. This is a HUGE step in the future of how you will interact upon disagreements. If your disagreement ended with guilt, anger, someone's house on fire you are not passing this level very well. If your disagreement ended with the exchange of apologies and feeling generally happy about the other person then you are doing pretty great.
2) R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Nothing says respect like communication. If you are able to come to a disagreement or an issue that makes you unhappy and hash it out you probably respect one another. If you did not drag things out, place blame, retaliate with a master plan of revenge or any other semi-psychotic plan than you probably respect your partner. I learned through losing The American not to drag things out, to apologize back and to focus on the good in a person. I gained nothing by dragging things out, in my mind I thought I really had to prove my point but in the end it was a huge waste of time and energy. But, this is too easy to do in the beginning. You want to always be around your new beau so you quickly forgive and forget anything that isn’t sunshine, lollypops and rainbows, it is maintaining this forgiveness throughout your relationship that can be the challenge. Don’t lose something special because you wanted to be right.
3) Adulting. While I do think that you should apologize, communicate openly and forgive each other I also think it is crucial do so in a way that is not for your own power. It is 100 percent normal for your new dating situation to result in some kind of feelings that may not be kittens and rainbows. And, it is vital for the health of yourself and your new relationship that you express these feelings. Do not push things down, if something bothers you speak up in a non-accusing manner and say "Hey, I feel this way about this." and if the person you are with is an adult they will say "Hey, sorry about this" and away you go. However, if you are dating a douche when you say "I feel this way" they will respond "Well that is because you are crazy, or over reacting, or sensitive…etc" A douche will blame your feelings on you rather than acknowledging that he should apologize and vice versa. Be an adult. Talk about your feelings the good and the bad. Be kind. Don't be a douche.
And, as you can probably HD and I had a bad day. Independently of one another that peaked in a short series of texts which ended in apologies. It was nothing major and was actually probably nothing to do with either of us, but when you have a bad day it is hard to be yourself and enjoy the honey moon. HD in the end surprised me (as usual) with his thoughtful cool head I am thankful. Thanks for reading! XO
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