Or the infamous words of Salt'n'Pepper "Push it"
The Push-Pull Effect, we have all experienced it on some level. One moment you are sailing happily into the endless realm of what could be with your new man but suddenly he pulls the plug. You are left with no wind your sail wondering what the hell happened.
1) Right in the feels. Once again we learn that men and women process their emotions differently (shocking). When women start to have feelings they feel happy and hopeful. While it would appear as though some men freak out. According to countless sources while women feel the beginnings of love and are able to handle this men have the opposite reaction. There does not seem to be one solid basis to explain this reaction. There were numerous discussion about this topic both with my friends and online and it appears when some men have feeling they are like "What the f#ck was that?" They step back to process what they are feeling and why. Don't worry either they will figure out it was their feelings working or they will run away, for your sake I always hope it is the former.
2) They have issues. Yes, men have just as many issues from former heart break as their female counterparts which can often be difficult to understand for women. In a society which constantly presses the matter as women have baggage and issues I assure you in your 30s there is no single serving of mancake that does not come with some left over icing he is sensitive about. I think that point one (above) is heavily linked to this. He starts to feel towards you and when he pulls away to think rather than remembering how fun falling in love can be he freaks out. He suddenly remembers all the bad and the ugly and hurt and discomfort that comes with falling out of love. He recalls his battles and reflects on his scars and the truth is some people are too broken to love. They have been beaten into a million little pieces and they just cannot try, no matter how wonderful they are.
3) You went Crazytown. Last but most definitely NOT least you pulled when he pulled or you pushed to hard. Essentially picture a swinging door with a handle and two people trying to open it by pulling, it doesn't work. Or when one person slams it open the other side is crushed and not happy. I often struggle with not grabbing my bazooka and blasting through the door to see what solution can be found to help the person on the other side, pretty well obliterating any chance of anything surviving. We are all a work in progress. It is in our nature as someone we care about pulls away to try and pull them back to us. We do all kinds of crazy things, and while all sources say when he pulls away let him I find this solution so insensitive. Just let him process his emotions for sure but to just let him pull away and leave him is such a strange but apparently necessary approach. According to men I spoke to and online sources men need time to miss you and come to their own conclusions about you without you getting their face. While he pulls away you may want to pull him close and try everything in your power to keep him which is apparently the wrong course of action – this one I am still working on. Space, some people need it.
Space is such a strange concept when all you want is to hear from your love interest and be near them. While you may see them pulling away as them not feeling the same way it apparently does indicate they feel. Sadly they just cannot process their feelings the way you are. Rather than want to see you they want to protect themselves and you from this treacherous possibility of love. Hang in there. Some men are not going to be easy. Thanks for reading! XO
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