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It is right around the time that I am comfortable, and
forget the cruelty of the opposite sex, that I am reminded never get to
comfortable. My latest reminder that men
are not what they appear to be went like this.
When I lived in Podung No Where on Vancouver Island I was friends with a
very handsome, respectable man, we will call him Mr. NotCool. Despite being ridiculously sullen and dull at
times Mr. Not Cool was a great guy. He
has baggage being 30, divorced with a kid but I always thought he had a high
level of regard for women and himself, he always dated high class women who
were not party girls and treated women very well. Now I can say my impression of him has
completely changed, see during this time I also befriended a very wild party girl;
she is also extremely sexually liberated and cheats on her boyfriend every
weekend. I think you can see where this
is going. Yep, they hooked up this
weekend and I am appalled. My opinion of
Mr. NotCool totally changed because I always thought that had very fine taste
in women and also because I never thought he was the type of scum to fool
around with someone else’s love. BUT this instance made me remember men are NOT
what they appear to be. They do only
really care about one thing, this impression was only further burned into my
memory as I began to think of all the bunk things my male friends, lovers,
boyfriends and coworkers have done over the years. I am sorry to say that men are inconsiderate,
do not ever forget that.
I was recently having a conversation with Ms.K (this
conversation happens about once a week I should fill you in) and she was saying
again how she felt much underappreciated and wanted a higher level of
consideration from her man. Then it
donned on me, this seems to be the complaint, including by me, of all women in
regards to all men. Men are inconsiderate. So this is what I told her:
“Just as all women are crazy, all men are inconsiderate. You will never be happy wanting to change the
one you are with, they only answer is to find a man whose level of
inconsideration you can live with and go from there”
My advice is always the same for men, except instead of
inconsiderate I replace it with crazy for women. There is no PERFECT being out there that is
going to some little thing that bothers you.
I know I am crazy, I have an awful temper, and I can be very bossy and
love getting my own way, all personality faults I am working on. But, I also have some amazing personality
traits that make up for my faults, it is about balance, and it is about finding
a man, woman, or whatever makes you happy that you find that balance in. BUT you are NOT in balance if you are continuously
feeling unhappy, neglected, etc. any negative feelings you have repeatedly
means that you are out of balance. Do
not be with someone you want to change to get into balance either, being with
someone in the hopes they will change is futile. Also, it is not your place to change someone,
they may be perfectly happy the way they are, and there may be someone out
there that would love them just that way, so who are you to change them? Also,
in return there may be someone doing the exact same thing to the person that is
just right for you. So just let men be
inconsiderate and do yourself a favour, do not forget it.
Something that really bothered me during this revelation was
the amount of excuses I heard from men while telling them about their
inconsiderate ways. They had a million
excuses but the main one was that they just did not know any better. Let me call BULL SHIT right now on that. Really my friend Mr. Suit told me he was not
coming to my bday because he had to go to an older friend’s bday because his 21
year old daughter was bringing her friends.
(In the end he did come to my bday after a slightly heated discussion)
BUT! You cannot tell me that telling your friend that:
a) That you are not coming to her bday that she invited you
to a month ago is considerate in any way.
b) That telling said friend that you are doing so for
someone else’s bday is any more considerate.
c) That telling said friend that you are doing so because
there is a chance to hook up with women a decade younger than you is not CREEPY
and inconsiderate.
There is NO WAY men do not know. Another example Ms.K told me her man will not
answer her calls when he does not feel like talking to her. There is NO WAY telling someone you
intentionally ignore their calls when they are upset is considerate in anyway.
Men know. It is
common courtesy, so instead of trying to fill me up with excuses why don’t men
just come clean and own it? According to most literature out there the main
reason men lie about their actions is because they do not want to hurt your
feelings. The other top three reasons
are:
1) They do not want
drama
2) They perceive no benefit from the truth.
3) They want to impress you.
I noticed in my research not once did I see “Men lie because
they do not know any better” NOPE.
Because they do know better, and they know exactly what they are doing
when they do it. So here is my advice to
men if any read this and just my opinion to my female readers of what would
work better than pleading ignorance. If
a man is inconsiderate to me he should just say “You know what, I am sorry, I
was inconsiderate” AMAZING!! All would be forgiven. Honesty, sincerity, effort, all in that
statement, it is beautiful. But, it
NEVER happens; men instead make a million excuses.
“Oh I was inconsiderate because I did not know….”
“Oh I was inconsiderate because I was tired…”
“…because I was hungry…”
“….because I you did…”
“…because I had a bad day…”
The thing is you were inconsiderate just because you
were. I am tired of excuses, I am bored
of lies, I am exhausted from trying to get the simple “That was inconsiderate,
I apologize” IT IS SO SIMPLE.
Men are so wrapped up in trying not to hurt women with their
deceit what they do not realize is that is what is actually hurting us the
most. Do you know how it makes me feel
when a man tells me he has to lie to me? It makes me feel faulted, like I am
not someone who can handle the truth. It
makes me feel hurt; it makes me feel a million shitty things that simply the
truth would not have made me feel at all. Another bizarre chain reaction that men and
women both hate is NEEDINESS!! I blogged about this a while back now, see men
lie, then they admit to a lie but instead of
making things better it makes things worse. Women get crazy because then they see deceit everywhere,
they cling to their man, they go bonkers, see in the situation with Ms. K now
she has no idea if her man is actually busy or just ignoring her. In an ideal world men would be honest with
women and all this mess could just be avoided.
In fact the four reasons men lie to women listed above would actually be
avoided with simple kind truth. No lies,
no deception, just honesty. Now, when I
say honesty I do not mean “I cheated on you because you are fat” That is
cruelty! That is bastardry. Honesty as in “I did this because I did, and I am
sorry” that is honesty, that is purity without blame, without hatred, without
strings attached. But, somehow we try
and date in a world that is strung together by lies and deceit and men
pretending to be something they are not, misleading their pretty little prey
into the lion’s den.
One last rant here, text messaging is NOT an acceptable form
of honesty. If you would like to say
something to someone and you actually care about how they take it, say it to their
face. Ms. J recently got dumped in a
text message, and my two last dating scenarios faced a similar fate. There is nothing more unsettling than reading
an emotionless text and thinking that is what you are worth. Grow up, have an adult conversation with a
woman if you are not interested, chances are nine times out of ten, she is
going to respect you for it and say good bye.
My apologies for the one in ten mentally unstable woman that may go into
hysterics and throw a vase at your head.
This week is a complicated week. I would say I was half successful on my man
hiatus. It is always when you are not
wanting anything to do with men, and are reminded of their level of awfulness
that a few will crawl out of the wood work onto your path. Tread carefully I warn myself. One is Mr. Kind, he is a friend of a friend,
a very nice guy, or is he? We met on Friday at my good friend’s place, so he is
friend material and that is it for now, as I am not foolish enough to be
reminded of douchbaggery and on the same day forget all about it and jump into
dating. The second is Mr. Yukon, he is an
associate of Ms. J’s work, he only comes to town periodically, he is very
young, very rich, very charming, very handsome, very fun, but with all those
elements he is probably also very dangerous so he maintains at texting level. As for
Mr. Elevator he is a continued fixture of my love life, we are on a good page
of just hanging out and not rushing anything but also not on a serious note. Basically at this point I do not want to
exclude getting to know any man on a superficial level but really would have to
date them for a LONG, LONG, LONG time before I am in any head set to feel they
are not going to turn out to be the worst thing that ever happened to me. Totally jaded this week sorry readers, but it
seems when you are the most convinced of the worst that the best will
happen. Also, I have been running every
day and cut out gluten from my diet so I am feeling great, I also have work
this week in a law firm so life is an amazing gift, and often a better enjoyed gift
by myself. Thanks for reading!
P.S for all the men reading this I do not have PMS, this is
the truth!
References:
Picture One:
Picture Two:
Ibid.
Picture Three:
Picture Four:
Picture Five:
Articles:
“Decoding Male Behaviour: Why Men Lie” http://www.anewmode.com/dating-relationships/why-do-men-lie-2/
“When you are being inconsiderate to her” http://singlecityguy.com/2010/09/11/when-are-you-being-inconsiderate-to-her/
“What Women do not understand about men but should” http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/life/blogs/ask-sam/what-women-dont-understand-about-men-but-should-20120206-1r0ql.html
“Real Men Do Not Pretend or Even Try to Understand Women” http://www.torontosnumber1datedoctor.com/NEWSLETTER%20ARTICLES/mystery.html
