Diary Of A City Girl : Men = Inconsiderate, Got it.

“If men had to wear ID bracelets that said 'douche' and 'husband material' my life would be so much easier.”

- Unknown

It is right around the time that I am comfortable, and forget the cruelty of the opposite sex, that I am reminded never get to comfortable. My latest reminder that men are not what they appear to be went like this. When I lived in Podung No Where on Vancouver Island I was friends with a very handsome, respectable man, we will call him Mr. NotCool. Despite being ridiculously sullen and dull at times Mr. Not Cool was a great guy. He has baggage being 30, divorced with a kid but I always thought he had a high level of regard for women and himself, he always dated high class women who were not party girls and treated women very well. Now I can say my impression of him has completely changed, see during this time I also befriended a very wild party girl; she is also extremely sexually liberated and cheats on her boyfriend every weekend. I think you can see where this is going. Yep, they hooked up this weekend and I am appalled. My opinion of Mr. NotCool totally changed because I always thought that had very fine taste in women and also because I never thought he was the type of scum to fool around with someone else’s love. BUT this instance made me remember men are NOT what they appear to be. They do only really care about one thing, this impression was only further burned into my memory as I began to think of all the bunk things my male friends, lovers, boyfriends and coworkers have done over the years. I am sorry to say that men are inconsiderate, do not ever forget that.

I was recently having a conversation with Ms.K (this conversation happens about once a week I should fill you in) and she was saying again how she felt much underappreciated and wanted a higher level of consideration from her man. Then it donned on me, this seems to be the complaint, including by me, of all women in regards to all men. Men are inconsiderate. So this is what I told her:

“Just as all women are crazy, all men are inconsiderate. You will never be happy wanting to change the one you are with, they only answer is to find a man whose level of inconsideration you can live with and go from there”

My advice is always the same for men, except instead of inconsiderate I replace it with crazy for women. There is no PERFECT being out there that is going to some little thing that bothers you. I know I am crazy, I have an awful temper, and I can be very bossy and love getting my own way, all personality faults I am working on. But, I also have some amazing personality traits that make up for my faults, it is about balance, and it is about finding a man, woman, or whatever makes you happy that you find that balance in. BUT you are NOT in balance if you are continuously feeling unhappy, neglected, etc. any negative feelings you have repeatedly means that you are out of balance. Do not be with someone you want to change to get into balance either, being with someone in the hopes they will change is futile. Also, it is not your place to change someone, they may be perfectly happy the way they are, and there may be someone out there that would love them just that way, so who are you to change them? Also, in return there may be someone doing the exact same thing to the person that is just right for you. So just let men be inconsiderate and do yourself a favour, do not forget it.

Something that really bothered me during this revelation was the amount of excuses I heard from men while telling them about their inconsiderate ways. They had a million excuses but the main one was that they just did not know any better. Let me call BULL SHIT right now on that. Really my friend Mr. Suit told me he was not coming to my bday because he had to go to an older friend’s bday because his 21 year old daughter was bringing her friends. (In the end he did come to my bday after a slightly heated discussion) BUT! You cannot tell me that telling your friend that:

a) That you are not coming to her bday that she invited you to a month ago is considerate in any way.

b) That telling said friend that you are doing so for someone else’s bday is any more considerate.

c) That telling said friend that you are doing so because there is a chance to hook up with women a decade younger than you is not CREEPY and inconsiderate.

There is NO WAY men do not know. Another example Ms.K told me her man will not answer her calls when he does not feel like talking to her. There is NO WAY telling someone you intentionally ignore their calls when they are upset is considerate in anyway.

Men know. It is common courtesy, so instead of trying to fill me up with excuses why don’t men just come clean and own it? According to most literature out there the main reason men lie about their actions is because they do not want to hurt your feelings. The other top three reasons are:

1) They do not want drama

2) They perceive no benefit from the truth.

3) They want to impress you.

I noticed in my research not once did I see “Men lie because they do not know any better” NOPE. Because they do know better, and they know exactly what they are doing when they do it. So here is my advice to men if any read this and just my opinion to my female readers of what would work better than pleading ignorance. If a man is inconsiderate to me he should just say “You know what, I am sorry, I was inconsiderate” AMAZING!! All would be forgiven. Honesty, sincerity, effort, all in that statement, it is beautiful. But, it NEVER happens; men instead make a million excuses.

“Oh I was inconsiderate because I did not know….”

“Oh I was inconsiderate because I was tired…”

“…because I was hungry…”

“….because I you did…”

“…because I had a bad day…”

The thing is you were inconsiderate just because you were. I am tired of excuses, I am bored of lies, I am exhausted from trying to get the simple “That was inconsiderate, I apologize” IT IS SO SIMPLE.

Men are so wrapped up in trying not to hurt women with their deceit what they do not realize is that is what is actually hurting us the most. Do you know how it makes me feel when a man tells me he has to lie to me? It makes me feel faulted, like I am not someone who can handle the truth. It makes me feel hurt; it makes me feel a million shitty things that simply the truth would not have made me feel at all. Another bizarre chain reaction that men and women both hate is NEEDINESS!! I blogged about this a while back now, see men lie, then they admit to a lie but instead of making things better it makes things worse. Women get crazy because then they see deceit everywhere, they cling to their man, they go bonkers, see in the situation with Ms. K now she has no idea if her man is actually busy or just ignoring her. In an ideal world men would be honest with women and all this mess could just be avoided. In fact the four reasons men lie to women listed above would actually be avoided with simple kind truth. No lies, no deception, just honesty. Now, when I say honesty I do not mean “I cheated on you because you are fat” That is cruelty! That is bastardry. Honesty as in “I did this because I did, and I am sorry” that is honesty, that is purity without blame, without hatred, without strings attached. But, somehow we try and date in a world that is strung together by lies and deceit and men pretending to be something they are not, misleading their pretty little prey into the lion’s den.

One last rant here, text messaging is NOT an acceptable form of honesty. If you would like to say something to someone and you actually care about how they take it, say it to their face. Ms. J recently got dumped in a text message, and my two last dating scenarios faced a similar fate. There is nothing more unsettling than reading an emotionless text and thinking that is what you are worth. Grow up, have an adult conversation with a woman if you are not interested, chances are nine times out of ten, she is going to respect you for it and say good bye. My apologies for the one in ten mentally unstable woman that may go into hysterics and throw a vase at your head.

This week is a complicated week. I would say I was half successful on my man hiatus. It is always when you are not wanting anything to do with men, and are reminded of their level of awfulness that a few will crawl out of the wood work onto your path. Tread carefully I warn myself. One is Mr. Kind, he is a friend of a friend, a very nice guy, or is he? We met on Friday at my good friend’s place, so he is friend material and that is it for now, as I am not foolish enough to be reminded of douchbaggery and on the same day forget all about it and jump into dating. The second is Mr. Yukon, he is an associate of Ms. J’s work, he only comes to town periodically, he is very young, very rich, very charming, very handsome, very fun, but with all those elements he is probably also very dangerous so he maintains at texting level. As for Mr. Elevator he is a continued fixture of my love life, we are on a good page of just hanging out and not rushing anything but also not on a serious note. Basically at this point I do not want to exclude getting to know any man on a superficial level but really would have to date them for a LONG, LONG, LONG time before I am in any head set to feel they are not going to turn out to be the worst thing that ever happened to me. Totally jaded this week sorry readers, but it seems when you are the most convinced of the worst that the best will happen. Also, I have been running every day and cut out gluten from my diet so I am feeling great, I also have work this week in a law firm so life is an amazing gift, and often a better enjoyed gift by myself. Thanks for reading!

P.S for all the men reading this I do not have PMS, this is the truth!