Wednesday, 8 July 2015

Break Up Survival Tips


A few years ago when I first started this blog, I had many women ask me how I did it.  How did I pick up all the broken little shattered pieces of my heart and find happiness.  Sadly, I never felt I had the right answer for them.  By the time they were asking I was almost whole again and I could not remember how I got from A to almost Z.  When the heart heals, apparently so does the mind. Which is probably why so many of us are foolish enough to roll the dice in the game love again.  Somehow as the scars of our past lovers fade so do the memories of the pain they brought.  Fortunately, for all those searching for the answer, I like you am broken hearted.  The American has ripped my heart out and left me to travel down the road (sadly traveled too often) to find myself again.  So as is my way I have read several articles and one self-help book on moving on, amazingly enough, none of them were the magic cure to moving on, but I will share with you the three steps to getting over your Mr. Wrong I have learned from both research and experience.

Step One: Zero Contact
It appears as though every romance scholar has attended the same University and studied the same heart ache etiquette as they agree that space is a must.  Welcome to the hardest and yet most healthy 30 days of your life.  Zero contact.  Unless you and your Mr. Wrong fell amicably out of love and you are best friends than you will need to not have any contact with your Mr. Wrong for 30 long days.  DO NOT spend these days stalking him on social media.  Wincing over any photo he posts where a woman may be within 100 meters fixating on whether or not he likes said woman.  DO NOT follow his likes and seriously begin to think he is dating a woman who he liked a photograph of. (you know who you are.) Calm you inner Lunachick and realize that the only true way to get a grasp on your self is to NOT look at him at all.  DO NOT text him your last thoughts on your relationship (guilty of this).  But, rather write these thoughts down and in a month from now if you really feel like sending said thoughts to him do so.  Zero Contact a.k.a the Dead Zone is so difficult for women, which I blame whole heartedly on the fact that women are so highly vocal.  Women do speak on an average of a 1000 words more a day than their male counterparts.  We are taught from a young age that we can talk things through and to vent to and cry and feel, so not expressing our emotions can feel crippling.  Stay strong.

Step Two: Just keep swimming
Stay active.  Join a gym.  Go out dancing.  Work over time.  Whatever you need to do.  Do it, and do it until you are so exhausted the only thing you want to do when you get home is face plant into bed at a reasonable hour and sleep deep and satisfied.  Idle hands will make you do the things that pain you, such as miss your Mr. Wrong and think about him relentlessly.  Do not cave into the tricks of boredom.  Find what you love and do the hell out of it.  Fortunately if you are like me you have been dumped in the peak of summer and staying busy is easy.  You know when I find moments of relief and happiness?  When I am hard at work, when I am lost in a good conversation and of course when I am sleeping.  DO NOT give in to sleep.  When one is down and out sleep seems to be such an amazing option.  And, why should you put on pants and join the living anyways?  Because it is healthy.  The only thing that will heal your fresh wounds is time.  Don’t rub salt on them by sulking away the day doing nothing but pining for you Mr. Wrong.  You and I are better than that.  So, let’s get out there!

Day Three: Take a Vacation
It doesn’t have to be a crazy vacation.  I am going away with my mom to Mexico for seven days (seven days which I originally took off to vacation with The American), seven glorious days to take back all the confidence and self-esteem a break up strip you off.  To ease your mind of all the million questions, such as what is wrong with you?  Do you need to lose some weight?  Get hair extensions? etc.  All the little insecurities what were shinning through the glued cracks of when you put yourself together the first time so many years ago that are now shinning through your persona blinding you from your self worth.  Get away and remember you are amazing.   Okay, if you are thinking I cannot take a vacation, then do a small weekend getaway, or even just a spa day.  Some how treat your self to something that is both indulging and amazing.  Make yourself feel like a million bucks rolled in another million bucks.  Why?  Because you are worth it.  And so am I.  This indulgence will remind you what life is about, you.  And, what life is full of, possibilities.  You are about to do a whole lot of living for you and this vacation or treat will remind you what that feels like.  Often in relationships we get bogged down and we become so involved in our partner we forget how nice it can be to just think of ourselves for a moment.  Enjoy the moments you have now and do something special for you!


We live in a society where bearing your true emotions is something that is often ridiculed and judged, but I say there is no harm in being honest. Truth be told I was going to propose to The American.  I picked out a ring and planned the day.  I was happy and in love with someone who was not either of those things with me.  There is no use in sugar coating reality.  I am not The Americans cup of tea. Not all relationships end the way we think they will.  This break up has taught me a lot which I hope to share with you if you keep reading.  Until next week. XO thanks for reading.  

No comments:

Post a Comment