As hard as the end of relationships are they are also incredibly enlightening. Perhaps one of the reasons that breaks ups are so hard to stomach is that you slowly start to see your ex for who they really are. My friend Sal recently told me the old saying "Love is blind" and he was 100 percent right. I am not sure if it is fortunate or not that you soon see all the flaws in your ex love. I mean on the one hand this means you are moving on and able to see clearly. But, on the other hand it means that you really were with someone who was not worth your affection or time in the end. Everyone always says learn from your break ups, so I will share three things I learned.
Thing One:
Romance is not dead, it was just in a coma because I was with the wrong person. I touched a little bit about this on my last blog. I attracted the American to me, I was attracting a mediocre love affair that was not fueled by intense passion or romance. I use to think romance was silly, until I had none in my life for almost two years. The American was thoughtful, but not romantic. And, you know what? I want god damn flowers. There I said it. I want roses in the middle of the day because someone was thinking of me. I want impromptu dinner at my favorite restaurant and a picnic at the beach. Why? Because romance is NOT silly. It is possible if you have it as a standard. I want romance to be a norm in my future relationship and I know it will happen because I won't fool myself into thinking that a life without romance is fine. It isn't fine. It leaves you wanting more. It leaves you saying things are romantic that are not because you are so thirsty for a taste of romance you see it in places it never existed.
Thing Two:
I am worth it. Time and time again I somehow get into my head in relationships that I am the lesser of the equation of two. I am not sure how I get like this. I think I am always trying to make people happy and in doing so I try and sell myself short, I see myself as all the problems of the failed relationship. Not anymore. I am worth it even a few pounds heavier, even with short ginger hair, even with all the small criticisms that Mr. X and The American pointed out over our years together. If I had a time machine I would transport myself right back to the first time each of them put me down and I would say "F*ck off" and walked right out the door and never looked back and be a lot better off. Any man who doesn't see you as the amazing, beautiful person you are does not deserve you for one second. |This is a lesson I had to learn, not once, not twice, BUT three times, but I get it now and I will never let it go.
Thing Three:
Love someone worth your love. Did you know The American was unemployed for 14 months, and to my knowledge still is? And, that Mr, X grew a full beard and put on weight so much he began looking like the guy from the Hangover movies? (Zack Gallihoweryouspellit) The truth is I am not sure I have ever loved someone who is my equal in all senses of the word. However, I am now determined that my future will only involve gainfully employed, fit, fun, kind hearted, driven men (with a full head of thick hair preferably). Because, as a hard working career woman who attends regular fitness classes, runs marathons, has a healthy social life and is in general an upbeat outgoing leader in life I deserve to find someone similar to me. We all do, and I use to think that I could be happy with someone who was my opposite, but the truth is I cannot. I cannot date an introvert, a hermit, a stoner, and the list goes on, and on, and on, because I need to find some common ground to build respect on.
Breakups are so empowering once your rose colored glasses come off and you can see the world and more importantly yourself more clearly. It is such a wonderful feeling to feel liberated. Of course at first you do not feel like your ex has helped you by ripping out your heart, but soon after you realize he was really not the person for you, you will be happy he did. Thanks for reading. Until next week. XO
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