3 Lies Women Tell Men

“If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.” 
― Mark Twain

Recently I have been embracing my height.  As some of you know I am 5 foot, 10 inches tall.  I have had a very nice collection of heels for years that I have barely worn.  Until this week when several men complimented me on my height and not only did they like it, they actually thought tall was sexy.  And, being in the right mind frame I heard their words and believed them, and it felt amazing. This is a foreign concept to me.  All my life my lovers have told me it creeps them out when I wear heels and am taller them, or my friends have ridiculed me for being so tall that I never need a ladder or my sister calling me a freak and I began to believe that tall was everything but wanted.  UNTIL NOW, tall is sexy, AND so is short.  Here is the thing, different strokes for different folks and both can be desirable and both are awesome.  But, this revelation got me to thinking why almost my whole life have I been hiding from my height.  Agreeing with men when they say no to heels and wearing plain ugly flats, while always longing for those hot little stilettos in the window.  Why would I say things like "Ya, when you are freakishly tall heels are not a good idea" when inside all I wanted to do was rock heels. And, also, thinking if super models are also tall than aren't freaks sort of adored?  Shouldn't tall be considered sexy not frowned upon?  Then I got to thinking about all the times I have lied to the men in my life because I wanted to agree or make them happy.  AND THEN, I got to thinking of the lies all women I know tell to men and the social accepted lies that permeate our society and so the following are three lies women have told men (note that most of this is written in good humor so please take it in without offence).  Also, take note of the solutions posed at the  end of each point to avoid hearing these lies time and time again, and more so to avoid certain truths coming out in social circles where such matters should remain under wraps.

“I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you.” 
― Friedrich Nietzsche

1) "Size does not matter." Okay I am going to credit women for this origin, as I have seen how ruthless men can be to their comrades and so there is NO WAY a man came up with this one.  I imagine there was some man with a smaller than most package and his loving wife or girlfriend told him it did not matter out of love and BAM! this rumor spread like wildfire to all the men feeling ill equipped.  Sorry boys, from all the women I have ever know, and myself this is a lie.  Size does matter.  I have often spoken with Ms. K, Ms. M, Ms. A and the former Ms. J and they have both expressed extreme dissatisfaction in size.  I myself have actually not gone a second date with a certain man who will remain unnamed because when I reached down to see what he was packing it was not the handful I knew I would be satisfied with.  Here is my theory on this, men who know they have a good (no let's make that great) sized joy stick have more confidence in bed and thus in general will make (and do make) better lovers.  So perhaps it is not entirely based on size but in my personal experience and in every single woman I have come across and discussed this with we all agree size does matter.  Basically if you are wondering if women talk about your cock size the answer is absolutely we do, I once had a girlfriend make me a plado recreation of her lover's appendage, men have been compared to all kinds of objects from soup cans to pinky fingers.  Women talk about everything, so if you are a man and you have lived under the opinion that we have been talking about everything but that, than you have been living in your own lie.  Here is the trick to have your lady friend be kind in describing your package.  Be a selfless lover and treat her right, you can be packing the smallest of surprises in your boxers but if you treat your woman right she will never divulge the truth.  Women often hide the less desirable details of their lovers from others if they are treated right and truly care for them.  She will say it is a good size to her ladies even if the two of you know different.  So, if you are reading this thinking you are screwed because size does matter, I am telling you over compensate in other areas and your woman will be happy.  Sex is not all about your package after all.  However, if you are reading this and feeling ill equip and you have treated your women poorly, than you should know all her girlfriends know this, in fact I would say if you have been really cruel it goes beyond that circle to her friend's friends, and their boyfriends and possibly coworkers, and, hey, maybe even one day this blog, so play nice.


“Above all, don't lie to yourself. The man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie comes to a point that he cannot distinguish the truth within him, or around him, and so loses all respect for himself and for others. And having no respect he ceases to love.” 
― Fyodor Dostoyevsky, The Brothers Karamazov

2) "Oh I totally understand, this happens all the time to guys" If you guess erectile dysfunction than you move to the head of the class.  Can't get it up? Damn rights this offends the woman you are with. Unless you have had testicular cancer (which is the only time she will not be offended) than women will not believe this is a natural occurance.  Here is why, when you can't get it up and perform as she is naked and waiting here is what goes through her head "I'm not pretty enough, I'm not skinny enough, I'm not tight enough, I'm not good enough...etc" A million and one "I'm nots" go through her brain.  BECAUSE you are the man, you are the sex that is always turned on and ready rumble, so if you are not than it can not be your fault, it has to be hers.  NOW, I am going to tell you how to hop from awkward softness to claiming your love life back with this woman. Focus on her, that's right, tell her something like if you can just focus on her for a moment that might help things.  BUT! Do not try and have sex with her if you half get excited while you are focusing on her, this just leads to a series of clumsy attempts that leave you both feeling worse.  Because, by this age I know this phenomena really does affect men psychologically and their thoughts about it more often than not make this encounter a complete write off. SO,  JUST FOCUS ON HER.  Make her feel sexy and of course get her off and at the end of this session I guarantee she will only be feeling happy and content that you are not a selfish lover who only wants to please her when you can get off yourself.  And, when she recounts your tryst to he girlfriends your abilities will be praised not scoffed at.

“It is better to offer no excuse than a bad one.” 
― George Washington

3) "No that is totally fine" Bet you all guessed this one was coming didn't you?  Of course you did! (my smart little readers).  F= fucked up I = Insecure N = Neurotic E = Emotional Unstable = FINE.  When a woman says fine in this context she is NOT FINE.  For real, here is an example:
 Mr. X "Oh I can't make your family reunion because I have decided to stay at work to get overtime."
Me: "Oh that is fine work is important" IMPORTANT?!?! Seriously, important is a family reunion I spent a year planning, important is prioritizing your life because work does not clean and cook for you, work does not tell you how much it cares, work does not make you laugh after a hard day, work does not knit damn scarfs for all your female family members...does it?  No it does not.  When a woman says she is fine after you have done something incredible thoughtless she is not fine.  And, she is either stewing away slowly and will EXPLODE over something so trivial you will wonder what the downstairs screen door not closing properly is so enraging, or she will find someone to vent to, or perhaps she will change her stance and actually cause a fight with you.  Here is a way to avoid hearing the word fine, instead of saying what you can not do, say something amazing you can do.  For example suggest on your days off you take her to the spa, diner, beach, etc she has been talking about, suggest something that is awesome! Then once you hash out the details of your new amazing plan try easing into your cancellation.  Never take your woman for granted, because with 3.4 billion men in this world you can bet your ass that there is one out there who has already figured this out and will treat her like gold.

“A truth that's told with bad intent
Beats all the lies you can invent.” 
― William Blake, Auguries of Innocence

Honesty hour:
It is always right when you have met a really great man and that things are going well that you will be once again blind sided by Mr. SexyDistraction, and he will be just as sweet, and funny, and sexy and the only thing that you find yourself thankful for is that he lives 1600 kms away.  See I know Mr. TooGood (the psudonym I gave the gentlemen mentioned in the previous blog short for Mr. TooGoodToBeTrue)  is an awesome guy, he is patient, funny, smart, non-judgemental, etc. everything a woman wants, everything I want...but, then when Mr. SexyDistraction texts me why do I feel confusion?  Is it possible to go from feeling like there are no amazing men in this world to being with one and thinking about another? Why do these situations arise?  The only thing I do know, that we all know I am sure by now, is that you unfortunately can not have your cake and eat it too.  Someone always ends up without cake (a.k.a getting hurt) and one needs to decide is it time to jump on the relationship boat with Mr. TooGood as the captain (but scouring the sexy shore lines for Mr. SexyDistraction), or whether it is safer to stay on the shore flirting with the Mr. SexyDistraction (but always longing to be on that boat with the amazing Mr. TooGood).  Why is the grass always looking so damn green on that other side?  Why in situations words like no and that is a bad idea are so illusiive? But, I know that there is no grey area, there is no having it both ways so until next week this is my dilemma.  As always asking you to send your positive thoughts my way, perhaps they will knock the ridiculous ones out of this pretty little head.  Thanks for reading XO