Better understated than overstated. Let people be surprised that it was more than you promised and easier than you said.
Jim Rohn
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It is right when you have slid into comfortably numb with a side of complete disinterest in the opposite sex that someone will come along and rattle your ideas about what is and what should be. Don’t get me wrong in my long past of being torched by the flames of love only to be left with the painful scars and useless ashes I am not quick to forget that in the beginning all men are always incredible. However, that does not mean that all men are going to be disappointing. So I will share a little story here about last weekend and then dive into my topic for this week. I was really looking forward to dancing on Saturday but the show, Ms. January and I, were intending to attend up in Squamish was cancelled. We attended a BBQ and were disappointed about the lack of dancing planned for our future. LUCKILY! This all changed with one text. (Fast forward to the dancing location). We arrived at the music show and it was amazing! I danced the night away, literally the sun was rising as I headed home. But, before the day began a man dropped a case of water to the left of me and offered water to anyone who might be thirsty. I approached and he mentioned he was also selling beer. Perfect! I offered to buy one so we began to walk back to his truck. On our walk I noticed something miraculous about him, he was kind and generous to the many party goers that approached him, this attitude I observed all night. As he would quickly dart around the location helping with errands that needed to be done before spinning some music himself. When all was said and done the sun light enabled me to see his amazing blue eyes and dimples, so when he asked if he could kidnap me for the day I said “yep.” It turned out to be the best day date possible. We went to his place and he hopped the fence of this gated community that had a hot tub. As I sat in the cool morning air, sipping a drink and chatting in the hot tub I began to think feel my heart thaw a little and I began to think that maybe good hearted men were capable of treating women right. After our hot tub excursion we spent the day chatting and he fed me an amazingly delicious pasta dish he had made. I told him about my previous issues with dating he went in the house for a while as I sat enjoying the sunny yard. He then came out, he picked a beautiful flower and gave it to me and told me there was a surprise upstairs for me. I walked upstairs and there was a bubble bath, with a box of chocolates and bottle of wine. Seriously, I almost cried but then got over whelmed with happiness that I get to enjoy this luxury! And that someone actually thought of doing something for me so thoughtful! So I slid into the perfectly hot bath and soaked in relaxation, ate chocolate and sipped wine. I honestly think it is the nicest thing someone has ever done for me, and it was completely genuine as he did not even attempt to sneak in for a peak of my bathing body. This made me have a deep respect for him and also made me realize that his actions were not self motivated. Eventually we were both exhausted so we went to sleep and he did not make a move on me. Which sort of bothered me at first so I asked him about it and a few seconds later I was experiencing the most amazing kiss of my life. Chemistry is an incredible thing to find. If you find someone that just in a kiss you feel the passion of their entire soul, hold on to it. Oh yes I guess this would be a good time to give him a pseudonym, how about Mr. ...hmmm, I am having a problem finding the word to describe someone who is just naturally good willed, treats people right, and is nothing short of impressive...
Jim Rohn
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/surprised.html#lLYe53pdPejEgvz0.99
It is right when you have slid into comfortably numb with a side of complete disinterest in the opposite sex that someone will come along and rattle your ideas about what is and what should be. Don’t get me wrong in my long past of being torched by the flames of love only to be left with the painful scars and useless ashes I am not quick to forget that in the beginning all men are always incredible. However, that does not mean that all men are going to be disappointing. So I will share a little story here about last weekend and then dive into my topic for this week. I was really looking forward to dancing on Saturday but the show, Ms. January and I, were intending to attend up in Squamish was cancelled. We attended a BBQ and were disappointed about the lack of dancing planned for our future. LUCKILY! This all changed with one text. (Fast forward to the dancing location). We arrived at the music show and it was amazing! I danced the night away, literally the sun was rising as I headed home. But, before the day began a man dropped a case of water to the left of me and offered water to anyone who might be thirsty. I approached and he mentioned he was also selling beer. Perfect! I offered to buy one so we began to walk back to his truck. On our walk I noticed something miraculous about him, he was kind and generous to the many party goers that approached him, this attitude I observed all night. As he would quickly dart around the location helping with errands that needed to be done before spinning some music himself. When all was said and done the sun light enabled me to see his amazing blue eyes and dimples, so when he asked if he could kidnap me for the day I said “yep.” It turned out to be the best day date possible. We went to his place and he hopped the fence of this gated community that had a hot tub. As I sat in the cool morning air, sipping a drink and chatting in the hot tub I began to think feel my heart thaw a little and I began to think that maybe good hearted men were capable of treating women right. After our hot tub excursion we spent the day chatting and he fed me an amazingly delicious pasta dish he had made. I told him about my previous issues with dating he went in the house for a while as I sat enjoying the sunny yard. He then came out, he picked a beautiful flower and gave it to me and told me there was a surprise upstairs for me. I walked upstairs and there was a bubble bath, with a box of chocolates and bottle of wine. Seriously, I almost cried but then got over whelmed with happiness that I get to enjoy this luxury! And that someone actually thought of doing something for me so thoughtful! So I slid into the perfectly hot bath and soaked in relaxation, ate chocolate and sipped wine. I honestly think it is the nicest thing someone has ever done for me, and it was completely genuine as he did not even attempt to sneak in for a peak of my bathing body. This made me have a deep respect for him and also made me realize that his actions were not self motivated. Eventually we were both exhausted so we went to sleep and he did not make a move on me. Which sort of bothered me at first so I asked him about it and a few seconds later I was experiencing the most amazing kiss of my life. Chemistry is an incredible thing to find. If you find someone that just in a kiss you feel the passion of their entire soul, hold on to it. Oh yes I guess this would be a good time to give him a pseudonym, how about Mr. ...hmmm, I am having a problem finding the word to describe someone who is just naturally good willed, treats people right, and is nothing short of impressive...
Time changes everything except something within us which is always surprised by change.
Thomas Hardy
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Anyways, this week what is further interesting is that both Ms. January and the Fort Mac Girls are experiencing this as well! We four are all having these moment where we chat and they tell me something incredible about a date, or words exchanged and then I tell them something incredible and we are all a bit confused coming from such jaded pasts filled with men, who to put it nicely, are complete douches. This got me to thinking, is it possible these men are on the market at the ideal time because there is a cycle to break ups? Is it possible that there is a time frame that women lap (and men) after their break up that makes them the perfect partner for someone else? The following are three time concepts about dating post break ups and their success rates:
Thomas Hardy
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/surprised.html#KVpiwej3WFPmkhf9.99
Anyways, this week what is further interesting is that both Ms. January and the Fort Mac Girls are experiencing this as well! We four are all having these moment where we chat and they tell me something incredible about a date, or words exchanged and then I tell them something incredible and we are all a bit confused coming from such jaded pasts filled with men, who to put it nicely, are complete douches. This got me to thinking, is it possible these men are on the market at the ideal time because there is a cycle to break ups? Is it possible that there is a time frame that women lap (and men) after their break up that makes them the perfect partner for someone else? The following are three time concepts about dating post break ups and their success rates:
1) Baby,
you’re just a rebound fling. Now, this
is an interesting scenario, because the former Ms. J and I both have had pretty
similar dating patterns so I am going to share our experiences. Both Ms. J and I dated men for long periods
of time, then totally swore off men for a while then fell into ridiculous relationships
that lasted roughly 2 weeks to three months (clearly mine was Mr. Tattoo and hers we will call Baldilocks).
These short lived relationships were riddled with intense emotions, but
I believe that is the case because these were our rebound men. Yes, the rebound men are not just men that
you get a little action after a break up, I think after almost a year of being
single, the first person to actually really peak your interest and pursue you
can lead you to fall hard, fast and dangerously into what you try and claim is
love but is really just foolishness. Ms.
J did the same thing after breaking up with her Mr. X she fell for Baldilocks and so quickly they fell into this crazy little thing called love, or did they?
“Rebounds are rarely based on love but are really a way of alleviating
the loneliness people feel when a relationship ends. Even people who wanted
their previous relationship to end can fall for the rebound phenomenon.
Rebounding can feel like love for the simple reason that the people involved
want to be in love.”(1) I imagine these longings of love and the
potential of love are only further intensified the longer someone is alone. In this regard I am stoked! Because it really just means Mr. Tattoo (who I would like to rename Mr. BIGmistake) was
my rebound fling (which explains why it only took three days to get over him,
and why Ms. J can now look back at her fling with Baldilocks and laugh.
I also think this kind of foolery comes into play ONLY after you have
fooled yourself into thinking that you are definitely emotionally fulfilled enough
in your own life that you do not desire anyone in it. Which you are clearly not if in the span of only a few short weeks you are acting like you have been together for years, talking about marriage, and moving to different cities. Give your head a shake. Love grows over time, your life can be long and so you better make sure that you are with the one you want to be with, not the first person that made you feel loved since your ex made you feel like you were everything but loveable.
The nice part about being a pessimist is that you are constantly being either proven right or pleasantly surprised.
George Will
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2) Sexy stranger love! So this is exactly what I blogged about with Mr. Elevator, if you can remember him after all this time! There was an instant attraction, but the thing is when one of you likes to dance the night away in a crowd full of people while the other likes to stay in listening to historical recounts on tape alone it is CLEAR there is probably going to be a lot of bumps in the road. (The whole introvert with extrovert thing, will it ever work? that is a whole other blog topic!) But, of course instead of listening to the constant reminders screaming at you called red flags you get lost in your passion and think that it must be something special. Of course don't get me wrong chemistry and amazing sex are extremely hard to walk away from, of course they are. But, they are also not going to be the only two reasons you are with someone for the long term. "When we fall in lust we often think we’re in love for three reasons; the attraction is instantly intense and therefore feels pre-destined, you are essentially strangers meaning that your idea of who the person is resides almost entirely in the realm of fantasy and fantasies always seem perfect, and finally, you have yet to really see the other person for who they are because you are so caught up in a whirlwind of desire that you see only what you want to see. If love blinds then lust gouges out your eyes and renders you an irrational mess. "(2) Check Mate. So while your over active libido is leading you on a roller coaster that will derail it is hard to see it that way until you have completely ran away from the flames and extinguished yourself. Lust is not love, lust is love's deranged cousin that will light your soul on fire and set you up for major disappointment!
George Will
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2) Sexy stranger love! So this is exactly what I blogged about with Mr. Elevator, if you can remember him after all this time! There was an instant attraction, but the thing is when one of you likes to dance the night away in a crowd full of people while the other likes to stay in listening to historical recounts on tape alone it is CLEAR there is probably going to be a lot of bumps in the road. (The whole introvert with extrovert thing, will it ever work? that is a whole other blog topic!) But, of course instead of listening to the constant reminders screaming at you called red flags you get lost in your passion and think that it must be something special. Of course don't get me wrong chemistry and amazing sex are extremely hard to walk away from, of course they are. But, they are also not going to be the only two reasons you are with someone for the long term. "When we fall in lust we often think we’re in love for three reasons; the attraction is instantly intense and therefore feels pre-destined, you are essentially strangers meaning that your idea of who the person is resides almost entirely in the realm of fantasy and fantasies always seem perfect, and finally, you have yet to really see the other person for who they are because you are so caught up in a whirlwind of desire that you see only what you want to see. If love blinds then lust gouges out your eyes and renders you an irrational mess. "(2) Check Mate. So while your over active libido is leading you on a roller coaster that will derail it is hard to see it that way until you have completely ran away from the flames and extinguished yourself. Lust is not love, lust is love's deranged cousin that will light your soul on fire and set you up for major disappointment!
Expect the best, plan for the worst, and prepare to be surprised.
Denis Waitley
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3) He's the other man. Now this can be disputed if you want but in actually let's just be real. If you were with another man behind your man's back and then decided to switch it up you are soon going to learn that half of the appeal of this other man, was that he was exactly that, the other man. The secret hookups, the naughty manor of your relations, the taboo ways of your love are a huge part of why you think you love your affair. It is also you and he against your man, he is your sanctuary from someone (who is probably actually lovely) that you deem worth trashing to your lover which gives you a bond that is (while ubsurd) intense. But, as I unfortunately have learned and Ms. M is now learning this other man is often not what you want! See he is also probabl, in large part, an excuse to end your relationship, the coward's way out so at first you view him not only as an amazing sexual experience against the rules, but you also view him as a bit of knight in shinning armour (swoon). He has saved you from your treacherous relationship with someone you clearly should not be with and now the two of you will live happily ever after...ya right!! If even one bit of that last though made sense to you give yourself a slap! Come on now. And, while there are so many amazing examples of Hollywood Starlets that exemplify these classy love affairs, let's not forget. Stars are not real people! Unless you have so much money for pretending to be things you are not to the point where you don't really know what reality is anymore than don't compare these people to you. Also, lets not forget you cheated to make yourself feel better and then soon your new lover will upset you, and then what? Will you cheat on your new man with a new man? Will you just continue on an unhealthy circle of the same behaviour? Ridiculous. Another example that you should heed warning of is that once you are no longer the intriguing taken woman and you become old news will your lover still want you? I remember after I left Mr. NiceGuy for my lover he soon lost interest because things got too serious. Trust me it is not a good feeling to realize you lost a really great man who actually cared about you over some random fun fling that you really meant nothing too..
Denis Waitley
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3) He's the other man. Now this can be disputed if you want but in actually let's just be real. If you were with another man behind your man's back and then decided to switch it up you are soon going to learn that half of the appeal of this other man, was that he was exactly that, the other man. The secret hookups, the naughty manor of your relations, the taboo ways of your love are a huge part of why you think you love your affair. It is also you and he against your man, he is your sanctuary from someone (who is probably actually lovely) that you deem worth trashing to your lover which gives you a bond that is (while ubsurd) intense. But, as I unfortunately have learned and Ms. M is now learning this other man is often not what you want! See he is also probabl, in large part, an excuse to end your relationship, the coward's way out so at first you view him not only as an amazing sexual experience against the rules, but you also view him as a bit of knight in shinning armour (swoon). He has saved you from your treacherous relationship with someone you clearly should not be with and now the two of you will live happily ever after...ya right!! If even one bit of that last though made sense to you give yourself a slap! Come on now. And, while there are so many amazing examples of Hollywood Starlets that exemplify these classy love affairs, let's not forget. Stars are not real people! Unless you have so much money for pretending to be things you are not to the point where you don't really know what reality is anymore than don't compare these people to you. Also, lets not forget you cheated to make yourself feel better and then soon your new lover will upset you, and then what? Will you cheat on your new man with a new man? Will you just continue on an unhealthy circle of the same behaviour? Ridiculous. Another example that you should heed warning of is that once you are no longer the intriguing taken woman and you become old news will your lover still want you? I remember after I left Mr. NiceGuy for my lover he soon lost interest because things got too serious. Trust me it is not a good feeling to realize you lost a really great man who actually cared about you over some random fun fling that you really meant nothing too..
Lead the life that will make you kindly and friendly to everyone about you, and you will be surprised what a happy life you will lead.
Charles M. Schwab
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Charles M. Schwab
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Of course all people are different and so are all circumstances, but the above mentioned situations just seem to play out all the time around me and I just have to express that sometimes love is not even really in the picture at all. Find someone that is not a rebound, a one night stand, an object of lust, or your side dish is my suggestion. I feel incredibly lucky this week to meet someone that reminds me that there is goodness in men and others on a regular basis and that it may be possible for hearts to heal, with a little help. But, I am disappointed in myself because I expect the worst, after all this heart is made up of primarily scar tissue by this point in time. I feel regret that when he says a kind word I feel a rush of anxiety as await the negative feedback that I am so use to hearing after a compliment. And, when there is only kindness a wave of uneasiness rolls over me...BUT! after this I feel what I imagine most people feel instantly and that is happy and touched with gratitude. Who knows what the future holds but I do know that with more moments of kindness around me it is possible for me to let go of my negative impressions of what should be and have hope for the future. Thanks for reading! XO
References:
1) Hardcastle, Mike "Three Things That Only Feel Like Love" http://teenadvice.about.com/od/loveanddating/a/3thingslove_4.htm
2) Ibid.
All pictures pop up if you google men in bathtubs, you're welcome.
References:
1) Hardcastle, Mike "Three Things That Only Feel Like Love" http://teenadvice.about.com/od/loveanddating/a/3thingslove_4.htm
2) Ibid.
All pictures pop up if you google men in bathtubs, you're welcome.
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