"If he’s not calling you, it’s because you are not on his mind. If he creates expectations for you, and then doesn’t follow through on little things, he will do same for big things. Be aware of this and realize that he’s okay with disappointing you. Don’t be with someone who doesn’t do what they say they’re going to do. If he’s choosing not to make a simple effort that would put you at ease and bring harmony to a recurring fight, then he doesn’t respect your feelings and needs. “Busy” is another word for “asshole.” “Asshole” is another word for the guy you’re dating. You deserve a fucking phone call.”
So I am pretty sure the majority of men have discovered this little gem, but just in case, ignoring women drives us crazy. Unfortunately for you I do NOT mean crazy with passion or excitement, I mean quite literally insane. If you want to meet someone's lunachick I can not suggest a better way than to ignore her. Women hate lack of communication, and what better way to be lacking than full on not talking? And, while some women, the infamous Ms. M do not go lunachick in the manner of millions of desperate texts, they do go lunachick by going on a man fueled bender instead. All women have their way to deal with this form of rejection and we all talk and agree that when it comes to completely "losing it" being ignored is a main trigger. The follow are three reasons why women (including myself) HATE to be ignored:
“A man who wants to make a relationship work will move mountains to keep the
woman he loves”
― Greg Behrendt, He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys
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1) Women love to talk. Oh yes, most women are extremely communicative. If you have ever been near a woman you may have noticed this endearing quality. Women love to talk. It may possibly be "(b)ecause their brains may be built that way. So says a University of Maryland School of Medicine study published in the Journal of Neuroscience, which found that young girls have a greater abundance of a protein that’s associated with language development in mammals. And this might explain why men tend to be less talkative than women."(1) Yes physiology is a great way of looking at it. Or when I reflect on my own life I think when I needed to talk I talked to my mother and sister when I called home, not my dad, because dad are not made for the type of talking that goes on between "the women," so it is the way we are raised. Or perhaps we grow up in a society that teaches us that women should talk and are always talking so we take cues from that. Whatever the case women find their comfort in words. Which is both a pro and a con for men. On the pro side women put so much valor in vocabulary it makes it easy for men to say things easily like "I promise," "I love you," and "I'm sorry" without ever having to lift a finger to prove these things. It also is a con for men as I touched on in a previous blog women use 20,000 to 13,000 more words than men a day. This clearly indicates that women are highly more vocal and thus will expect their partners once and a while to express themselves. This puts pressure on men. This is clearly the con for men, thus being the rub. Women being so addicted to words, and expression seriously go mental when their male counterparts out of whatever reason decide the best plan of action is ignoring. This is actually the worst possible solution ever. You are ignoring a creature that expresses herself at 20,000 words faster than you a day. Trust me even using two words or just one word would be enough not to drive her insane.
“Here's something else to think about: calling when you say you're going to is the very first brick in the house you are building of love and trust. If he can't lay this one stupid brick down, you ain't never gonna have a house baby, and it's cold outside.”
― Greg Behrendt, He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys
― Greg Behrendt, He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys
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2) It really says "I don't give a F#@k!" The chances are you do really actually care about the person that you are ignoring but you just don't really want to deal with it (or perhaps you don't even know how). So your brilliant solution, which actually makes what could have been a two minute conversation into a three day battle of WTF is going on, is to ignore her until she goes away. Let me tell you how this makes the other person feel that you are doing this to. It makes her feel like she is not human. Human beings interact, hell even most animal species interact, ignoring others has serious emotional consequences. Ignoring is one of the main developmental factors of narcissism after all. By ignoring someone you are basically saying to them that you do not care about their existence, which can be a very harsh thing to take in, in particular if that someone is someone the day before you said you love to be with. By the way if you have ever dumped someone via changing your status on Facebook than you are an idiot and should not be dating in the first place. In fact, it may be debatable if you should even qualify for using Facebook, they perhaps should make this a prerequisite of having an account in some questionnaire form, but unfortunately Facebook does not care if you are a decent human being, anyone can join. Sad, that sometimes I feel like so many dating lives have this same sub standard? But, seriously, I get it you are all worked up, or you really have stopped caring about that person, or whatever your motivation is, but you should seriously think about how that action has made that person feel. Worthless, hurt, ashamed, embarrassed etc. a million negative emotions fill that person and if you are actually okay with making another person feel that way than you may be a psychopath, but at the very least you are a douche. But, what you should really know is that while you may not give a F@#k the person who is trying so desperately to figure you out, what went wrong, correct things does. In fact, they care A LOT about you, your well being, and all they want is a chance to understand, which is what they think talking will do. So while you feel a great sense of pride in being the insensitive one, know that all you are coming off as to everyone involved as a really indecent individual.
“Busy' is another word for 'asshole'. 'Asshole' is another word for the guy you're dating.”
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3) You are doing this as part of a game. You do really care but you want them to squirm. "Keep them on their toes" as one former douche told me. If this is your motivation you are not a nice person first of all, the fact that your actions are completely self motivated, in fact, they are motivated to cause unpleasant feelings in someone else indicates this. Further more if you somehow think that this kind of game resolves anything besides feeding your ego, as your lover desperately searches for a solution and you let them squirm, you are possibly a egomaniac or even quiet possible a narcissist (or...psychopath). I am not sure how this game begins but I have seen it many times, and yes, once and a while it is my girlfriends intentionally doing it to their men. (I have done this in one relationship before and I will tell you it was not so much a game, but that I knew he would still be texting me in the morning so I just turned off my phone because at that moment I just did not care to talk to him. The truth is out! Thanks Karma for years of proving to me this is a dick move). People use the silent treatment in their little messed up games because they believe in the end it wield them what they want. And I would say from what I have witnessed 9 out of 10 times it does. The 1 out of 10 times the girl gives up and gives it back and this is when the game ends, but don't worry! There are million more games that come out because if you are truly someone who feeds this type of ignoring to prove a point philosophy you are clearly very mature and probably love to play games. (FYI only the latter part of that sentence is true because you are actually extremely emotionally immature if you rely on games to torture the one your with). Here is the thing, if you truly love and care about someone you do not think of ways to "keep them on their toes," no when you truly care about another human being you think of ways to keep them smiling. You think of things that make them happy and you think of ways to show you care. You do not think of ways to shake their confidence and make them cry, if you do this to the person you love you should seriously ask yourself 1) why do you do that? 2) Why are you with that person if that is how you want to treat them? Also, ignoring to prove a point and then chatting someone up is a totally mind fuck, one minute that woman is getting over you and wounded and the next she is all shades of confused. Think before you act.
“Don’t spend your time on and give your heart to any guy who makes you wonder about anything
related to his feelings for you”
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It is too often enough (and a billion times more irritating!) that I watch my male counter parts use silence as a weapon against the opposite gender. I have blogged about this before. "The truth will set you free" is actually the most legitimate statement. The truth is all these men I hear complaining as of late about crazy women texting them, blah, blah, blah need to face this fact. These women are not just emotionally unstable Jezebels waiting to go out of their minds and text, call and act crazy. No. Something motivated these actions and I am guessing it is at one point said man had feelings for said lunachick. He pursued her with hot intentions and I am sure he meant all he said about her beauty and amazing things, but then one day all that changed and he lost interest. AND! Instead of being the man that we could all respect and admire (insert audience sound "Awe" here please) he decided to just stop texting, or to vague text, or to change his relationship status on Facebook...or whateverthefuckitdoesn'tmatter! Instead of the smallest gesture, telling her face to face or even over the phone, hell even skype works. I swear to you if you take your non-love interest out for dinner and fill her with positive things about her but stand your ground and say that you are not into it 9 out of 10 women will walk away not only less upset but they will respect you. I am not going to lie there are a 1 percent of women that ruin it for us that are perhaps possessed by Satan. Also, if you are going to tell a girl you cheated on her I strongly suggest the phone, the phone can be thrown around without any physical injury to either party. You are welcome. But, seriously guys can we just grow up and realize that confrontation is part of life. If you want to date women than accept that rejecting women kindly is part of it. And, frankly if you are not man enough to deal with this part of it, than don't date. You are not doing anyone a favor with your presence on the dating scene.
“I’m about to make a wild, extreme, and severe relationship rule: THE WORD "BUSY" IS A LOAD OF CRAP AND IS MOST OFTEN USED BY ASSHOLES. The word “busy” is the relationship Weapon of Mass Destruction. Remember: Men are never too busy to get what they want.”
― Greg Behrendt, He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys
Personally it is right around the time that I truly decided to quit jerking around and give Mr. TooGood a serious chance and not be distracted that Mr. SexyDistraction stopped talking to me. (Which in case you did not get is my biggest pet peeve). Time has a way of showing us true colors and the best choice, doesn't she?) Until next week! XO
References:
Michael Fry "Why Do Girls Talk So Much" News Watch
All pictures from google
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