It's JUST sex...or is it???

"Let's talk about sex baby, 
Let's talk about you and me, 
Let's talk about all the bad things
And the good things that could be, 
Let's talk about sex." 
-Salt'n Pepper

So here I am hearing from one of my fantastic female friends the following line from a man who she had a roll in the hay with earlier this month.  "I am not looking for a girlfriend, I just want sex."  It is incredible to me that we live in a day in age where such words are considered considerate.  Yes, there are opportune times when said arrangements may seem ideal! But, in the long run of things these agreements never last.  Why? EMOTIONS! That is right, we all have them and sooner or later in the world of the friends with benefits feelings start to creep up.  Gradually of course.  One day you are fine and happy with your friends with benefits package and the next you are waking up with an unsettled feeling about them.  That small feeling suggesting you ask them to brunch, or your maybe even your sister's wedding.  BUT! The politics of this arrangement shall be left for another blog day.  Today's blog is going to be about three honest reasons men ask women to put out or get out.  Literally, the dynamics that drive men to believe that women should sell themselves short as a booty call and nothing more and why quite frankly women should be offended by this demotion.  The truth is if he doesn't want to tell people you two are getting down, he doesn't deserve to see you naked.

"It's not who you want to spend your Friday night with.
It is who you spend all day Saturday with." 
-Friends with Benefits

1) He does not want a relationship WITH YOU.  So sorry gals! But, if a guy actually says "I don't want a relationship" guess what?? He does not want a relationship with you.  The sad reality is a week from now he might start dating someone, this is the truth.  It is unfortunate that men can not be honest and say "It's you,  I actually don't like you enough to date you." (OUCH, I know hard to hear) but at least it is the truth! But, here is what the vague statement of "I don't want a relationship.." tells the woman you have opted to try and have sex with on the regular with no commitment.  "OH! He does not want a relationship at this moment...BUT.....maybe one day, or maybe once he gets to know me, or maybe when he realizes I won't hurt him...or...." NO! Stop this kind of thinking right now.  It is not that he does not want a relationship, it is actually that he just does not want to be in one with you.  I know this rejection is incredibly hard to hear. I have endured the denial of this situation multiple times.  From the beginning the man says "I don't want a relationship" and instead of hearing what he is saying I think "Not yet anyways!" and yet months down the line you are still just a booty call that is void of any title and feeling pretty shabby about selling yourself short.  Men, unlike women, are not cryptic in this situation.  When they say they don't want a relationship.  Guess what?  They don't want one with you.  They are not waiting to be wooed into couplehood like their female counter parts, no.  They mean what they say, but of course they would never be honest enough to say "...with you" after "I don't want a relationship." After all that might lead to unwanted confrontation and open communication!

"Friends with benefits means in the end someone will catch feelings." 
-Unknown

2) Free sex! Yes men love sex (who doesn't!) AND! if they can get it with no strings attached the better.  No more wining and dining, no more effort, no more nothing.  Just sex.  What a relief! YA RIGHT! If a man is not willing to give it all for you than show him the door.  Here is the thing, you ARE WORTH IT! You are worth a man who realizes that bedding you will take more than just saying "Hey wanna F#*k?" I am not talking monetary spending here either, I am talking about a guy will listen to you, take you for a walk, etc, show that he actually cares.  My same friend that inspired this topic told me "Don't men get that sex gets better when you actually care for someone?"  YES, they do.  Most men I know have said this.  But, men that suggest to you that you are just good for a shag are not men who care about this.  In fact men like this think it would be ideal if they could find a regular f*$k buddy to do them when they want and then live their single life as if that person does not exist.  What a flattering offer?  NOT! Don't sell yourself short to this (F.Y.I I am aware that there are some women who treat men like this, this advice goes both ways).  Men ask these degrading questions of women because we subject ourselves to these kinds of requests.  We say yes to the no strings attached, while all the while plotting all our strings (because we have feelings already brewing and think that if we continue the free sex relationship something more will come....sorry again gals, nothing more is coming).  Here is the thing, unless you just want to be f#*ked and nothing else than walk away from this man, this situation and this offer.  Trust me, he is trying NOT to buy the cow and still get the milk for free and unless that is all you want for SURE don't give away your milk! SPECIAL NOTE HERE: If a guy is feeding you lines about not being ready to be hurt again, or what not about his past, WALK AWAY.  First of all he has massive, massive baggage if this is even true.  Second of all, if he is not ready to care for someone than he should have not a) led you on and b) slept with you.  Do not settle for men who try and hide behind their lame excuses we have all been hurt, we have all been scared and we all deserve a chance to feel love, don't sell yourself short because you empathize with his heart ache.

"Power is being told you are not loved, 
And, not being destroyed by it." 
-Madonna

3) It is not cheating if you don't commit.  Sorry ladies but the other reason he may only want to bed you when the urge comes over him is that he has other women in said bed when you are not around.  The thing is as long as he has the green light to NoCommitmentTown from you than he can slide between the sheets however he wants and with whoever he wants on the regular.  Why?  Because sadly you have no say as a booty call.  In fact, you probably have no say as a girlfriend either, if someone wants to cheat they will find a way.  So the longer you put out with no idea of what you are and what he is up to the longer you could say you are getting played my dear.  I know this because I have been both on the receiving and the delivering end of this kind of treatment.  And, keeping your options open is not always a bad thing, in fact, I have to say that knowing what is out there is the spice of life. However, lying about it just leaves a bad after taste to said spice.  Basically if you want your booty call agreement to be the most successful than you have to set up your boundaries and respect his.  But, really we both know that you are worth the title of so much more than a cheap booty call.  Demand more from your lovers, and here is the thing if they are not willing to test drive the relationship car with you, than they surely are not worth a second more of your time.  Know your worth, stand up for your value and, always, always, be honest about what you want. It is your life.

"A guy and a girl can be just friends, 
But, at one point or another, they will fall for each other.
Maybe temporarily, maybe at the wrong time, maybe too late, or maybe forever." 
-Tumblir

Personally it came down to the wire.  There I was in a relationship with someone I barely know and I felt myself unhappily begin to nit pick away.  Which I hate, but I do because misery loves company.  Mr. TooGood asked if I even wanted to be in a relationship.  To which I answered "I don't know" but the truth of the matter is, I do know and the answer is no.  Or perhaps the honest answer is not with Mr. TooGood.  I can not feel bad about this situation because feelings are what they are.  There is no forcing the desire to be with someone it either comes naturally or it does not.  For a moment there the desire was there full on, for a moment it was all I wanted.  However, that moment does not justify staying in an unahppy union.  No it does not.  I encourage all of us to be honest with yourself and with your partners and ex partners, because forcing yourself into a situation that you do not want will never make you happy.  And yet you try so hard to fit into the concept of loving someone for so many reasons, but when the love is gone there is just bitterness.  The truth is the honey moon period should be blissful and full of happiness, not full of fights and day dreams of your single days.  BUT....it is right when you get what you think you wanted that your old grass looks greener.....so stay tuned next week where I am sure my mind will have done a complete 180.  Hey, at least I am honest! Thanks for reading XOXO

Fruit Flies! Why Straight Women Love Gay Men

“But I do have conversations about the Patriarchy and I am having them with gay men. At eighteen, I am discovering what generations of women have long known. The natural ally of the straight woman is the gay man because they are others losers too.” 
― Caitlin Moran, How to Be a Woman

Ah yes the ever present fruit fly sensation.  Why straight women seem to flock to gay men and are thus given this title is evident time and time again.  From popular TV series to reality the fabulous gay man takes the stage as the best friend of the straight woman.  And, WHY NOT?  The following are three fantastic reasons gay men finish first when it comes to their straight female counter parts:

“I cannot hate gay men, I cannot hate homosexuality. At the lowest points in my life, when all else abandoned me, my gay men friends were my sisters, aunts, mothers who lifted me up on their shoulders and reminded me that there is light at the end of the tunnel. If I were to hate gay men, or to condemn them just because they're gay, I would be a hypocrite. I simply cannot turn my back on arms that held me in my darkest hours.” 
― C. JoyBell C.

1) Gay men make you feel fabulous! " Studies show that gay men shower straight women with a sort of attention that straight men simply don't offer them. For instance, straight women feel that gay men accept and admire them for their inner beauty, not their outer appearance. Subsequently, women with more gay friends feel sexier and more self-confident about their bodies by comparison to women who don't have gay friends. Similarly, gay men make straight women feel more appreciated for their personality than do straight men. Perhaps unsurprisingly, women say their friendships with gay people are more honest and secure than those with straight individuals, male or female."(1) My gay male friends are always very complimentary.  And, there compliments are genuine, and when they do critique me it is in a manner that is not hurtful and typically leaves me laughing.  They speak their minds and appreciate women and men alike.  They also get their "hate on" and empathize with my stories which makes me feel like they truly care about what I am saying and feeling.  I don't really need to talk about the straight male stereotypes and their constant actions in the opposite direction of this, feelings what are those? 



“I was determined that in fiction anyway two men should fall in love and remain in it for the ever and ever that fiction allows.” 
― E.M. Forster

2) Sex? No thanks! There is no pressure to put out, or confusion over whether or not your gay friend is only your friend because he wants a piece.  Because, thank goodness! he is gay! And, on the women to women side, straight women are VERY DIFFICULT to be friends with.  Women are catty little bitches so often to one another and it is sad.  I have finally weeded out the drama fueled women in my life and have filled it with beautiful kind hearted honest women (and it ONLY TOOK 31 years).  But back to the topic at hand: "Relationships between straights and straights and gays and gays are notoriously fraught with difficulty. Often, friends become lovers. They also become former friends. Just like the movies, research shows that straight men can easily fall for their female friends. And although they provide the valuable “male perspective,” straight men do have a tendency to misinterpret women's general friendliness as having more sexual intent than it typically does. Straight women's friendships with each other can get sticky, too. It's no secret that ladies can be pretty catty, especially when it comes to competing for male attention. Though women mutually provide companionship and emotional support, they can also play dirty. Science backs this up. One study, for example, found that women will make derogatory comments about their rivals in mating, and will resort to manipulation to gain an advantage." (2) Therefore the gay man comes to the rescue as the friend a woman can trust more than her own gender (of course I know that there is drama among gay men to gay men friendships that I have heard extensively about, but this blog is intended to write about first hand knowledge and thus avoiding getting into that scenario).

“Poor boys are easier than middle-class or rich ones. Boys who've been busted are easier than boys who have not. Southern boys are easier than Northern boys. Marines are easier than Masturbation.” 
― John Valentine, Puppies

3) Competition  Honey I don't think so! So perhaps the main reason that women and women often end up being catty or rude or whatever is that they do to one another is because they feel they are in competition with one another.  .  However, gay and straight women are not competing for the same man, unless said man is bi in which case there is the possibility, but more commonly not. "Since they aren't competing for the same men and they aren't attracted to each other, they have the space to develop a deeper level of honesty and trust between them. This might be especially true when it comes to feedback about romantic affairs."(3) Unfortunately there is very minimal literature on this phenomena and often this friendship can be put on display in a less than flattering light.  Until recently the word "fag hag" was used, "fruit flies" is far more endearing but still suggests a bit of a nuisance   There is a slight feeling being a straight woman attempting to blend into the gaybourhoud that I don't belong because I am not gay. But, given the payoffs of this kind of friendship the awkward moments are worth the beautiful friendship that flourishes. 

Carrie: It's all total bull s**t. What is wrong with cigarettes?

Stanford: Nothing, they're fabulous!

So there you have it.  This straight woman's perspective on this awesome phenomena of the bonding techniques behind a friendship that is not always understood but is something that is obviously special. 

References: 

Why Straight Women and Gay Men Make the Best of Friends

The Science of Will and Grace

Published on February 10, 2013 by Vinita Mehta, Ph.D., Ed.M. in Head Games

Is Ignorance Bliss? When it comes to cheaters.

“Cheating and lying aren't struggles, they're reasons to break up.” 
― Patti Callahan Henry, Between The Tides

Given my long history of unfaithful men I have often pondered if I am happier now knowing all I know and being in the state I am in, or, if I would have been happier to be ignorant to the other women and still be with my cheating partners.  I, of course, have no idea how happy I would be on the flip side of my equation because I only know this reality.   This question I further wondered about as I thought about all my lovely ladies (and men) who have been cheated on, and whether or not they chose to stay or leave their partner.  I guess I find myself seriously questioning the probability that your lover does not figure it out when your messing around.  Being an intelligent (or perhaps just intuitive) woman myself I have found out on my own (except once) about all the infidelity in my life.  In fact, I have always got sort of this odd feeling from the men in my life when they have strayed.  Their behavior changes just slightly and when I look into, BAM, there it is an email, a Facebook update, a love note, a whatever it is, is right there plain as day, just screaming "PLEASE CATCH ME!" and so I do.   But, with every instance of exposure to this deceit I find myself wondering that infamous question "Should I stay or should I go now?"  So, I thought about the women that know about the infidelity in their love lives and stay.  Because, it feels so good to cling to the lies of the cheating man than actually hear that he is stepping out on you, doesn't it?  Thus the following are three reasons why I believe that people can not stay together in relationships that are riddled with infidelity (or even those which are just touched lightly by the cheating fairy):

“The truly scary thing about undiscovered lies is that they have a greater capacity to diminish us than exposed ones. They erode our strength, our self-esteem, our very foundation.” 
― Cheryl Hughes

1)TRUST! "Hello Captain Obvious!"  (This is just a given).  I have seen women stay with their men who have cheated on them and they are constantly saying "Do you think he is cheating on me?"
 To which I say "Of course he is cheating on you, but you chose to stay with him"
Which oddly enough somehow develops into a conversation in which they say all the lies they want to believe so badly and me in return rebutting them and just saying "No, he is cheating on you and you are not going to win me over." True story.  So what kind of relationship can these two people have if one is constantly panicked into believing that infidelity is around every corner and she/he constantly checks their social media and cell phone and assaults them with accusations regularly.  While the other knows he/she can do whatever they want with whoever they want whenever they want as long as they deny, deny, deny...in fact the flow of lies begins to feel like a second nature to them. I see it with my own eyes more often than I care to, it is the definition of dysfunctional. But, there is something, that is also so toxic about it too.  The claim of love, they say that is what keeps them together.  Because let's face it, the cheating partner has struck gold! He/she can cheat and do whatever they want and still have the couple life, he/she has ultimate control of all aspects of thier romantic life.  Incredible.  (Of course there are women out there that are the same way, do not get me wrong, the roads to infidelity are equally paved by both men and women.) The ego maniacal partner is too selfish to let the other go because he quiet possibly fancies her, but more likely he just likes to be in control of her and couldn't care less if she was around or not, but he/she is selfish and the THOUGHT of someone else having the cake he has and eating it too does bother him/her enough to keep all lovers at bay.  I know this mentality because I have been both the cheater keeping lovers on ice and the  person on the receiving end.  See some men are amazing and the thought of someone else getting their treatment makes the ego maniac upset, but not upset enough to give up on the juggling act of cheating.  So I am not pulling any wool over your eyes when it comes to the reality of what cheaters are thinking. People that cheat are selfish. So instead of being an insecure mess, or a selfish jerk let's just let each other go.  Realize that what you are doing to each other is enabling a distrustful situation that is never going to go anywhere good. You, the selfish jerk, realize you are never going to give your partner what they need to be happy. Realize that they deserve more than you can be and walk away (yes I realize this makes you the partner that has cheated and then also broken up with that person, but at least then you are doing the right thing rather than being the constant cheater).   OR, if you are the insecure partner staying with said cheater, I know, it feels like your world is ending, you have a million fears about being alone and being single and being without but just let go. You are going to be fine, in fact, you are actually grabbing hold of a brand new world, and this healthy world built on trust is about to blow your mind!

“What irritated me most in that entire situation was the fact that I
wasn’t feeling humiliated, or annoyed, or even fooled. Betrayal was
what I felt, my heart broken not just by a guy I was in love with, but also by, as I once believed, a true friend.” 
― Danka V., The Unchosen Life

2) Shaken not stirred! What am I talking about here?  Blending of course! So perhaps you have been with your partner for ten years and then find that she is banging your best friend for last year.  OUCH, sorry buds.  But, you decide if no one else knows... (FYI people know, people totally know, all her friends and in this case all of yours) than you can just sweep it under the rug, cross your fingers no one finds out and carry on blending in! Blending in with your nice house, and all your other couple friends doing coupley things,  and your alternating Christmases at each others homes, and your new shiny car, and your bowling league, etc. and all the little perfect things that make up your little perfect life.  (Here is where I would like to give a HUGE SHOUT OUT to those of us who have never hidden behind excuses and done what is right and left.  You are the strongest, you are the most brave, your life, if it isn't already, a million times better one day soon will be, I promise.) But! one must keep those perfect little appearances up mustn't they! No one can know that some how your perfect little family that you send out every year on your oh so picture perfect Seasons Greetings card is anything but what it appears.  Sickening.  I have been this person too.  And, let me tell you something and then you can take a deep breath and process it because it always really helps me when I am over whelmed.  Everyone is F#2ked up.  Yes, that is right.  Every single person breathing oxygen right now has issues.  Hello, even Martha Stewart went to jail and her daughter wrote a terrible biography about her childhood, that is right, EVEN MARTHA STEWART IS NOT PERFECT (sorry Martha you are my gal and I love your recipes but the truth is the truth).  You are not perfect, I am not perfect, NONE OF US ARE PERFECT and you know what?  That is completely okay.  Because, life is not about the perfect moment, or the perfect gift, or the perfect photo, or the perfect whatever.  Life is about being perfectly imperfect like the rest of us.  Life is not ever going to be perfect but it will always be incredible! And, it is always going to be a challenge.  Even Housewives of Lalaland have problems.  So if fitting in is what is keeping you with your cheating partner than you should ask yourself who you are trying to fit in with? Because, the truth is the people you are trying to impress are just (or even more) messed up than you will ever be. The reality of the situation is that "About 70 percent of married men admitted to cheating on their wives! Another study found that 2/3 of women are not aware of their husband's affair...What about the women? Most statistics found that about 50 to 60 percent of women admitted to having an affair...(but)...About 17 percent of divorces are caused by infidelity."(1)  So what the neighbors will may actually think when your perfect home splits into two is that you had more courage than they do because they are in the same situation.  Be brave.

"Earthquakes just happen. Tornadoes just happen. Your tongue does not just happen to fall into some other girls mouth!” 
― Gemma Halliday, Deadly Cool

3) No Big Deal.  Everyone cheats.  Okay, I have definitely rocked this attitude many a times.  Guilty as charged.  But, let me tell you.  NOT EVERYONE CHEATS.  Brave men do not.   There is a large population of men who actually never cheat (who I have sadly rarely had the pleasure of dating...) It is atrocious that there is this social acceptance that all men are horned up dogs that can't keep it in their pants for one woman.  What a load of shit.  Men are not uncontrollable freaks that need to stick it into anything that walks (with the exception of some men of course, but these men are idiots and are actually capable of restraining themselves they just CHOOSE not too).  But, there is such a strong social stigma around the faithful man.  It is like "EW! He's faithful, which means he is super lame and missing out on so much pussy and good times, and whatever..." Let me tell you, the faithful man is actually AMAZING!! He has realized what life is about and about himself.  He has realized life is not about swimming in a sea of random hook ups, no.  It is actually about finding someone amazing to share whatever your dream life is and making it a reality.  He is confident enough to know what he wants and does  not need to search for the definition of his manhood between the sheets of random homes.  More importantly, while yes sex is a lot of fun, one day the men that think infidelity is the best will be older, and balder/or grey, typically fatter, and alone and they will realize they actually let some pretty amazing women slip through their finger tips for series of meaningless events.  Women who truly cared for them and would have given them the world.  This realization I have heard about from both older men and young. (So perhaps it is just intelligent men who sort this out when they are young).  But, there will come a time in life when men who are not faithful, who have lost their amazing soul mate will think "I am actually the looser" and you know what?  They are right.  And, all the men who think infidelity is awesome, the majority of women think you are a creep.  They do not think your prowess and inability to confine your cock is sexy, in fact, they think the opposite about you.  So, while you think you are the king of cool I am here to tell you that women all around the world are looking at the faithful good man and believe that he is not only the king of cool, but the best man out of all men because he truly gets what life is about.   Life is not about how many pairs of legs you spread but it is actually about opening someone's heart and letting someone open yours and so a BIG PROPS! To the men in this world who have found that incredible someone that makes them realize this and that makes their life better each day.  I am here to say that there is no "EW" to you, there is only mad respect and a hope that one day that men who are dogs will be the stigma and you will be praised.

"Fuck You for cheating on me. Fuck you for reducing it to the word cheating. As if this were a card game, and you sneaked a look at my hand. Who came up with the term cheating, anyway? A cheater, I imagine. Someone who thought liar was too harsh. Someone who thought devastator was too emotional. The same person who thought, oops, he’d gotten caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Fuck you. This isn’t about slipping yourself an extra twenty dollars of Monopoly money. These are our lives. You went and broke our lives. You are so much worse than a cheater. You killed something. And you killed it when its back was turned.” 
― David Levithan, The Lover's Dictionary

So here we are back on the topic of cheating again, it is my honest opinion that ignorance is NOT bliss.  In fact when you are ignorant and find out I would say that it totally rips your soul out, more so than just being cheated on.  You truly feel like a fool.  Also, if everyone around you knows, you also feel incredibly hurt by everyone knowing and deceiving you.  Anyways, basically if you want to sleep around don't be with anyone.  And, if you want to be with someone than don't sleep around.  No, you can not have your cake and eat it too.  Unless you have somehow found like a magic unicorn (a woman who likes to have threesomes) that agrees to some kind of polygamous relationship with you.  In which case you have struck gold, but let's face it unicorns like this only exist in fables and Penthouse.  Find a good woman/man, treat her/him right, look at yourself in the mirror in the morning and like what you see.  Treat people with dignity.  Because at the end of the day your the person who should like yourself and hopefully other people do to.

Personally I guess I am struggling with the boundaries of cheating.  Is it cheating to flirt, text, lead men on while dating someone?  Is cheating defined by physical interaction? Or is cheating also the words, the intention and thoughts behind it all?  Mr. TooGood is an amazing person but why is it that I am just not able to curve my appetite for the opposite sex?  When I am out and about and a man shows me attention I bat my eyes and let them spread it on thick.  Male attention is so alluring, so tempting, so flattering....so a million things that a taken woman should not be welcoming into her love life.  Or should she?  Are these actions part of a bigger problem?  Are these actions a cry for a way out?  I guess I feel like I have not done anything wrong because my actions have so far have just been teasing disaster and not jumping in by actually going on dates or fooling around...but then again perhaps I am just avoiding the inevitable...what is that old saying "Once a cheat always a cheat?" As I said I have been on both sides of the equation.  Thanks for reading! XO

References:
All pictures are from the fabulous world of google search.

1) "Cheating Statistics: Do Men Cheat More Than Women?" By Lisa Penn, Yourtango.com, June 07, 2012

(http://magazine.foxnews.com/love/cheating-statistics-do-men-cheat-more-women#ixzz2eVdHsSrO)

Ignore the girls and drive them wild!

"If he’s not calling you, it’s because you are not on his mind. If he creates expectations for you, and then doesn’t follow through on little things, he will do same for big things. Be aware of this and realize that he’s okay with disappointing you. Don’t be with someone who doesn’t do what they say they’re going to do. If he’s choosing not to make a simple effort that would put you at ease and bring harmony to a recurring fight, then he doesn’t respect your feelings and needs. “Busy” is another word for “asshole.” “Asshole” is another word for the guy you’re dating. You deserve a fucking phone call.” 

― Greg Behrendt

So I am pretty sure the majority of men have discovered this little gem, but just in case, ignoring women drives us crazy.  Unfortunately for you I do NOT mean crazy with passion or excitement, I mean quite literally insane.  If you want to meet someone's lunachick I can not suggest a better way than to ignore her.  Women hate lack of communication, and what better way to be lacking than full on not talking?  And, while some women, the infamous Ms. M do not go lunachick in the manner of millions of desperate texts, they do go lunachick by going on a man fueled bender instead.  All women have their way to deal with this form of rejection and we all talk and agree that when it comes to completely "losing it" being ignored is a main trigger.  The follow are three reasons why women (including myself) HATE to be ignored:

“A man who wants to make a relationship work will move mountains to keep the
woman he loves” 
― Greg Behrendt, He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys

1) Women love to talk.  Oh yes, most women are extremely communicative.  If you have ever been near a woman you may have noticed this endearing quality.  Women love to talk.  It may possibly be "(b)ecause their brains may be built that way. So says a University of Maryland School of Medicine study published in the Journal of Neuroscience, which found that young girls have a greater abundance of a protein that’s associated with language development in mammals. And this might explain why men tend to be less talkative than women."(1) Yes physiology is a great way of looking at it. Or when I reflect on my own life I think when I needed to talk I talked to my mother and sister when I called home, not my dad, because dad are not made for the type of talking that goes on between "the women," so it is the way we are raised. Or perhaps we grow up in a society that teaches us that women should talk and are always talking so we take cues from that.  Whatever the case women find their comfort in words.  Which is both a pro and a con for men.  On the pro side women put so much valor in vocabulary it makes it easy for men to say things easily like "I promise," "I love you," and "I'm sorry" without ever having to lift a finger to prove these things.  It also is a con for men as I touched on in a previous blog women use 20,000 to 13,000 more words than men a day.  This clearly indicates that women are highly more vocal and thus will expect their partners once and a while to express themselves.  This puts pressure on men.  This is clearly the con for men, thus being the rub.  Women being so addicted to words, and expression seriously go mental when their male counterparts out of whatever reason decide the best plan of action is ignoring.  This is actually the worst possible solution ever.  You are ignoring a creature that expresses herself at 20,000 words faster than you a day.  Trust me even using two words or just one word would be enough not to drive her insane. 

“Here's something else to think about: calling when you say you're going to is the very first brick in the house you are building of love and trust. If he can't lay this one stupid brick down, you ain't never gonna have a house baby, and it's cold outside.” 
― Greg Behrendt, He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys

2) It really says "I don't give a F#@k!" The chances are you do really actually care about the person that you are ignoring but you just don't really want to deal with it (or perhaps you don't even know how).  So your brilliant solution, which actually makes what could have been a two minute conversation into a three day battle of WTF is going on, is to ignore her until she goes away.  Let me tell you how this makes the other person feel that you are doing this to.  It makes her feel like she is not human.  Human beings interact, hell even most animal species interact, ignoring others has serious emotional consequences.  Ignoring is one of the main developmental factors of narcissism after all. By ignoring someone you are basically saying to them that you do not care about their existence, which can be a very harsh thing to take in, in particular if that someone is someone the day before you said you love to be with.  By the way if you have ever dumped someone via changing your status on Facebook than you are an idiot and should not be dating in the first place.  In fact, it may be debatable if you should even qualify for using Facebook, they perhaps should make this a prerequisite of having an account in some questionnaire form, but unfortunately Facebook does not care if you are a decent human being, anyone can join.  Sad, that sometimes I feel like so many dating lives have this same sub standard?  But, seriously, I get it you are all worked up, or you really have stopped caring about that person, or whatever your motivation is, but you should seriously think about how that action has made that person feel.  Worthless, hurt, ashamed, embarrassed  etc.  a million negative emotions fill that person and if you are actually okay with making another person feel that way than you may be a psychopath, but at the very least you are a douche. But, what you should really know is that while you may not give a F@#k the person who is trying so desperately to figure you out, what went wrong, correct things does.  In fact, they care  A LOT about you, your well being, and all they want is a chance to understand, which is what they think talking will do.  So while you feel a great sense of pride in being the insensitive one, know that all you are coming off as to everyone involved as a really indecent individual. 

“Busy' is another word for 'asshole'. 'Asshole' is another word for the guy you're dating.” 

― Greg Behrendt, He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys

3) You are doing this as part of a game.  You do really care but you want them to squirm.  "Keep them on their toes" as one former douche told me.  If this is your motivation you are not a nice person first of all, the fact that your actions are completely self motivated, in fact, they are motivated to cause unpleasant feelings in someone else indicates this.  Further more if you somehow think that this kind of game resolves anything besides feeding your ego, as your lover desperately searches for a solution and you let them squirm, you are possibly a egomaniac or even quiet possible a narcissist (or...psychopath).  I am not sure how this game begins but I have seen it many times, and yes, once and a while it is my girlfriends intentionally doing it to their men.  (I have done this in one relationship before and I will tell you it was not so much a game, but that I knew he would still be texting me in the morning so I just turned off my phone because at that moment I just did not care to talk to him.  The truth is out! Thanks Karma for years of proving to me this is a dick move).   People use the silent treatment in their little messed up games because they believe in the end it wield them what they want.  And I would say from what I have witnessed 9 out of 10 times it does.  The 1 out of 10 times the girl gives up and gives it back and this is when the game ends, but don't worry! There are million more games that come out because if you are truly someone who feeds this type of ignoring to prove a point philosophy you are clearly very mature and probably love to play games.  (FYI only the latter part of that sentence is true because you are actually extremely emotionally immature if you rely on games to torture the one your with).  Here is the thing, if you truly love and care about someone you do not think of ways to "keep them on their toes," no when you truly care about another human being you think of ways to keep them smiling.  You think of things that make them happy and you think of ways to show you care.  You do not think of ways to shake their confidence and make them cry, if you do this to the person you love you should seriously ask yourself 1) why do you do that? 2) Why are you with that person if that is how you want to treat them? Also, ignoring to prove a point and then chatting someone up is a totally mind fuck, one minute that woman is getting over you and wounded and the next she is all shades of confused.  Think before you act. 

“Don’t spend your time on and give your heart to any guy who makes you wonder about anything

related to his feelings for you” 

― Greg Behrendt, He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys

It is too often enough (and a billion times more irritating!) that I watch my male counter parts use silence as a weapon against the opposite gender.   I have blogged about this before.  "The truth will set you free" is actually the most legitimate statement.  The truth is all these men I hear complaining as of late about crazy women texting them, blah, blah, blah need to face this fact.  These women are not just emotionally unstable Jezebels waiting to go out of their minds and text, call and act crazy.  No.  Something motivated these actions and I am guessing it is at one point said man had feelings for said lunachick.  He pursued her with hot intentions  and I am sure he meant all he said about her beauty and amazing things, but then one day all that changed and he lost interest.  AND! Instead of being the man that we could all respect and admire (insert audience sound "Awe" here please) he decided to just stop texting, or to vague text, or to change his relationship status on Facebook...or whateverthefuckitdoesn'tmatter! Instead of the smallest gesture, telling her face to face or even over the phone, hell even skype works.  I swear to you if you take your non-love interest out for dinner and fill her with positive things about her but stand your ground and say that you are not into it 9  out of 10 women will walk away not only less upset but they will respect you.  I am not going to lie there are a 1 percent of women that ruin it for us that are perhaps possessed by Satan.  Also, if you are going to tell a girl you cheated on her I strongly suggest the phone, the phone can be thrown around without any physical injury to either party.  You are welcome.  But, seriously guys can we just grow up and realize that confrontation is part of life.  If you want to date women than accept that rejecting women kindly is part of it.  And, frankly if you are not man enough to deal with this part of it, than don't date.  You are not doing anyone a favor with your presence on the dating scene. 

“I’m about to make a wild, extreme, and severe relationship rule: THE WORD "BUSY" IS A LOAD OF CRAP AND IS MOST OFTEN USED BY ASSHOLES. The word “busy” is the relationship Weapon of Mass Destruction. Remember: Men are never too busy to get what they want.” 
― Greg Behrendt, He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys

Personally it is right around the time that I truly decided to quit jerking around and give Mr. TooGood a serious chance and not be distracted that Mr. SexyDistraction stopped talking to me.  (Which in case you did not get is my biggest pet peeve).  Time has a way of showing us true colors and the best choice, doesn't she?) Until next week! XO  

References: 
Michael Fry "Why Do Girls Talk So Much" News Watch 
All pictures from google