How we Deal

I have blogged about this before but due to some recent further complications it is time again for blog therapy.  As you know my father has a very rare muscle degenerating disease called Inclusion Body Miosytis.  The following are three issues which are the struggle: 

1) Frustration.  Beyond the frustration of not being able to have a career and be closer to my family and the fact that even if I was it wouldn't change a damn thing is the frustration of the evolution of disease.  This week his eyes stopped focusing as one which means he has double vision.  For a man who eats with a large spoon because he cannot make a fist and can only half way lift his good arm from his wheel chair this is a fate most unfortunate.  Disease is frustrating because it goes on its cruel routine and it little by little destroys someone and there is no way to prepare for what comes next.

2) Terrible things happen to amazing people.  People often say good things happen to good people which in a way suggests the opposite happens to bad.  This is just a crock that people tell you to be kind to each other which you should in general just to be a human being.  You can be good until the cows come home and it won't make a lick of difference.  Cancer won't care, muscle degeneration won't care, disease doesn't care who it widdles away into nothing.  My dad  has a heart of gold, wrapped in precious stones.  He is a good father and person and bad things happen to incredible people.

3) It is okay to be sad.  I recently came to grips with the fact that it is okay to tell people I am having an emotional day because my dad isn't doing very well.  This is actually part of human nature.   Loving your father and being heart broken that he is ever so slowly dying before your eyes is a tragedy that is sad. And I cry and I ask the universe what the point of it all is and I lean on my girlfriends for kind words because it is okay to cry.  It is tough to hear about his pain and struggle and all we can do is lean in to our emotions and stay strong.

This is how we deal.  We feel and we cherish every second with the ones we love.  We love like hell while there is love to be had and we look forward to good days.  Thanks for reading. 

I'll have a blue Christmas without you.

As I was driving downtown over the bridge enjoying Christmas tunes on the radio the song "Last Christmas" by Wham came on and I realized this year is the first Christmas I am single in almost a decade.  I am not going to lie to you Christmas is a very romantic time of year.  Horse carriage rides around sparkling Christmas lights, hot cocoa, cuddles by a lit fire and constant proposal announcements on social media are all enough to drive any sane single person to the brink of desperation.  BUT! Rather than get defeated by a commercialized holiday I choose the following three tips to prevent me from eating all contents of fridge while longing for a real life Mark Darcy.

1) Try something new.  I tried swing and blues dancing and it was the best thing I could have done on a Saturday night.  Do not give into the urge to sit at home alone eating Christmas bonbons and watching The Holiday (which I have also done).  Get out of your comfort zone and socialize with new people and experience new things.  And, yes, while the holidays are prime full of couple activities they are also just as full of fun events and things to try.  Go to a cooking class, or Christmas fair, or Light Show, or even better go skiing and spa-ing with a friend.  As long as you stay busy meeting people and having fun I promise the loneliness lingering in boredom will not get you.

2) Think of all the money and time you have.  Being single around the holidays is actually a blessing.  While I do enjoy seeing all the adorable pictures of everyone getting their real Christmas trees I also think "Man who has the time to go to the Christmas tree farm, and agree on a tree, and then transport it home, and then decorate it?".  Not to mention all the money this costs all just to have it up for a week.  However, no one expects you to have a tree if you are a single woman.  In fact no expects you to do anything when you are single at Christmas time which is so relaxing! Do you know what I did on the weekend.  Wrapped the few gifts I have for my small family, visited friends, watched Netflix and ate nachos.  The past ten years had been full of making sure I had all the cards out to both of the family members for the men in my life and myself, and to make sure I had all the gifts and that they were perfectly wrapped and then to make sure the house was decorated (and of course pictured on social media so that everyone knows what an adorable Christmas we were having)...and to be honest it was exhausting!! This year I can take a deep breath and just roll with single girl problems which are really far and few between.

• 3) Listen to uplifting music and share Christmas cheer.  You know what is a lot of fun, taking your over weight pug to get his picture taken with Santa and then getting this gem of a memory made into a card for your co-workers because it makes them laugh! Then listening to fun upbeat Christmas songs on the way home.  Spread joy because it will make you happy I promise.  So get out and make people happy, I promise you will smile!  Go to the neighbor you noticed has no family this time of year and give them the cookies, donate that box full of canned food to a family in need, give your time, smile and treats to someone this holiday season and it will bring you into the joy of what Christmas is all about.

The truth of the matter is that there are all kinds of people living all kinds of lifestyles and while some Christmas songs and movies make us want to share this holiday season with someone romantically, love comes in all forms.  Try and open yourself up to new friendships, new smiles and new experiences and don't get blue during this time of year.  Thanks for reading! XO

Dear Creeps...No Thank You.

Not all blogs will be upbeat and friendly because some days you get overwhelmed by the amount of men who are just creeps out there. The following are three creepy trends that are unacceptable.

1. No dick pics – ever. I don’t know how many times I have to say this and yet some assh#le always feels inclined to send me the same disgusting picture of his messy room with his hand holding his member and
nothing else. Let me just set the record straight here once and for all, this is not sexy. I have included in this blog sexy pictures of men for your reference. I don't understand how men can receive sexy pictures of women in lingerie posing and trying to look their best and their response is here is my weird looking member. You can easily wake up in the morning and send me a cute picture of your bed head with a "thinking of you" text. This is far more sexy than the former on any day of the week. The worst part of these over sharing porno pics is that they come from strangers. Literally, you are having a normal conversation with someone about the day and then BAM there is a dick in your face. And, to be honest even if the messages are indicative of a sexual nature DO NOT assume a girl wants this kind of photo unless she full on states she wants that kind of a photo. Maybe, and this is a HUGE maybe I might one day ask for a random picture of some strangers penis but until that day just don't.

2. Lazy. "Netflix and Chill" is the worst trend to hit dating since Tinder. Don’t be so f#cking lazy. I am so tired of men inviting me to their place or out in their neighborhood. Seriously? Could you put any less effort in? No, no you could not. I don’t know whatever happened to picking a girl up from her home and driving to a location to eat food and dropping her off but somewhere between a real date we ended up with "Netflix and Chill" and it is just ridiculous. Like I am some kind of desperate women just waiting
around for a man to invite me over. You may as well just out right say "do you want to come to my house and bang?" To which I would just leap at the chance right after I drop off my self-esteem and respect on the floor. Ya right! Here is a crazy idea respect women. Pick up a boquet of flowers and pick her up at her house. Plan an evening out that doesn't involve your d*ck and actually have a conversation. Drop her off at the end of the night without any expectations and text her later that evening to say you had a good time. It is really not rocket science it is common sense.

3.Proposition me for sex. Yes this is a real and irritating issue. If I just want sex I will exit my house and get it, piece of cake. However, at this age I am actually seeking something more. Don't get me wrong
casual sex has its place in this world and I am not knocking it. But, I am worth way more than drunk wanna be booty calls, then random stranger Facebook messages, than a man who just wants to hit it and quit it. I feel sad that there are women in this world that degrade themselves to be used by men because they feel that is the treatment that gives them attention. But, I mainly just feel down right irritated that men feel that it is appropriate to suggest I have sex with them when I barely know them and don't want that at all. Here is a WILD and crazy idea if I want to have sex with you I will ask you. It is pretty simple. Try the date advice I have offered in the above number 2 and your chances will be seriously increased of ever getting a home run I mean really why do I even have to write this post and be annoyed by this behaviour? R-E-S-P-E-C-T, try getting some for women and then talking to me.

And yet if you say no to any of these disturbing behaviours you are the uptight b#tch, and you know what? I would much rather be a b#tch than the kind of women who sells herself short to be used by the kind of total creeps described above. Furthermore if you are reading this thinking it is you, than guess what? You are
a creep and you should seriously reconsider the way you treat women. Thanks for reading.

Where for Art thou Alpha Male?

When people ask me what happened in my most recent break up.   I look them dead in the eye and say "He just couldn't handle all the woman I am. " Truth.  I am a confident, driven, successful woman and this is nothing to be ashamed of.  I used to believe I should date beta males to try and "correct" my strong personality.  But, there is nothing to "correct."  The following are four traits of my unicorn a.k.a the alpha male. 

 1) Success is their middle name.  But it is beyond their own personal success.  They love success so much they crave it for everyone! They surround themselves with successful people.  They see the potential in others and don't waste their time with excuses or people that aren't trying their best in this life. 

2) They build people up.  With their healthy confidence they share their positive outlook. I use to get confused by this.  I thought arrogance was confidence but this lead me to date douches who had unhealthy confidence. A true alpha male doesn't break people he helps others. 

3) They have beautiful ideas!! They plan dates and they aren't afraid to surprise you with a reservation at a new India fusion restaurant or a meal they cooked.  They try new things and read up on current events because that is what makes them a champ.  

4) They don't fear confrontation.  Confrontation to them is part of growth, exchange of ideas, etc. They are not afraid to say no and offer other solutions.  Alpha males understand that facing confrontation and working through such things are part of life.   They never give up where they have failed and are willing to have the same conversations. 

Alpha males are few and far between.  I have met men who I thought were alpha males but they were wolves in lion's clothing.  I have met a few alpha males in my life, but never had the pleasure of dating one...yet.  At this point they are like a mystical creature, the unicorn, that I hope to one day catch the eye of.  Thanks for reading. XO

Someone That I Use To Know

Do you ever find yourself in a conversation with someone you use to know and you realize how much you really don't care? About the person, the situation, the conversation, about it all.  You self actualize how over it you truly are and how strong you have become. You learn all the things you don't ever want because they were all the things you had with them. The following are three traits which fell through the cracks in my heart during its last break which are never welcome back.

1) Pit feelings.  Truth time.  The American and I should have never moved in together.  I had this dark, unsettled feeling deep in my stomach when he moved in.  But, I talked myself out of these intuitive emotions and convinced myself we were meant to be.  I should have trusted my gut.  I should have listened to what my head was trying to scream down to my heart.  But the heart is ignorant to anything logical and it leads you to all kinds of places where it gets broken into a million little pieces.  Moving forward I will always trust this gut feeling.   If you are interested in human intuition read Malcolm Gladwell's "Blink."

2) An extrovert can be happy with an introvert.  NOPE.  I can tell you an extrovert will cancel plans they wanted to keep, avoid social outings and struggle convincing their partner to come out if they try to make a go with an introvert.  Sorry introverts but an extrovert will never be happy in your shut in world.  They will feel judged for wanting to be social and sad because they are losing themselves.  For an extrovert to truly flourish and be happy you should date another just like you.  You will feed off each other's energies and strengthen on another rather than the opposite.  Trust me I know.

3) Not worthy. I have touched on this before.  A very happily married friend of mine said "never stay if he makes you feel like you are not worth it" Earth to future self please remember this one.   Rather than say adios to men that make me feel like I am not good enough I got it in my head that I should prove to them I am worthy.  Sigh (shaking head). I am actually worth it so I am really working on being strong on this point.   Anyone who criticizes you and wants you to change can take a hike.

It is so interesting that one must break.   Be broken into tiny shattered pieces and in putting those peices back together you realize there are tragic peices that never belonged as part of your puzzle.  They are dull and painful pieces that you leave out when you stitch yourself back together.  These spaces where the dull pieces use to be formed gaps which are stitched together with beautiful sparkling self actualizing string, these spots shine brighter in your soul to remind you are better and stronger now.  It is not forgetting your memories but recognizing the negative taint of those memories and getting healthy and happy again.  Thanks for reading. XO.