As I sit contemplating between the breakfast burrito or the blueberry compote waffles at Brown's I find myself thinking about relationships and the things I miss about them.  The following are three perks in a relationship that I do miss.

1)    Morning routine.  If I were with my man I would ask him to share two breakfast items, or probably would be cooking breakfast together (Fun fact: breakfast is my favorite food, I could eat it all day, everyday, and be happy as a clam).  Sharing that first cup of coffee together pre-work stress, pre-bad day, pre-traffic jam is beautiful.  Waking up groggy, and sans make up, in the accepting arms of your lover is the best.  It is something I will never take for granted.

2)    Meaningful sex.  For lack of a less cheesy description - making sweet, sweet love.  There is nothing better than feeling emotions through touch.  Have you ever ran your fingers down someone's skin thinking about how perfect your love is for them, and you know they can feel it? It is electric. Intimacy is worth your time when love connects the both of you to it.  In the future I will slow down and absorb these moments.

3)    Date night.  Yes there are millions of fantastic lady date nights.  But, I am talking about sliding into your little black dress with those sexy stilettos because you want to see your man's face light up.  I am talking about making a reservation on Valentine's Day to that romantic restaurant you have been dying to try, and holding hands at the symphony… Those types of dates.  Those moments where he picks you up with flowers in hand and you laugh because you just love it.  I am a sucker for a bouquet of flowers.  Nothing can replace a date with a man trying to impress you. 

While I am unsure what is happening currently in my dating world and had been enjoying being single, there are moments where I long for the warmth of sharing my life with someone.

Thanks for reading. XO

The Power of Apology

 Further to last week's blog I received a heart felt apology from my Summer Fling however, due to the increasing realization that he may be more substantial than his title let's call him Mr. M.  His words touched a part of me that had been dormant for a long time and I began to believe that he wasn't one to easily let go.  The power of a well worded apology should never be underestimated for the following reasons:

 1) It admits responsibility.  A simple apology recognizes fault and is key to understanding what went wrong and why.  Not that fault should ever be thrown back in someone's face, but if you f#ck up take credit for your actions gracefully.  Acceptance of how you wronged someone you care about goes a long way.  With this said it has to be a real apology followed by actions that support those words.

2) It is the corner stone for moving  past the issue.  If you truly get why an apology is necessary and offer it sincerely than that is that.  There is no further dwelling on the issue.  You will never be in a successful relationship with anyone if you linger in the anger and pain of pre-apologies.  There is also no point in recanting your apology at a later date, or on the flip side demanding a constant apology.   An apology should be taken as it is and applied correctly.

3) Learn what you need to from this.  I have often said stupid sh#t at the wrong time to the right person and had my share of moments to apologize.  However, I learned a lot about myself, what I am capable of, what I do accidentally and many more less than admirable traits about myself that I categorize into my self improvement pile.   Always learn from your mistakes.  The fact is what hurt someone will most likely hurt most people, avoid harming others.

 But, it is right when you think that there are no unique snow flakes that one will stop to prove you wrong and make you rethink your feelings.  Some people have mastered the art of the apology and remind you that sometimes it has meaning and that maybe they deserve your affection after all.  They make your heart feel repaired from the damage they caused and you find yourself smiling when they call you again.  Thanks for reading! XO

The F Word

It is a difficult turn of events when someone makes a comment to you that is just unsettling enough for you to make up your mind that what is done is done, and the past is the past.  I was going to create an upbeat post comparing if something has the potential to be real or if it was just a rebound.  However, the upbeat post was coming from the feeling like a million bucks from my summer fling until he said the following sentence: "I thought you were overweight when we met." Suddenly the million-dollar feeling is diminished to feeling like you are not worth two cents.  If you have been following me for a while now you will know that I am survivor of a terrible eating disorder and that words about weight are dangerous.  I found myself fixated on this, how fat I was, how to lose said fat, how to be more attractive.  But, then I remembered I promised myself that I would never again spend time with someone who made me feel this way.  The following are three reasons why you should never comment on someone's weight; regardless of how "good" intended you think you are being

 <----- Me in Mexico

1) They are already obsessing over their size.  Women in society are objectified to the brink of insanity.  They are criticising themselves everyday all day.  When you see your lady friend you should not feed into her insecurities. According to the National Association for Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders " Up to 30 million people of all ages and genders suffer from an eating disorder (anorexia, bulimia and binge eating disorder) in the U.S. " Weight obsession is alive and well in our society.  You may be thinking that finding a person who will not point out weight gain is impossible.  But, I know differently.  I spent almost three years with someone who never spoke of my heaviest weight gain, when I realized it, I asked him and he said "I always thought you were beautiful."  These are the most amazing words every person deserves to hear.  If you can't say something nice about your woman's figure, don't say anything at all.

2) They cannot handle it.  First I would like to point out there is no kindness in telling someone they are fat.  Regardless if you are trying to help them lose weight for health reasons or whatever your pathetic excuse is.  Telling someone full on that they are chubby is rude.  There are a million and one better ways to approach this subject, read a book! While on the outside the person you have just destroyed with simple words appears to take it well, or maybe they did not at first, but they got over it and agreed with you, I can assure you they are 100 percent telling their friends (and all their blog readers) what you have said.  I can also 100 percent agree that the majority of people think you are a dick.  You may think you made a harmless comment in passing, but what you have actually done is start a small fire, on the bridge that was most likely one you did not want to scorch to ashes.

 <----- Me now 5'11 (155 pounds)

3) Your words were selfish.  Perhaps you were actually concerned with your friend’s health when you told them.  But guess what?  That is what doctors are for.  Rather than tell your friend that they are fat, try suggesting a fun activity to increase weight loss.  On the other side, if you told your lover that you thought they were fat because you wanted them to lose weight (let's face it, this is the majority) then you are an idiot.  If you actually think telling someone you want him or her to lose weight is a successful tactic than you are a lost cause.  Try cooking healthy together, or talk about getting active together, join a fitness class together.  I honestly believe that if you felt the only way to communicate was by calling someone fat then you said it to be mean.  Your intentions were sh#t, and you should really evaluate why you wanted to make someone you care about feel badly?  Unless you are a sadist, then you should really improve the way you communicate.

 <---- me pinching my last inch to tone

I am definitely still licking my wounds from The American telling me he was unhappy with my fitness level at the beginning of this year, so the same words in a different form coming from someone who helped me bounce back affected me a lot more than I anticipated.  But, not to worry, because while weight is someone I can always work on, either to lose or become happy with, finding someone who sees you as beautiful no matter what is the real challenge.  To all of you readers lucky enough to have this someone, congratulations! And send a little bit of luck this way, you know a girl like me can always use it. Thanks for reading xoxo

This is the end my friend

I have decided that befriending The American, and letting it all be water under the break-up bridge, is closure.  This decision came after I had realized that I can totally handle seeing him happy and in love with someone new.  I always know I am over someone when the thought of someone else touching him doesn't no longer bothers me (dangerously on the other side, I always know that I am into someone when my green eyed monster lashes out, but that is another topic for another day).  The following are three reasons you should eventually forgive and forget:

1)        Acceptance.  The most painful thing about being dumped is the rejection.  Your heart and soul are thrown out like yesterday's trash, and you are left reeling in the dismay that you were not good enough.  Friendship helps mend those wounds.  Being accepted into someone's life again, along with his or her circle of friends, is a step away from the reject circle.  

2)        You realize that they were right, you were not right for each other.  Of course you are realizing this on your own, however, being around your X-factor also reminds you that he is not the one for you.  Remember, love makes us blind.  Through friendship we can see our Mr.X for who they are and accept that friends is all you are meant to be.

3) It smoothens over hard feelings.  Eventually if you are friends you can hash shit out that maybe left you feeling a bit jaded.  Don't get me wrong; I am not saying to attack your Mr. X with accusations from the past while losing your mind.  What I am saying is that once you have built your new friendship topics you left unsettled can be approached and you may find a new piece of mind.

I am thankful for the time I had with The American it taught me a lot.  And, now I am happy we can be friends and let the past rest.  Life is too short to hold grudges.

Thanks for reading. XOXO

No text? No problem.

As I mentioned in last week's blog I have been feeling my inner lunachick coming out.  Truth be told when a man stops texting a woman, she goes a bit mental. Therefore, I have been reading up on the no texting trend.  Yes, apparently it is a trend; it is right up there with text break ups… Oh so classy, I know.  Aside from my tragic taste in men, I feel have to write this post because all the articles were aimed at understanding why one is being ignored, and I am of the mind frame there should be at least one post as to why one shouldn't give a f#ck. 

              1) He is not interested.  With 7 billion people in this world there are going to be some that are uninterested in you.  At least he is letting you know this before you end up wasting years, or even one more second of your life, with the wrong person.  When he stops texting, you should also stop texting!!! We all know what that means: He’s too busy to take two seconds? No, he is not busy.  Please, get real!  Accept that he is not interested, and love yourself enough to not get desperate.  As I always say, never chase anyone. 

              2) He made you question your worth.  I hear this so much from my girlfriends.  The sudden text void reinforces the million, self-doubting, presumptions they have about themselves…  It. Is. Not. You.  There is nothing wrong with you!  Maybe you did text too much, maybe you got drunk and said you loved him too soon, maybe you wore your cat t-shirt and he hates cats...I don't know.  But, what I do know is we are all annoying, dumb, and foolish sometimes.  Anyone who can't catch your fly ball and keep running isn't worth your thoughts.  No one is perfect, no one is flawless, and frankly who would want to be when you can be messy, imperfect, and exciting you.  This is what gives you value.

              3) Silence shows you his true colors.  I classify the text silent treatment as a level below text break ups.  Even a text that says, "I am not interested" is better than nothing at all (Side note: if you do ditch a girl via communication never blame her, you are already dumping her, take credit for your actions...unless she slept with your brother, in which case she deserves an ear full.)  But, sometimes men are cowards.  Women always think that because their men are not communicating with them they are trying to be to be hurtful, this is not the case.  It is actually because some men are p#ssies, and despise confrontation.  Thus, in their cowardly way they avoid you because they think it will all just fade away perfectly.  Idiots! I know.  But, this is just an incredibly frustrating reality of dating.  

  My two cents:  I based this post on reality.  But, never let a fool who couldn't see you for all your glory make you feel down for a second.  He probably did you a favor by letting you discover the true him, and hopefully you will meet someone who makes you realize why things never worked out with men who are not worth your time.  Thanks for reading!!! XOXO