And, then there was Him

It is right when you think you could play the field forever that the universe will throw a crazy curve ball into the mix.  This play will begin to totally distract you from all others on the go and you begin to wonder what is happening.   The following are three characterstics that set him apart from the rest:

1) Sense of humor.  This is linked to the next two points heavily but in order for my heart to skip a beat my lungs need to be laughing and my lips smiling.  But, it can't be any cheesy joke or lame story that has the same PG punch line.  Nope.  It has to be balsy, it should be a little inappropriate, a smidge cocky and always witty.   It has to have bite.  For example: the opening line of this new guy.   Let's call him The Pilot was "Have you met my friend ----?" To which I said no.  (And was truly disappointed he was about to pawn me off on his friend). To which he replied "Good, f#ck him.  My name is The Pilot" and instantly he had my interest.

2) Confidence.  Okay, fine.  Arrogance.  There is something about a man who has the confidence to spare.  It screams to me I am special.  I am rare.   I have a secret and I know my worth and it drives me crazy.  I want to know what makes them tick.  Where is the confidence coming from? And why? And when? And how? But mostly I just want to bask in the glow of their presence and enjoy it.

3) Intellect.   This is almost as important as muscles in my books but intelligence is sexy.   It is also incredibly intimidating.  Particularly when you sound like a cheerleader and have so much to learn in life.  When you feel like you could read until the ends of the earth and still be considered ill read by parts of society.  Someone with intelligence is so desirable.  They feed your mind and that is always a sexy thing.  

It was between his absent texts and putting on my favorite dj while reminiscing about how he had seen the dj in concert that something inside me perked up in interest.  Something made me recognize that he was something special in a field of rather generic players.   But, can a girl safely gamble her time if she focuses on one player...or is she bound to get played? Only time will tell.  Thanks for reading! XO

50 Shades of Confused

Further to my blog last week I went on not one but two more perfect dates.  The confusion is that these dates were with three different men.   In a world where I wanted to meet one solid guy, I met many and now am racking my brain trying to decide if morally one can date all of them and how long would it work...The following are my three tips on how to gracefully juggle your little black book.  

1) Never brag about other men.  Never make any man feel insecure or jealous and perhaps most importantly never out yourself.   Recently I went on a date with a guy who was fifteen minutes late, didn't join me in drinking a hot beverage,  - literally I drank tea and he just sat with me, and later texted me for a picture of "boobs" and most unappealing was that he asked me on a second date to his place. (Zero effort factor that I loathe)  Needless to say our first date of my cup of tea was as far as that went.   But, beyond all the red flags mentioned above the biggest turn off was him bragging about his dates with women on Tinder.  Gross.   Don't ever make your men feel like they are a grain of sand on the beach, because each one is a beautiful unique diamond that deserves to be treated as such and you in turn.

2) When you're with them be with them.   Don't be on your cell.  Don't be hiding texts.  Never act like you have a big secret.  The truth is you have had a handful of dates and are not anywhere near the chapel and ring phase.  I always assume my men are also enjoying the company of gorgeous other women because a) they probably are, and b) they are amazing and deserve to have the attention. When you go on a date be in a healthy, happy positive moment with your guy.  There is always time to chat with your other guys later.  Never simultaneously juggle in the presence of any of them it is just tacky.

3) Don't ever lie.  The problem with playing the game is that often people think they can't be honest.  I am not saying to talk about other men (I just advised you against that) I am saying never say that you are dating only them if you aren't.  Never say you are out with your bff when you are not.  You are not having an affair you are choosing a partner and sometimes that means there are tryouts.  These tryouts are crucial to choosing what is right for you. Lies get confusing.  Say you are having dinner with a friend, etc.  You know the saying "what a tangled web we weave when we first plan to deceive."  Well it turns out that nails the hammer on the head.

Always be politely honest and my own personal tip avoid "the talk" for as long as possible.  You know the defining boundaries talk because one of you is going to get hurt if you are the only one seeing other people. 

It is a complicated and yet amazing situation to be in when you have choices. How is a girl to choose...

A Perfect Date

It will be among the multitude of offers to "Netflix and Chill" and hammer texts that a diamond in the rough emerges and regardless of anything to come he has given me the best first date of my life.  For the purpose of this blog we will call him The Boxer.  The following are three dating dos that he inspired me to share:

1) Pick me up.  I don't mean look at the tag on the back of my shirt and say "Just what I thought made in heaven" kind of pick up.  I mean offer to drive to my home and drive me to our date location.  AND when you arrive get out of the car and open the car door for me.   Hold my hand to guide me safely in to said car and close the door.  This small amazing gesture speaks miles! And, it literally takes about five minutes of your time and energy.  The truth is if you are reading this thinking I am high maintenance then you have low standards of maintenance and we are never going to date.

2) Make a reservation at a good restaurant in a nice area of town.   It is our first date.  You actually should want to impress me.  The Boxer followed step one and this step as well and took me to an excellent restaurant.  I was beyond impressed.  The truth is I see so many men being babies and complaining how they never meet the right woman and it is no wonder!! As you troll Tinder and ask a woman to come over for the first date, what did you expect? And, women who sell themselves short and go to some random strangers place to hook up and then wonder why men don't respect them...seriously? You are doing it wrong.   Men - put in effort.  Women - don't let men treat you like your cheap.

3) Compliment your date.  This goes for women and men.   Women tell your man you like his choice of restaurant and that the color of his shirt is really hot on him.  Men, tell your date her dress is stunning. The Boxer leaned in over the table to tell me this and I would say it sealed the deal for a second date because I don't spend a day deciding the exact dress to wear and accessories and an hour to do my makeup routine to go unpraised.  No woman does.

In the end there was a passionate car make out session but as a firm three date or more kinda girl no sex.  This is my one strong rule to all woman.  Never, ever have sex on the first date.   Respect yourself.

 I am impressed that it took a man ten years my junior to take me on a real date and am already looking forward to the next one.   In the meanwhile, pull your socks up boys you seriously need to be putting more effort into your dates and ladies you need to be turning down offers of "Netflix and Chill."  Come on people.  Thanks for reading. XO

Fountain of Youth

Further to my blog about cougar living last week I would like to share three magnificent ways that keeping it young keeps you hip.

1) Technology...social media more particularly.  They ask to add you to their Whatsapp and Snapchat and you ask them what it is.  And, they are happy to tell you what it is and then make fun of you when you write the Snap banner accross your face in your pictures.  But, nevertheless!! You learn these new apps and you master them so you can converse with your young men.  And, in doing so you are keeping up with the ages.

2) You are in the know!! Of slang that is.  But, actually if you are me you have NO idea what "On Fleek" means...But, of course because you would never admit to such ignorance!! You pretend along and Google all these foreign words to appear in the know.  Then slowly you find yourself saying these slang words with friends your age.   You are not only keeping yourself hip you are helping your friends too!

3)Sexual healing. I am not talking about sex but sexuality and feeling sexy.  Nothing makes you forget your age and the worries that come with them faster than a compliment from a young man.  Some thing about them wanting you and flattering you washes your mind free of the daily grind and social norms.    You are laughing and smiling and feeling, and doesn't it feel great? And, let's face it after getting out of a dragged on relationship and a series of bullish#t flirtations that never accumulated to anything sexual attention is amazing.

Yes you are going to originally feel a bit dated with their friends at first but that is really just in your head.  Because twenty somethings are so much fun.  They remind us how to be hip and sexy and so much more.  So long social norms and hello to all the knowledge cougar life can give me.  Thanks for reading! XO