S-I-N-G-L-E

As for the title say it loud and say it proud!! Man it feels good to be alone.  And, I had been so preoccupied that I wanted to meet someone and that I was missing something lately that I had lost sight of how magnificent it is to be by myself again.  Happily ever after with me, myself and I.  The following are three amazing things I love about my life at the moment. 

1) Starfish sleeping.  I have a slight variation of this which is sort of a bit of a yoga stretch.  It encompasses the entire bed.  It has made my achy back a thing of the past! As well as helped me deep sleep.  So good.  So is having two giant pillows which I build around myself.  So is tucking my blanket around my feet and just having this fantastic comfy bed all to myself.  No snoring, no blanket hog, no tossing and turning, no waking up in a sweaty cuddle, no nothing but pure comfort.  And this is just one of the little things I currently relish in because us single gals need to focus on the good more often!

2) I do what I want.  When I want.   Alright, except I do have to mind the pup,but outside of that, freedom.  I don't have to ask anyone what my weekend plans are.  I don't have to check if someone else cleaned the house or took out the trash.  My house is always as clean as I left it.  And, I thought it would be great to be part of a team but what I lost sight of was that it is pretty amazing to be your own team by yourself.  Don't go reading this thinking I am a bitter old hag because I am not.  I just have a new appreciation for my life as a team of one. 

3) Anxiety Free.  Rather than preoccupy my time fussing if he likes me or not or calling or not etc. All that preoccupies me is what kind of pizza to order, when to go for a run, what outfit is best for work. Outside of the fact that I don't have to keep my freakishly long legs shaved I also exercise more and eat healthier which also helps me relax.  I would say the time I have to spent thinking about meal plans, groceries, career, friends has definitely enriched my current self. And, I found out with a few tools I am capable of dealing with all my tasks pretty amazingly.

And, I am SO bored of people telling me once I feel this way I will meet someone incredible.  I am not a spinster.  I am happy single successful woman who actually doesn't need anything but myself.  And, it is such a crazy society that dictates I need a man to be happy.  Because, really does anyone? 

Thanks for reading. XO

Honeymoon Over

Recently a friend suggested to me I only wanted to date men while it was fun and that I did not truly want a relationship.  Which got me to thinking.  Is that true? Do I long for the honeymoon but the moment the hue from the rose dulls I lose interest? Am I hooked on the first rush of possible love? All this will be answered in time but I can tell you three lame facts about the end of the honeymoon period.

1) Words are empty air.  Ah, love.  That first warm fuzzy week when he promises you he wants to lose that unsightly beer belly and eat healthy, where he says you inspire him to quit smoking and ride that new pedal bike ten kms a day. And, those shelves you need tools to deal with? Well, you bet he will be your shinning night with tools in armour to help you!! Fast forward to almost two months later and nothing has changed...he still smokes like a chimney, has rode that bike once and the icing on the cake? He literally binge ate himself sick (healthy eating after all) on the night he was supposedly going to help you with those tools of his.  And, this is one of the first times in my life where I admit I was falling for the representation of a man not the reality of Mr. Darcy.  The honeymoon is so full of promise, but sadly those promises are just words.  Don't fall for it, wait it out to see his true colors.

2) Hello? Is this thing on? (Taps microphone).  Gone are the days where he listens.  Sadly you realise he was actually only selectively listening.  I seriously attempted to open a conversation about matter 1 above thinking communication could repair the emptiness.  But, in exchange I was told I was paranoid and dramatic and that no conversation would be had.  And, while I am sure there is a sea of women who would love to be ignored and put down I am not part of that sea.  I deserve someone who can talk about anything under the sun with confidence.  Never settle for someone who refuses to hear you.

3) Not compatible.  In the beginning we are so willing to try new things and be open minded.  Love is blind.  But gradually reality sets in and you remember what you like and what you don't like and what turns you on and quite frankly what you are one hundred percent not interested in ever experiencing.   The truth is at the end of the day it is all about finding someone who is on your same page.  And, I am not getting into the sexual suggestions that led me to this revelation but I will tell you I am happy to be single again.

And, maybe it is me.  Maybe I love the honeymoon.  The being wooed.  The rush of the fall.  And, if it is, so be it.  I would rather be incredibly happy with my single self than disillusioned and miserable with the wrong person.

Thanks for reading!! XO

Let's Make A Change

I need to back track to this thought because I have heard way too many women in my life lately complain about 30 something men.  And, before you go further and think I am biased I know women have issues and some things need to be said, but are there no tactful men out there? Here are three truths I have continuously found:

1) They rush.  You have barely sat down to the coffee table on your first date and already they are setting parameters.  They explain their life goals and if you aren't their picture perfect cut out of what they envisioned they kick you to the curb. Or worse they completely suffocate you with how you're soul mates.   I honestly don't know which is worse.  But, both rush whatever could have been.  They want to move in right away, meet your family and then months down the line they discover you are actually an axe murderer. Who knew? Slow down.

2) They judge you without knowing you.  For some reason men in their 30s have a mental list for their next girlfriend and their checking it twice. (Truth time: I have a list, it's on my fridge, but I don't follow it strictly because I don't want to miss meeting someone interesting by being an idiot).  And, they say they are searching for their unicorn and it is 100 percent logical.  Mean while they have been single for two years....yes, rejecting getting to know a real girl for a fictional one makes total sense.  Spending countless nights alone wondering why you're single, is far better than getting to know someone who is awesome.

3) Their issues have issues...I once was in a long term committed relationship with a guy and he actually said that one day I would secretly stop taking my birth control and trap him with me forever with a child...hello crazy train.  As if I would change my life goals and my opinion on wanting children in order to be with him forever...yaaaaaa.  Needless to say men in their 30s seem to have baggage.  They can't trust.  Another had this crazy notion he was broken and just couldn't like nice girls.  Sometimes they think you will be like their exes.  Ugh, please relax.  I only wanted to enjoy a beer on a sunny deck, tea at the coffee shop, lunch in the park...I am not dragging you to the chapel.  Try to get to know someone before you beat them to death with your emotional baggage.

4) Last but not least they say they do all these things because they don't want to waste anyone's time.  Perfect so getting to know me is a waste of time? Having fun and going and trying new things is a waste of time? Having company rather than sulking alone is a waste of time? You know what is a waste of time? Conversations about wastes of time.  I am an adult.  Try asking me exactly what I am looking for and getting to actually know me before you call me a waste of time.

Ah, and you are possibly wondering about Mr. Darcy and so am I.  Getting to know someone has it's ups and downs.  But, this is a topic for another day.   Thanks for reading. XO

Mr. Darcy

And along came Mr. Darcy (named deservingly so from one of my favorite films Bridgette Jones Diary) right when I thought I would be lost forever in a sea of creepy or emotionally disabled fish he came along and changed my mind.  And you just try not to fall for his Welsh accent and perfect face, his broad shoulders and motorcycle…I bet you can't.  For our first date he whisked me away on the back of said motorcycle up a mountain for a bite.  Seriously what good dreams are made of.  And, for some reason I had forgotten the three telltale signs he IS into you.  Which I will share right here for all of you who may be wondering:

1) He asks about you.  I had completely forgotten about this and had found myself struggling to maintain conversations that somehow got solely focused on HD and other men chatting to me.  The 100 percent truth is when a man is interested in you he will ask about you.  Because, he will want to know about you.  If he is just looking for a piece of ass or like most the men I have dated, a self-absorbed narcissist, then he you will probably notice that he only speaks about what he wants, feels, does and you are not really part of the conversation.  However, if you are lucky enough to come across a gem like Mr. Darcy the you will notice that when a man is interested in you he tells you he is thinking about you.  He tells his friends and family all about you.  He compliments you all the time and perhaps equally as important he asks you all about yourself.

2) He listens.  Do you ever find yourself repeating yourself to others?  I do all the time.  I once in a text conversation had a guy ask me three times what area I lived in…sigh.  The truth is if a man cannot even remember you are a vegetarian and offers you bacon in the morning he doesn't care.  He honestly truly just does not care enough to remember what you like.  In the meanwhile you maybe bursting full of useless facts about him.  Because why?  Well, because when you care about someone you remember things about them and you try and show them you care by letting them know this.  Mr. Darcy on several occasions referred to things to we had discussed.  And, I am not saying you can never forget anything, we are all human.  But, let's be real.  If he doesn't recall anything about you, you are probably not significant to him in the least…or worse you are just one of the many girls he has on the go.

3) Effort.  I have blogged about this far too many times and yet here I am.  When a man cares about you he will move mountains for you.  He will not use lame excuses as he was too busy to send you a one word text, he will not make you drive 100 kms on the regular to see him but never make the same journey to see you, he will never say you aren't worth it.  When you catch a man by the heart he will give his all to be near you.  I will do you one better the right kind of man will not only put in the effort he will let you know when he is just thinking about the effort.  Don’t ever think if you chase a looser that he will become a winner.  A winner already has the prize, the prize is you and they won't be foolish enough to lose you by slowing their roll.

To be honest I didn't realize how emotionally draining and negative HD and dating were.  But now that I have Mr. Darcy showering me with affection and all the right kind of attention there is definitely a little more pep in my step.  Thanks for reading! XO