And then...I went crazy.

Recently I went into bitch mode.  And, I have to tell you it has the exact same outcomes socially as being nice but mentally it gave me peace of mind.  The following are three reasons I lost my mind and gained my back bone. 

1) Enough is enough.  I told off The Pilot for being a liar because rather than be honest and say he wasn't interested he made up a break up and that he was "going through some stuff" only to reappear a month later and play the same hustle.  Enough. I am not an idiot.  I told off The American because he pretended to be my friend. Enough.  I told off a creep who pretended he wanted to take me on a date but instead started totally inappropriate (and one sided) sexts.  Enough.  Enough men who think they can treat you like you mean nothing.  Like you aren't worth the truth. Like you are a walking vagina for any of them to try and get into.  Enough.  I had enough of all the bullshit.

2) Lesson learned.  I thought I learned a few years ago from the Mr. X saga that I needed to be sugar and spice and everything nice.  What a load of bullshit. You know what being too kind makes you? A door mat to self absorbed douches.  It does not bring you a kind hearted person.  Be kind to people that deserve it and destroy the rest.  Douche bags actually don't deserve door mats or kindness.

3) I felt weak.  Being super nice to save face is exhausting. It made me feel used and small.  It made me feel like I had no control.  It one hundred percent did not make me feel like the bigger person.  Telling people off did.  Telling people to get f#cked liberated me into happiness.  Telling men who sent me dick pics; and who literally met me for ten minutes asked me to f#ck, to get lost felt awesome. Telling men who had lied to my face without reason that they were full of sh#t felt awesome.  And, I am not loosing any sleep at night because my life has less douche bags in it.  In fact I sleep great.

So maybe this makes me a b#tch and if so I wear the title proudly.  I learned to treat people exactly the way they treat you and it completely empowered me.  And, yes, I may be single for ever because perhaps men are looking for sugar and spice but at least I will be happy.   Thanks for reading. XO

No Scrub

Once I decided I was over dating I met someone.  He seemed to have potential but shortly after we met he became unemployed. (Crucial side note: it recently came to my attention that people may view my dates as hook ups, this is absurd.  When I say on here I met someone, or went on a date, that is exactly what it means.  Minds out of the gutter).  At this age I had to ask myself how important career is in my romantic endeavours and it came across as extremely important for the following three reasons. 

1) Stability.  Maintaining a job surrounded by like minded professionals screams stability to me.  If you can be an adult and wake up early, put your big boy pants on and join society then I feel your chances of being able to function in a relationship is high.  There are careers for everyone from farmer to mechanic to doctor.  If you are working hard at yours then you are in this category.

2) Passion is sexy.  To be driven to succeed is hot.  A man who knows what he wants and when he wants it is damn hot.  A man who loafs around the house in pajamas complaining about work is not.  Work hard, play hard is my motto.  And, don't ever let anyone bring you down over your standards.  I recently had someone try and tell me not to worry about career and owning a car. But, I have a career and a car.  I want an equal.  A person who can pick me up for a date.   Having an expectation of equality is good.  Have standards for yourself.

3) Security.  Yes, part my answer involves finances because I don't want to support any grown man.  Not even for a second.  I strongly believe to be respected as equals in a relationship is key to success.  I have been on both sides of the equation on this point and supporting and being supported financially is not where I ever want to be again. 

So, in the end I was honest and said a man who has a career is what I am looking for.  For so many reasons.  And, I am not asking for anything that I don't have in myself. Thanks for reading! 

My Badass B#tches

I have began to discover that one must get completely fed up with something before they truly create change.  Dating for example has proven to be one disappointment after the next in a series of men that I probably should have never given the time of day to in the beginning but I was hopeful and a bit lonely.  Frustration paired with a sense of worth creates change.  A complete overwhelming urge that "Yes, I deserve to feel amazing about myself and the people I surround myself with."  On Friday evening I had an epiphany.  It was not how to fulfill my life with the "right" kind of man, or how to meet said man…in fact it had absolutely NOTHING to do with the opposite sex at all.  It had everything to do with empowering myself through increasing the amount of time spent in contact with my amazing girlfriends.  The following are three reasons why the badass b#tches in my life make me feel like the bomb.

1) No hidden motives.  I was having brunch with my girlfriend on Sunday morning and she actually enlightened me to this point.  Girlfriends (on average) don't have any ulterior motive to seeing you.  They don't want to get you drunk and take advantage of you, they don't want to hit on you and make you feel uncomfortable, they don't want to send you hammer pics and make you feel worthless.  No.  On the contrary female friends actually want to see you.  Their only motive behind calling you is that they need to chat to you.  Their only motive behind wanting to drink wine with you is that they enjoy your company paired with a cab sauv.  Their only motive behind paying for lunch is that they want to treat you.  Strong female friends have an incredible way of reminding us of our worth and how people should treat each other.

2) They compliment you.  Women have an uncanny ability to build each other up.  At this point in your life I assume you have out grown any kind of woman who tears others down.  Surround yourself with women who make you feel beautiful and loved.  When I see my girlfriends they always say "Oh you look so great!" or they compliment your nail polish or hair and they mean it.  And they mean it because they want you to feel beautiful and they like certain things about you.  They don't compliment you because they have to.  They don't say frivolous things to you that they do not mean.  They actually like you and what you do, what you wear, your hair, your everything and that is something very special in this world.  To have people in your life who truly see you, all your sides and all of you and still pick out small things about you which are beautiful to them.  If you have women similar to this in your life cherish them and let them know because these relationships are far more rewarding than any other.

3) They need you too.   Have you ever got the 3 am phone call from your distraught girlfriend who is crying and thought what the hell?  Only to console her and eventually go back to sleep?  At first these panicked moments appear dramatic but then you must come to realize of all the people in all the world your friend chose you to lean on.  That is amazing.  Of all the contacts in her phone and of all the people she reached out to you because you are a good friend.  You are needed.  You are the one that friends want to book lunches with and drinks with and you are the one that gets birthday wishes and thoughtful gifts.  You are needed in your circle of friends.  Often relationships with the opposite sex leave us questioning what the hell is going on and why.  But, you always know with your fabulous female friends that you are truly appreciated and needed.

So long men and dating (aka bullsh#t and stress paired with drama) and hello happiness.
The less I talked to men.  The better I felt about myself.  The less I worried about dates with men and the more I focused on my lady dates the more self worth I have.  Sometimes in life you need to lose yourself in great friendships and forget everything else.  Thanks for reading!

You should stay or you should GO

After numerous conversations with men I am writing this post for me and my numerous fabulous single girlfriends to ask any man that is interested to man up or f#ck off.  I am so over the grey zone b.s. and frankly worth more than half-assery.

 Please take the following three tips.
1) Time and time again I have many, many, many...etc.  text messages and pms from all kinds of men and they blather on and on about themselves.  There isn't even one shred of interest in the women they speak to.  They talk about THEIR day, THEIR weekend plans, THEIR work week.  Blah, blah, blah.  If you are truly interested in a woman don't reach out and treat her like a free therapist.  Ask her about herself.  The truth is, if you were and are actually interested you would be asking about her and if you are not stop wasting her time.

2) Stop beating the bush to death.  It is super fantastic when a guy tells you he wants to get together, and asks you to get together "sometime" and tells you he would love to try a new restaurant with you but then never puts one second of effort in to actually asking you out.  The idea is tossed around time and time again like an illusion with zero action. Here is the deal.  Either ask her.  Make the reservation.  And go...or f#ck off.

3) Stop flip flopping.  Perhaps Katy Perry was really into something with her hot and cold song.  Dear Men, stop floundering.  And, I know I hear that he flounders because he has other options and isn't sure.  Well, isn't that just grand ladies?? The reason he texts you sporadically and has half a$$ed effort is because he has other women on the go.  And, this is supposed to make us feel better.  Cut those players lose.  If your not number one and he is bouncing to and fro in your life like a yo-yo. Cut that useless string.

Reality is you are an amazing, gorgeous, badass woman.  The right man will realize this.  The wrong losers will treat you in the ways described above.  Men either step it up and stay or literally go...far away...and never....ever....ever come back. Thanks!!