“But I do have conversations about the Patriarchy and I am having them with gay men. At eighteen, I am discovering what generations of women have long known. The natural ally of the straight woman is the gay man because they are others losers too.”
― Caitlin Moran, How to Be a Woman
Ah yes the ever present fruit fly sensation. Why straight women seem to flock to gay men and are thus given this title is evident time and time again. From popular TV series to reality the fabulous gay man takes the stage as the best friend of the straight woman. And, WHY NOT? The following are three fantastic reasons gay men finish first when it comes to their straight female counter parts:
“I cannot hate gay men, I cannot hate homosexuality. At the lowest points in my life, when all else abandoned me, my gay men friends were my sisters, aunts, mothers who lifted me up on their shoulders and reminded me that there is light at the end of the tunnel. If I were to hate gay men, or to condemn them just because they're gay, I would be a hypocrite. I simply cannot turn my back on arms that held me in my darkest hours.”
― C. JoyBell C.
1) Gay men make you feel fabulous! " Studies show that gay men shower straight women with a sort of attention that straight men simply don't offer them. For instance, straight women feel that gay men accept and admire them for their inner beauty, not their outer appearance. Subsequently, women with more gay friends feel sexier and more self-confident about their bodies by comparison to women who don't have gay friends. Similarly, gay men make straight women feel more appreciated for their personality than do straight men. Perhaps unsurprisingly, women say their friendships with gay people are more honest and secure than those with straight individuals, male or female."(1) My gay male friends are always very complimentary. And, there compliments are genuine, and when they do critique me it is in a manner that is not hurtful and typically leaves me laughing. They speak their minds and appreciate women and men alike. They also get their "hate on" and empathize with my stories which makes me feel like they truly care about what I am saying and feeling. I don't really need to talk about the straight male stereotypes and their constant actions in the opposite direction of this, feelings what are those?
“I was determined that in fiction anyway two men should fall in love and remain in it for the ever and ever that fiction allows.”
― E.M. Forster
2) Sex? No thanks! There is no pressure to put out, or confusion over whether or not your gay friend is only your friend because he wants a piece. Because, thank goodness! he is gay! And, on the women to women side, straight women are VERY DIFFICULT to be friends with. Women are catty little bitches so often to one another and it is sad. I have finally weeded out the drama fueled women in my life and have filled it with beautiful kind hearted honest women (and it ONLY TOOK 31 years). But back to the topic at hand: "Relationships between straights and straights and gays and gays are notoriously fraught with difficulty. Often, friends become lovers. They also become former friends. Just like the movies, research shows that straight men can easily fall for their female friends. And although they provide the valuable “male perspective,” straight men do have a tendency to misinterpret women's general friendliness as having more sexual intent than it typically does. Straight women's friendships with each other can get sticky, too. It's no secret that ladies can be pretty catty, especially when it comes to competing for male attention. Though women mutually provide companionship and emotional support, they can also play dirty. Science backs this up. One study, for example, found that women will make derogatory comments about their rivals in mating, and will resort to manipulation to gain an advantage." (2) Therefore the gay man comes to the rescue as the friend a woman can trust more than her own gender (of course I know that there is drama among gay men to gay men friendships that I have heard extensively about, but this blog is intended to write about first hand knowledge and thus avoiding getting into that scenario).
“Poor boys are easier than middle-class or rich ones. Boys who've been busted are easier than boys who have not. Southern boys are easier than Northern boys. Marines are easier than Masturbation.”
― John Valentine, Puppies
3) Competition Honey I don't think so! So perhaps the main reason that women and women often end up being catty or rude or whatever is that they do to one another is because they feel they are in competition with one another. . However, gay and straight women are not competing for the same man, unless said man is bi in which case there is the possibility, but more commonly not. "Since they aren't competing for the same men and they aren't attracted to each other, they have the space to develop a deeper level of honesty and trust between them. This might be especially true when it comes to feedback about romantic affairs."(3) Unfortunately there is very minimal literature on this phenomena and often this friendship can be put on display in a less than flattering light. Until recently the word "fag hag" was used, "fruit flies" is far more endearing but still suggests a bit of a nuisance There is a slight feeling being a straight woman attempting to blend into the gaybourhoud that I don't belong because I am not gay. But, given the payoffs of this kind of friendship the awkward moments are worth the beautiful friendship that flourishes.
Carrie: It's all total bull s**t. What is wrong with cigarettes?
So there you have it. This straight woman's perspective on this awesome phenomena of the bonding techniques behind a friendship that is not always understood but is something that is obviously special.
References:
Why Straight Women and Gay Men Make the Best of Friends
The Science of Will and Grace
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