The Cougar Effect: Why Older Women Love Young Men.

The Cougar Effect: Why Older Women Love Young Men.

“Do you want to know a cruel joke? A cruel joke is men hit their sexual peak at 18 while women hit theirs at 30.  That is just cruel, what 30 year old woman do you know wants to date a guy in grade 12?”

-        Myself Conversing with Ms. M

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In light of a recent conversation with Ms. A during her last visit I began to realize that more and more older women are intrigued by younger men.  In fact in Ms. A’s case she was being pursued by an 18 year old man, of course, being happily involved with Mr. K for many years now she rebutted these young advances, but she did agree that this 18 year old who was hot on her trail was very attractive.  I have experienced similar moments in time.  I once was outside a club and started chatting up a very tall, very attractive man who turned out to be 19.  I had to laugh when he offered to buy me a drink because 19 is just too young.  But, that does not mean for a long moment I did not think about it.  On the flip side of this equation Ms. M is only attracted to the opposite of younger men.  She thinks younger men are awkward and inexperienced.  However, it is my personal experience that once you have spent your time dating younger men it is nearly impossible to be happy with men your own age or older.  In fact this Saturday I was chatting with a great looking guy, he gave me his number and through texting revealed he just turned four years my junior.  This made him far more attractive in my books.  In fact, I got to thinking about the reasons I had not been interested in men before.  I have often told my girlfriends "Oh he is just too old” about men my same age to three years older than me.  It would seem that I am suffering from the cougar effect. “The cougar phenomenon: We’ve all heard about the phenomenon of the cougar - an older woman who deliberately sets out to date younger men. We all know about celebrity cougars like Demi Moore and her relationship with Ashton Kutcher. We've all heard of toy boys.And statistics show that this is not just a media invention. The BBC has reported that 25% of older women are married to younger men. In America, 30% of older women date men who are younger than themselves.”(1) And, unlike Ms. M, the majority of my lady friends are embracing this phenomenon.  It is important to clarify here that younger men refers to men typically 25 and up, while there have been a few 21 to 24 year olds sprinkled in the mix 25 and up is ideal.  

Here are the three reasons I most admire the company of younger men.

1)     They are immature.  Thank god for this! You may have thought immaturity is a turn off but to me it is a relief.  Due to immaturity younger men are so much fun because they are not afraid to be a bit silly.  They are young so they have not learned yet that certain things are not socially acceptable which at this age makes me laugh.  In my twenties I would have been embarrassed but given I have reached the amazing age of 31 I too do not care about socially accepted norms.  In fact, I think that these norms have made men dull causing them to rarely act impulsively or creatively.  What is interesting is that when I researched immaturity it unfortunately was only listed as a reason NOT to date younger men.  I have to DISAGREE with this.  Being immature is a short lived window, one day the guy you are dating is so much fun, beer bonging with friends, singing drinking songs or saying absurdly hilarious observations the next you are dating someone that only wants to discuss mortgage rates, car finance and day care options.  Perhaps I do not want to grow up, this is a possible reason, but I actually think in growing up I have come appreciate the wacky side of immaturity that fades with time.  I have come to laugh at it and embrace it and know it is scarcely found in men with receding hair lines.

2)     They are HOT!! (hot, hot!) What is that full head of hair? Wash board abs? Smooth hairless back? Yes please! Younger men, whether or not they try to stay in shape or not they have hot bodies.  They also have smooth, wrinkle and hair free skin and full heads of hair.  Most people that know me know that I am NOT a fan of body hair or balding.  So their hotness factor is undeniable.  This is a fear of mine.  I see so many TV shows plagued with the unattractive, fat, balding, idiot husband paired with a smart, successful, stunning wife.  What a ridiculous male based fantasy!  I guess women feel pressure to surcome to societies projections of what we should want in life.  “Does our culture's collective discomfort with a reversal of the usual younger woman–older man dynamic come, as scientists suggest, from a deep-rooted evolutionary instinct that drives women to choose the wiser, older, more powerful alpha male over the untested young buck? Or could it be caused by something as shallow and immediate as a woman's not wanting anyone to think her date is her younger brother or, God help us, her son? Maybe women feel that because girls have a head start on maturity back in the seventh grade, our emotional and spiritual equals must forever be at least five years older than we are. Whatever part of the conventional wisdom they buy into; American women find it easy to summarily reject younger men. Too bad. They could be denying themselves the most wonderful relationship of their lives.”  Tsk, tsk society!

3)     They are eager.  Young men are eager in life, not just the sack (mind out of the gutter for two minutes my fine readers) They are eager to get going on their life goals and aspirations; they are passionate and filled with hope! This is such a great thing to witness.  Something happens to men as they age, they settle.  When men settle they lose that passion and drive and find a routine.  ROUTINE? I am pretty sure that if Webster’s Dictionary had a definition of boring life it would be routine.  Younger men are still feeling their way through life so they are always trying new things and bringing a lot of passion to their dreams.  (Now mind in the gutter) Romantically they are eager to please.  Now Ms. M believes this eagerness to be paired with inexperience.  Of course someone a decade younger than you will have less experience, unless you have been locked in a dungeon or married for the past ten years.  But, that does not mean that is a bad thing.  I have had young lovers that I would deem far better in the sack than a lot of older men.  Also, I have noticed lovers in their 30’s often act like they are doing me a favor.  Arrogance is something that men also accumulate over time so the awkward young lover is so much more appreciative and, yes, eager that they are preferred in my books.  It may also be important to note here that I dig awkwardness.  I revel in the moments where men lose their words and are lost.  When they stumble for the next thing to say and are unsure I think it is adorable.  Also, I have noticed while younger men will pour their heart and soul into attaining a woman, older men have lost that drive.  Perhaps men in the thirties are of high demand or they just think they are, but the younger man at least strives for his prize.  While his older rivalry lays around waiting for the woman to pursue him.  Good luck with that.

Furthermore, from the men I have known in my life time I have come to learn the majority of them love being the younger man.  There is some mysterious allure to older women, whether it be their confidence, sexuality, or their knowledge I am not sure but there is something that drives younger men to hunt the cougar.  According to one article here are few reasons younger men crave the cougar: “1. Older women are taboo; taboos are attractive... 2. Mature women make men feel more comfortable... 3. Older women may be hunting for younger guys [obviously]... 4.Young men do not have much experience with women.”(4)  All I know is the younger men I have been with have never acted with anything but pride as to having an older woman around and the younger friends I have get praise from their guy friends for the older women they manage to keep around so if younger men have their eye on older women and vice-versa than bring it on!

It is right when I finish writing this article that I found this terminology:

“A playerette is very confident because she's hot, and she's looking for casual encounters rather than commitment. She likes sex and attention, and is working it because, thanks to her physical and social gifts, she can.

A cougar will be slightly less hot and generally older. Her attitude is often more along the lines of "I've got to get all the young guys I can, while I can." A cougar is often more like a drunk woman looking to hook up at closing time, but extended over months or years rather than the last half hour of the evening. I categorize a totally smokin' woman over 30 who's not looking for commitment as a playerette, not a cougar, because her attractiveness will have guys coming to her, rather than her having to play more offense and prowl for male prey.”

Thus am losing the term cougar and replacing it with playerette. 

Personally, I met a few men this weekend while out with the new Ms. J, Mr. D (mentioned in the previous blog) and am texting with them.  But, have decided never to put all my eggs in one basket or fluke things out by blogging about them too soon.  On the Mr. Yukon front I had to say goodbye to this little gem, while he is everything that I would love to have around, he is also a million miles away.  Two months have gone by with sporadic texting and that actually does not bother me.  What bothered me was he was infecting my thought process.  I would meet another man, enjoy a conversation and then somehow find myself thinking of him.  Not good.  There is no way I am going to have feelings for a fling that lives so far away, so I texted him that as great as he is we should just be friends.  My text was nice and to the point and, as always, flattering.  So hopefully whenever he gets service he will read and we can just be friends.  There is not time in this busy city life to waste day dreaming of Mr. Yukon. See ya!

1) http://arabia.msn.com/lifestyle/valentine/16395/the-allure-older-women-why-men-love-c/

2) Read more: http://www.oprah.com/relationships/Dating-a-Younger-Man-O-Magazine#ixzz2PuFJqxq1

3) http://m.askmen.com/dating/player_100/143_love_games.html

All Photographs From: https://www.google.ca/#hl=en&sclient=psy-ab&q=pictures+of+men&oq=pictures+of+men&gs_l=hp.3..0l4.114.4199.0.4389.24.16.4.4.4.0.103.1019.15j1.16.0...0.0...1c.1.8.psy-ab.xEQDOzeTH20&pbx=1&bav=on.2,or.r_cp.r_qf.&bvm=bv.44990110,d.cGE&fp=129d4de158f3716&biw=1920&bih=1105