Break Ups Are Not Deadly

“Love like you will never get hurt”
-Unknown

I feel the need to write about the fact that break ups are, while hellish, survivable.  It seems as I prance around with fire in my soul that more and more of my girlfriends warn me against giving my heart to anyone.  They are kind little reminders that my heart is not made from steel and will possibly be crushed into a million pieces.  Ms. M is particularly good at reminding me of this and while she may be jaded from the scars of her own past she may also be right.  But here is the thing, like Bob Marley says “The truth is everyone is going to hurt you, you just have to find the ones worth suffering for” Damn rights! See the one worth suffering for me or for you could be someone who will make you suffer, sad truth.  Relationships are not carved in stone, they do not transcend the ages often enough, and yes, your heart will be broken.  So, all my lovely friends (excluding Ms. K who tells me all is fair in love and war and tries to put her rose colored glasses on me when we talk) keep reminding me of my last break up and how break ups hurt.  Yes, this is true my last break up quiet literally broke me and break ups suck.  BUT do you know what sucks more? NEVER TRYING ANYTHING because you are afraid you will get hurt.  What kind of logic is this?  I suppose I should just wrap myself in bubble wrap and then contain myself in a bubble with this mentality.  Of course no one wants to see anyone hurt.  Unless you are some sort of sociopath than you do, but no one that I know is.  So, therefore I get the warnings.  In outweighing the bad with the good here are three reasons to fall in love:

"Don't cry because it is over.  Smile because it happened"
-Dr. Suess

1)     There is a cost for everything.  To enjoy a sunny day we get a little sunburnt, to start a campfire sometimes we burn our finger tips, to travel the world we incur debt, to have a bottle of wine with the girls we incur a hangover, etc.  To all things relative in this world we suffer the consequence and these consequences are not pleasant.  Thus, if you are coming in hot to the world of love than you may very well have your heart ripped out.  It is a common denominator one must know when playing the game of relationships.  As my dad always says “Ain’t nothing in this world for free” This is true when you look at the small trade-offs we endure for the things we enjoy.  Here is an example; I LOVE Kits beach here in Vancouver.  I love the little pub beside it with spiked lemonade in a tiny glass boot, I love the sun, the volley ball, the people, I just love it.  However, to get to my haven I must endure the smelly, hot, public bus for almost an hour from the North Shore.  I know this before I even put on my bikini and leave the house, I am fully aware that I must go through this.  And you know what?  I get on the bus and endure the hour each way because it is worth it.  What has changed in me since my last hear break up is that I realized this.  Nothing lasts forever.  Whereas before I was wide eyed and naive, now I know that the words “forever” can mean actually just for today and that love is fleeting.  Once you have this knowledge the better you are.  I have seen couples destroyed after one day and after 35 years together, love comes with a price like everything else.  That is not to say that I am jaded and think that you must constantly remind yourself of the price of your happiness, not at all! What it does mean is to just be aware of the trade off. 

"Love hurts" 
-Aerosmith

2)     All wounds heal.  This is where scars, scabs, burns, etc come from, they all come from wounds and they are all part of a healing process.  Yes, heartache sucks! It can feel like you might die and not be able to go on, but guess what?  You can, in fact, you will.  You will mend the million little pieces of your shattered ego and heart and be fine.  You may be a little disgruntled, you may have a little more baggage, or whatever the case is but the truth is one day down the road you will realize you actually feel just fine, you are alive and well, because all wounds heal.  I know my friends never want to see me hurt and that is really great but they must know that all pain subsides eventually.  With this in mind they know I will be fine.  After a break up I will admit I fall to pieces but unlike humpty dumpty I was able to put myself back together again and I did not need all the kings horses and all the kings men to do it.  All I needed was time.  Time not only heals your wounds, it also gives you time to create a new life, a new love, a new everything.  So, I would argue that time not only heals wounds, it creates opportunity for amazing things to happen beyond healing.

“No, this is not the beginning of a new chapter in my life; this is the beginning of a new book! That first book is already closed, ended, and tossed into the seas; this new book is newly opened, has just begun! Look, it is the first page! And it is a beautiful one!” 
― C. JoyBell C.

3) Change is GOOD! This should actually be the main focus of your break up.  See while you are crying over a pint of Hagen Das, or vodka, or whatever it is you binge on when you are heartbroken you really need to look at the possibilities!! Last year at this time I was living in a major fixer upper house on a huge acerage, struggling with maintiaing the property, working full time at shit job I hated, finding it difficult to have a social life because the town was so small, and now I have a great career, live in a great place, love my socailizing abilities and have never been happier.  With every ending comes a new beginning.  These possibilities are often hard to see when looking at your life immediately following a break up.  But what you need to realize is your life is limitless.  You answer to no one! You can change, do, accomplish anything you set your mind too.  What an amazing change for you! You will perhaps move to a new amazing place, start a new fun hobby that you love, you will change for the better.  In fact, the sad thing is some of us in this world will not change without this push.  Some of us will stay stuck in a go nowhere rut because we do not want to be alone and believe we are truly in love.  In this particular situation when your lover breaks it off and forces you to change it is the best change of your life.  Trust me I would know.

I am not sure what to write about this week.  I went to a music festival with Player #1 and had an amazing time, but the distance and the fact that we are both happily single is something that makes for a questionable future.  I am not sure what will happen.  But, I have no regrets for spending four amazing days with him, meeting new people, dancing, and having fun.  Life is full of experiences we create.  With that said I am off to Santa Monica tonight with Ms. A, so I hope that next blog will have some fun stories and inspire new blog topics! I will keep you posted! XO