The Love is GONE!

“I'm about to make a wild, extreme and severe relationship rule: the word busy is a load of crap and is most often used by assholes. The word "busy" is the relationship Weapon of Mass Destruction. It seems like a good excuse, but in fact in every silo you uncover, all you're going to find is a man who didn't care enough to call. Remember men are never to busy to get what they want.”
― Greg Behrendt

I am not writing this blog to place blame for any current events that have befallen any of my wonderful friends (such as Ms. K or Ms. M).  I have noticed a pattern, that I have been guilty of, women staying with men that clearly have no interest in them.  I would like to clearly state here that some women think that their man is a unique snowflake and that I do not know all the facts of their very complex situation BUT I have to say this is just an excuse.  ALL MEN regardless of how they express it act like they are interested. The phenomenon of women staying with men that do not act like they want to be with them is very odd and creates a lot of hostility. From my personal experience and what I have witnessed the pattern is: He treats her poorly (perhaps a tactic to get rid of her), A HUGE FIGHT ensues (she threatens to break up with him for good this time), He does absolutely nothing (or the very bare minimum) to remedy the situation, they stay together because for some reason this is love....(shaking my head). This is not even the sad part. THE SAD PART is when asked "Why do you stay with him?" or "What are you getting out of this?" etc. These women are left somewhat speechless. They all seem to offer up some half assed excuse that the two people in this equation love one another. This is not true. The following are three signs your man has fallen out of love with you:

“If he’s not calling you, it’s because you are not on his mind. If he creates expectations for you, and then doesn’t follow through on little things, he will do same for big things. Be aware of this and realize that he’s okay with disappointing you. Don’t be with someone who doesn’t do what they say they’re going to do. If he’s choosing not to make a simple effort that would put you at ease and bring harmony to a recurring fight, then he doesn’t respect your feelings and needs. “Busy” is another word for “asshole.” “Asshole” is another word for the guy you’re dating. You deserve a fcking phone call.”
― Greg Behrendt

1) He doesn't call. (Insert romantic, dramatic sigh) Remember the good old days when he put in a phone call, text, letter and it was so thoughtful and frequent? It seems everyone is trying to get back to some point previously in their life instead of embracing the future and their current moment. I am not sure why people think that going backwards is progress but it is not. In this mentality my friends often say "I wish that it was like in the beginning when he used to call..." First of all, you have let him get away with treating you a way that makes you unhappy.  YOU have failed yourself in this relationship! Men treat you the way you let them treat you period. The truth is that there are men out there that will take you to hell and back if you let them (I would know I have been there a few times). BUT! These men can only do what you let them. If YOU  accept that your boyfriend never calls when he says he will, or never returns your calls or just in general just acts like he doesn't give a f*ck, then in all likelihood he IS NOT INTO YOU. If you are constantly putting effort in and calling and forcing him into talking you when it is pretty obvious that he does not want to talk to you...by his not calling and engaging.  Why are you acting so desperate? Think about it. When you care for someone you put effort in. This does not change whether you have penis or not. Secondly, why are you trying to go back in time?  Going back is not progressive, going back is not growth.  If your current moment is so terrible than try living in that moment! Realize “Hey, this sucks, I am out”  You are not doing yourself any favors attempting to go back and make your boyfriend act the way he use to when he cared about you.  I am sorry, but his feelings have changed, and thus so have his actions.  THERE IS NO GOING BACK.

“It's very tempting when you really want to be with someone to settle for much, much less -- even a vague pathetic facsimile of less -- than you would have ever imagined. Remember always what you set out to get and please don't settle for less. These guys exist because there are a lot of women out there who allow them to.”
― Greg Behrendt

2) He acts nonchalant. If you are finding that you are making all the plans and thinking for your boyfriend than he is NOT INTO YOU. Seriously some people may be reading this and thinking who would not get these signs, trust me A LOT of people don't get it. It is hard to understand falling out of love. It is hard to lose someone. It is very hard all around to love. This is true. But, it is apparently not hard to be foolish. Give your head a shake. I do not want to hear ever again that men are more complex than this, if a man is acting like he does not care about you, then GUESS WHAT?? He does not care about you. I have heard so many excuses from he is stressed, etc., but these problems are not for women to sift through as to why they are being treated like sh*t. No. Straight up. If you are chasing your man all over and he is really acting like he doesn't care than he he doesn't care. Why? You may ask does he stay with you. A better question is: have you given him any other option but to stay with you? If you have been calling, chasing, nagging and pretty much forcing someone to be with you than it is no wonder they are aloof and yes in a dream world they would let you down easy and walk away but some men are lazy and it is easier to stay with you than to try and break up with you.   Perhaps he even still says he loves you, or that he misses you, all of this is so nice to hear but that does not make it true.  (Saying "I love you" can be the easiest way to avoid confrontation). Perhaps they are not sure what they want, but while they do not want to be with you they still care about you so they just keep you on the back burner.  Perhaps their love has turned cold but they are equally finding it hard to let go, you can literally insert a million perhaps excuses here but at the end of the day it all boils down to they do not care like they use to.  It is so mind blowing that we live in a society where women do not believe it is over until we are completely dumped and will therefore put up with a smorgasbord of douchery because we think that there is still hope.  It is over for him if he has given up and you are creating a relationship for him that he is not participating in.


“We have become a sloppy bunch of people. We say things we don't mean. We make promises we don't keep. "I'll call you." "Let's get together." We know we won't. On the Human Interaction Stock Exchange, our words have lost almost all their value. And the spiral continues, as we now don't even expect people to keep their word; in fact we might even be embarrassed to point out to the dirty liar that they never did what they said they'd do. So if a guy you're dating doesn't call when he says he's doing to, why should that be such a big deal? Because you should be dating a man who's at least as good as his word.”
― Greg Behrendt

3) He agrees you should break up. Do you know what men do when they want to be dating? They don't agree a break up is best. Some people believe that it is only possible to understand how much someone cares for them if they are breaking up, because then the person will figure out how great they are. Newsflash! If someone thinks you are great when they are with you than they will not want to break up. It is a very juvenile mentality to think that breakups will improve your relationship. Once again for the record: Your life is not a Hollywood movie. In reality if you break up with someone then you are done. They do not have a revelation that you were the most perfect being and come crawling back. Another NEWSFLASH: if you want this instead of a healthy partner you may want to get your head examined. Love is pure and easy you should never have to force it with drama.  Also, if you are constantly "breaking up" and never actually standing your ground than it is no wonder your boyfriend doesn't give two f*cks when you tell him it is over. He has heard it a million times and truth be told he probably would actually enjoy it being over to get done with all the drama of your relationship. How would you feel if every day I came to your house at 5 am and told you I was going to do something unpleasant, you would eventually yell out "JUST DO IT ALREADY AND BE DONE WITH IT!" It is no wonder he is agreeing. He wants to break up and you have told him you want to so many times that you should probably just break up if you both think it is such a great idea.  Truth be told you planted the break up seed, you watered frivolously and then you are surprised (and hurt) that he wants to see this damn plant bloom already.  See your part in his feelings changings, you contributed to this fall out and now he is done.

I am so tired of hearing excuses by women to keep men. They think for them. Act for them. They are in a one sided affair and they know it but will never admit it. One the flip side I am so tired that men are too lazy to say that they are done and stand firm. Instead they treat their women like garbage and don't care what happens. It is a sad reality that comes from desperation. Desperation to be loved. Desperation to lose. It is terrible to watch your friends being pathetic in the name of love you want them to wake up and realize that he is just not into you.  But, change only comes from self-actualization that you are trapping someone into being with you because you don’t want to let them go.  If you are thinking it is not fair and I don’t get it than you are probably in one of these situations and I am sorry, it is hard to realize that someone does not love you anymore, it is even harder to realize that feeling will never come back.  But, it is unhealthy to stay in a toxic fueled drama you label love because you are to self-focused to realize it is over.   (I have been this person, I have lived this situation, I have forced my love on others, and I am telling you it does not work.  Sometimes you cannot fix what is broken, it is broken not to be repaired but to grow into a new direction).  Thanks for reading! XO