The Upside to Breakups

“Let’s start with this statistic: You are delicious. Be brave, my sweet. I know you can get lonely. I know you can crave companionship and sex and love so badly that it physically hurts. But I truly believe that the only way you can find out that there’s something better out there is to first believe there’s something better out there. What other choice is there?” 
― Greg Behrendt, He's Just Not That Into You

First I would like to acknowledge that I personally am in a very healthy and happy relationship with The American.  However...

Lately I have been feeling the anxiety of all my lady friends.  The anxiety that comes from sticking it out with a man who makes you miserable.  These feelings are all too familiar to me and therefore I have decided to write this week about three fabulous upsides to walking away from your misery….or should I just say it getting rid of your man.

1)      So long everyday heart ache! I can’t tell you that break ups initially feel very good.  In fact, the opposite is true.  But, I can tell you that after the initial sting is over you will realize that sun shines a little brighter since your ex is gone.  In fact you will feel a little lighter! What is that?? That old ball and chain that was weighing you down is gone?  Congratulations you just lost (insert your Mr. X’s weight here) pounds! You have never looked better!  I can’t tell you what kind of life you are going to have post break up because I am not psychic.  However, I can tell you that you will not be miserable every day.  I can tell you that you will not have useless fights over trivial shit every day.  Lastly I can tell you that you won’t wake up anxious to the drama of the day.  You will just wake up, and you know what?  It will be a brand new day.  It will be full of potential and it will be yours.  After my last most recent break up I was recapping with a co-worker and she said this to me “Be thankful you did not marry him.”  She was completely right.  See the end is not always a bad thing!  In fact shortly after the end you will realize THANK GOODNESS you did not spend another second of your life with the person who made you unhappy every day.  The person who made you want to be single.  The person who annoyed you to no end and took you for granted.  The person who made you question your self worth and feel sub par everyday.  Quit making yourself miserable.

“I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.” - Marilyn Monroe

2)      GROW UP! SO! Interesting phenomena I witnessed on Facebook recently was people criticizing the above quote and you know what I found myself agreeing with their point of view.  Breakups teach us things we need to learn.  If you have this attitude that your good times are SO GOOD that you are therefore entitled to be a dick than you are headed for disaster.  My break up from Mr. X taught me so much about myself it was the best thing that ever happened to me.  It taught me so much about what not to have in a partner and in a relationship.  It taught me how to communicate and STAY BY WHAT I SAY in a respectful manner.  It taught me how to be happy and appreciate all the things he was lacking that I was starving for in my life.  It made me realize what I needed to change in myself.  It made me grow.  It most importantly made me grow up.  Have you ever dated someone and thought they were about as mature as a ten year old?  You know! You try and talk to them about things and they either have a tantrum, or pout, or over react, or cry and you are trapped trying to reason with some one who just doesn’t wanna! They need to grow up.  But, the truth of the matter is if you are struggling to be the only emotional mature person in your union so do you.  You need to grow up and realize you CAN’T CHANGE PEOPLE, we all grow up on our own, in fact sadly some people never do. 

“Don’t be flattered that he misses you. He should miss you. You are deeply missable. However, he’s still the same person who just broke up with you. Remember, the only reason he can miss you is because he’s choosing, every day, not to be with you.” 
― Greg Behrendt, He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys

3)      Full potential.  I have blogged about this before that is that when you are a 1 of 2 you are always thinking for two.  I hate when I ask my girlfriend what she is doing Saturday night and she says that she has to check with her boyfriend or husband…the tragedy of when two become one.  THE GREAT NEWS IS divorce and breakups make this equation obsolete!  There is no more “checking in” there is just you and your full potential.  I think that some people are afraid to embrace this change because they view it as loneliness, or they no longer have an excuse as to their behaviours, or whatever.  EMBRACE your full potential! I did.  Since I moved to the best city for me, landed my dream job and I don’t answer to anyone I see potential like it is going out of style!  I am not saying that potential is not possible with the right partner!  What I am saying is that if your life takes off like a bat out of hell after you end your stagnant union than you were with the wrong partner.  If you feel like you have hit a rut in your life but your partner looks as happy as a pig in sh*t than I am sorry to say but you are with the wrong partner.  I refuse to hear excuses from people saying “Oh but I just need to move here (insert town you hate) and work (insert job you hate) with (insert people that treat you poorly) for four more years while my husband, wife, boyfriend, etc…”  What a joke.  No one should put their life on hold for anyone else.  AND! If you truly love someone you won’t ask them to.  Do you know I have broken up with men because I was moving away and I did not want them to leave their incredible lives where they were happy?  Yes, I have.  These relationships were fun and taught me about love but they were not meant to be.  I also knew I needed to start fresh in new places.  Break ups take us places we will never dream of with the wrong person.

“You picked a lemon, throw it away lemonade is overrated. Freaks should remain at the circus, not in your apartment. You already have one asshole. You don’t need another. Make a space in your life for the glorious things you deserve. Have faith.”
― Greg Behrendt, He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys

I don’t want to be cliché here and say the obvious that break ups lead you to your GREATEST love affiars and possibly even your soul mate.  This seems to be the focus of many women that they will have to try again with someone new.  I say LUCKY YOU!  Finding love is the fun.  Shopping around is what makes you realize what you want and DON’T WANT!  Dating is the spice of life.  If you have given up on dating than I am afraid that you have given up on yourself for too many reasons.  Lastly! Dating brings you smack dab right in front of a man who will make all other men pale in comparison.  Dating will make you realize how incredibly luckily you are when you find someone amazing.  Dating teaches you how to interact with strangers and just plain strange men.  It is all relative.  The truth is if you are afraid of breaking up because you don’t know what is on the other side, I am telling you what is on the other side is your amazing life.  Be brave enough to grab it and ride it like the wind.  Thanks for reading! XOXO

Pictures this week are women who fabulously survived heart ache and are amazing. XO

PLEASE READ: Greg Behrendt's He is Just Not That Into You: The No Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys
All other QUOTES: From GOOGLE!