What I learned from Mr. X

Let's back track a moment to May long weekend, can we say "Wedding overload!" It seems like my Facebook feed was a plethora of newly weds.  Congratulations all you gorgeous new love birds!! Among these smiling faces was Mr. X, not at his wedding, but his sister. This is the first time I have seen his face since our demise, and thankfully there were no feelings of discontent any longer at seeing him. But, it made me realize how much I have learned, what magnificent phoenix has arisen from the ashes from the demolition of our explosive break up. The following are five lessons we learn when we lose in the game of love:

"To love and win is the best thing, to love and lose, the next best."
- William Makepeace Thackeray

1) It is better to have loved and lost.  Once the dust clears from your crumbled heart and you are done floating around all the reasons why the two of just were not right, you come to grips with the fact you loved someone who did not want to love you anymore.  This hurts and for some reason always embarrasses me.  The shame comes from feeling judged and not good enough.  However, all the things which you learned about yourself and love, ONLY AFTER the love is gone makes this experience essential to be whole, not only with yourself but for all future relationships you wish to have.

"Tell me what you want, what you really, really want."
- Spice Girls

2) You realize what you want.  Here is an example which demonstrates one of the main reasons I fell in love with The American. The American speaks so kindly of his sister.  I appreciate this so much!! Mr. X often said "I love her because she is my sister, but I don't like her."   What a horrific thing to say about your blood.  Something I came to realize I really wanted was a man who acted on what he said, and treated his family with respect.   Words often reflect in action and so the dialogue and actions of Mr. X painted a clear image for me of what I did not want to ever have in my life again, but also made me realize more importantly what was important to me and what I wanted!

Sometimes a woman will look back on what she had, not because she wants to go there but to motivate her to do better.” 
― Reuben " Mulah Truth " Holmes II

3) Get what you want.  Failed romances not only teach us what we want but how to get those things.  Taking time to reflect, what went wrong? Why? And what was your role? Are all questions that will aid you in deciphering how to get what you want in your relationship.  Only failed attempts at trying to get what you want will lead you to success, but only after you truly look at yourself and ask where you lost your way.  I can pin point the exact moments I should have left my previous relationships, and even before that where I had lost my way.  Where communication was lost and I had just given up, in giving up I turned to others for the fulfillment I needed from my partner.  This self reflection is vital to develop your relationship skills and be successful in staying healthy and heard in your future partnerships.

"One forgives to the degree that one loves."
- La Rochefoucauld 

4) Forgiveness.  It is not a two way street in the case of Mr. X.  I have forgiven a lot of wrongs and feel good.  However, you must forgive your Mr.X and yourself.  Sometimes relationships drive us to the brink of madness and we say terrible things.  Sometimes people treat you shabby to teach you pain. All poor relationship actions teach us how to be healthy.  Learn from it, forgive, move on.  This lesson applies to new love too, FORGIVE your lover and let go.  One will never resolve relationship issues and move forward if you dwell on past incidents or fights.  Let go, find peace, or move on.

"Never underestimate your power to change yourself. Never overestimate your power to change others."
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

5) Lastly, your Mr. X  will make you realize what you are capable of.   That is right.  Once you have wallowed around in a mountain of your used Kleenexes and empty wine bottles you will wake up one day and realize you are not defeated! While you thought your Mr. X a wretched person for ripping your heart out, you soon realize that life goes on.  Life continued on and your heart kept beating and actually your life got a lot better.  You make amazing goals, you take steps and risk it all on yourself and find that you are capable of anything and in this self actualization you will most likely realize that your Mr. X was keeping you from a lot of actions that you will find define your happiness, enjoy your journey.

Our exes teach us so much about love, heartache, strength, endurance, and success. What they teach us by breaking our heart's are lessons that are invaluable.  So at the end of what you once deemed as cruelty you will come to be thankful.  They free us to learn that we are worth more, and not that we are worth more than them, but that we are worth more than the person we valued ourselves as when we were with them.  They show us a life without them that is amazing, that being single and dating is a blast.  But, most important they teach us the lessons we need to learn to appreciate the person we are truly meant to be with when they finally find us.
Thanks for reading!