Separate Beds: What does it mean?

"I love sleep.  My life has a tendency of falling apart when I am awake."

-Ernest Hemmingway

I first need to apologize for my own bias.  When I was first asked to blog about this topic by a dear girlfriend of mine (who will remain anonymous) I thought the worst.   To me personally I want to wake up everyday to the man I love and fall asleep the same way.  But, this does not mean my opinion is for everyone.  The following are three scenarios where separate beds may save your union.

 “Each night, when I go to sleep, I die. And the next morning, when I wake up, I am reborn.”
― Mahatma Gandhi

1) He (or perhaps she) snores or has sleepapnia. Here is the truth sleepapnia is frightening!!! I saw it for the first time three years ago and it is loud and disconcerning. If you or your partner has a sleep disorder that causes your mate to not sleep a wink than separate beds is the caring move to make! I never thought snoring would be a reason but! My family snores and recently I realized how disruptive earth shattering loud snores can be.  Sleep deprivation is not fun, if your relationship suffers from one of you not sleeping, separate beds might be for you.

 “Making love with a woman and sleeping with a woman are two separate passions, not merely different but opposite. Love does not make itself felt in the desire for copulation (a desire that extends to an infinite number of women) but in the desire for shared sleep (a desire limited to one woman).”
― Milan Kundera, The Unbearable Lightness of Being

2) You work ridiculous hours.  The truth is if you work 12 hour night shifts and your partner works different hours separate beds may be best! No one wants to get up at 4am, let's be honest.  In particular if your mate has woken you up several times in the night.  Sleep is crucial to work accountability and productivity.  Without sleep you may as well not go to work.  Sleep deprivation has often been compared to being intoxicated. If this sounds like you than separate beds may be just right for your relationship.

 “Sleep is my lover now, my forgetting, my opiate, my oblivion.”
― Audrey Niffenegger, The Time Traveler's Wife

3) You have settled but you are not in love.  Sorry folks but my answers are not all sunshine, lollipops and rainbows, I am a realist.  People settle.  They settle every second of everyday because they are tired of searching for the right one, they have been together for years, there are a million reasons, so at the end of the day you are happier sleeping alone and waking up not face to face with a partner who you are not crazy about. If you have settled and are not happy separate beds are for you.

 “Even a soul submerged in sleep
is hard at work and helps
make something of the world.”
― Heraclitus, Fragments

The truth is whether you share a bed or not does not define your relationship. I prefer to grow old sleeping in the same bed, like my parents did, and still do as my mom has a small bed pushed up against my dad's hospital bed.  That to me is love.  But,we all have our own constructs of love and you must do what makes you happy.  Sleep is essential to mental and physical health so as long as you find a way to balance sleep and your relationship you are on the right path.  Thanks for reading. XO