Be A Warrior

So, I have been gathering my thoughts and emotions about this post and it had taken me longer than anticipated.  As most of you know my dad has a rare muscle degenerating disease called Inclusion Body Myostis (IBM).  He has care workers that get him out of his hospital bed into his wheel chair and vise versa.  He has the use of one arm which he can raise enough to still feed himself.  But, mentally he's sharp as a tack. And, it got me to thinking the following three things:

1) We are all struggling with hard decisions.  My dad wants to live in the house his hard earned money bought.  My mom wants him to be properly cared for and be in a facility that is able to do that.  And me? I can't side with either.  They are your parents.  How does one grow up and make these decisions? And, I know you too have aging parents and maybe your dad had a heart attack but won't change his eating habits, or your grandmother has dementia and fights the nurses at the nursing home.  We are all growing into adult real pain and hard decisions and it is brutal.

2) We all have pain.  Do you ever just cry? Like sit down alone and let it out? And you cry because of all the dads in all the world your magnificent one had to get riddled with illness and it isn't fair.  You're not alone.  I do this too.  In the shower so I can claim the old shampoo in the eye trick.  We all have immense pain at this age.  Some of us have lost the love of our life, our child, our parent and I want to tell you.  When you feel your pain and cry I am with you. You are not alone.  In a world that may seem too busy to care we are all hurting.

3) You are a f#cking warrior. So when I get all egocentric and processing how my dads illness effects me I think about how it effects him. He. Is. A. F#cking. Warrior. How he finds the strength to get out of bed everyday at the crack of dawn through the pain is strength.  How he smiles away all day while his sharp mind is literally trapped in a body that won't work is strength.  How he stays the course is inspiration.  We are warriors together to love through the struggle.  To never give up together.  To be proud we have adapted and grown and realized what we can endure.  We are warriors in a time where weakness is so appealing.

And, as there is nothing one can do but be strong and cry and just keep going that is what we do.  I don't know what tomorrow brings or how to make the tough decisions but no one does.  All we can do is breathe.  Thanks for reading. XO