Between being a shoulder to lean on for a guy who you think has everything and the object of lust of a dangerously attractive Maverick I noticed that men need some serious TLC. In fact their egos may be more fragile than I once assumed. And, all it took was a small act of kindness in telling them how special they are for them both to open up about how they had felt the opposite and it made me wonder about the following. (In writing this post I also made a startling revelation of where I had so simply failed the men I have loved).
1) We are worrying ourselves into depression. I came to realise even when you're the nicest guy in town with everything going for you; or a smoldering fox with George Clooney potential you worry. You worry you won't have or maybe don't even want to have kids, or get married, and other social norms, and that this is a failure on your part. Fixating on normalcy is killing your happiness and your relationships. It creates insecurity and depression and dims that gorgeous shine. Worrying about what could have been, rather than realizing how wonderful you are, was ruining you. Never allow the fact that you aren't like everyone else take away from your self appreciation.
2) Change isn't always good. Change for your own growth and development is fantastic. But changing because someone else wants you to is ridiculous. You are who you are for a reason. We are all on our own path creating our own environments. You know what changing for the wrong reasons breeds? Resentment. It fuels sensations of not being good enough. It fosters lashing out and going numb, and sadly it also causes desperate changes. The truth is you shouldn't try and love someone you want to change and vice versa. Real love is appreciation of that person in their strange, messy, wild entirety. And, if someone wants to change you then they don't appreciate you and that is just down right ludicrous.
3) Forgive yourself. You are worth a love that is so bright the sun envies it. You are worth everything you want. But, in order to believe this you need to forgive yourself for being you. Forgive yourself for hurting others in your past. Let go of the mistakes you made and who you use to be. It doesn't define you. Let go of the resentment of rejection. Forgive yourself for your life and accept that all the dark moments made you appreciate the delicate beauty of your stars. Your journey isn't perfect but it made you who you are and that is nothing to be ashamed of. None of us are perfect but I think you're pretty damn close!
I found it surreal that two men who look like have it all in life were suffering. It made me think of how many other men out there are in pain. They felt sad and broken and worst of all ashamed. I couldn't understand how the world had tossed them about so much that they didn't realise how magical they are. So I did what I could do to encourage them to shine. Like we should all do. And, I realized where I had made breaking point mistakes in the past through hearing these two men. I became conscious to feed a warrior with this heart and never tear a good man down. Some days we get so caught up in expectations that we completely forget to just listen and comfort. Thanks for reading. XO
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