"Players only love you when their playing"
-Fleetwood Mac
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The strings of my heart have been truly played twice in my entire romantic career. What I mean by this classy analogy is that I have been played twice by two different men with less than respectable reputations. These two men, who will remain nameless, were able to spin a web of wonderful words that everyone woman wants to hear which I fell fast and hard for. It is not so much that I fell in love with them but I fell in love with their game. Truth be told I fell for the first one hard and fast and he left me broken hearted when as Snoop says he “dropped it liked its hot.” That is to say one day I was amazing in his eyes and the next day I was not even worth a text message. But, the funny thing is just last year I was played in the exact same manner by a man who I actually fell for because he reminded me so much of the first player. In fact I even said to Ms. M “He reminds me of (Player #1)." To which she laughed and reminded me that men like them "Are only a good time." The reality is that if either of these two men ran their game on me again I would eventually fall for them, but hopefully not as fast or hard. I came to this realization this week as Player #1 has resurfaced in my peripherals and I have been treading lightly with my emotions, constantly reminding myself that words are just words, and not to get carried away in his web of sweet nothings. BUT! Then I realized the three things that these players had done that I fell for, and decided that either for the benefit of the man wondering how to play a woman, or the woman wondering what it was that she fell for when she got played here are my reasons:
"Don't hate the player, hate the game"
-Ice T
-Fleetwood Mac
The strings of my heart have been truly played twice in my entire romantic career. What I mean by this classy analogy is that I have been played twice by two different men with less than respectable reputations. These two men, who will remain nameless, were able to spin a web of wonderful words that everyone woman wants to hear which I fell fast and hard for. It is not so much that I fell in love with them but I fell in love with their game. Truth be told I fell for the first one hard and fast and he left me broken hearted when as Snoop says he “dropped it liked its hot.” That is to say one day I was amazing in his eyes and the next day I was not even worth a text message. But, the funny thing is just last year I was played in the exact same manner by a man who I actually fell for because he reminded me so much of the first player. In fact I even said to Ms. M “He reminds me of (Player #1)." To which she laughed and reminded me that men like them "Are only a good time." The reality is that if either of these two men ran their game on me again I would eventually fall for them, but hopefully not as fast or hard. I came to this realization this week as Player #1 has resurfaced in my peripherals and I have been treading lightly with my emotions, constantly reminding myself that words are just words, and not to get carried away in his web of sweet nothings. BUT! Then I realized the three things that these players had done that I fell for, and decided that either for the benefit of the man wondering how to play a woman, or the woman wondering what it was that she fell for when she got played here are my reasons:
"Don't hate the player, hate the game"
-Ice T
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1) Persistence. I am not going to lie, some women may find this incredibly irritating but I do not. A man who you say "no" to but that does not take no for an answer will win every time with me. For example with Player #2 when I met him at the beach he constantly hit on me. He was a barrage of compliments, sexual suggestions and just plain asking to see me again. At first I laughed and said “No thanks” to which he said “That’s okay, maybe you will change your mind in a bit” When a man gives you all his attention it makes you feel special. Yes that is totally cliche but it is true. In a day in age when there are so many distractions and other women to focus on, the times when a man truly focuses one hundred percent on you for a long duration of time it is flattering. By the end of the day I did change my mind by the way, but only after about every half hour of him coming back to getting together and complimenting me for hours, (oh and vodka, there was also a lot of vodka.) Men have learned that persistence can mean success. “The man who persists at the end of the night doesn't persist because he's deeply, ravishingly in love with a girl; he persists because he's trained himself to do it. Most men replete with unrequited love will not insist a girl do ANYTHING; they simply bug her and beg her and bother her in the hopes that somehow that will change her mind.And that's the biggest difference between a persistent man and a man chasing women: the persistent man persists when it COUNTS.”[1] The truth is persistent works.
“It’s not lying, it’s flirting.”
― Neil Strauss, The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists
2) Compliments!!! And More...COMPLIMENTS! (this should possibly be number one) Here it is: NO WOMAN EVER GETS TIRED OF HEARING A COMPLIMENT. Who would? To hear that you are desirable, smart, funny, good at one thing it is awesome! “Cuddles and compliments are at the top of a list of 50 things that make a woman feel good.”[2] So, with this in mind, and with both players mentioned above compliments came easily out of their mouths. Every second word was a “You’re beautiful, or gorgeous, or sexy” But it is not just complimenting your physical appearance they also say how much they like certain things about you, whether you are funny or witty. The compliments come from all over with these kind of man and the truth is whether they say it to just you, or the whole world of women it is still nice to hear. Yes, I want to hear that I am beautiful everyday from someone who means it. Who doesn't? It makes your heart swoon with happiness to know someone thinks you are the cats pajamas. These two men of course have perfected how to give compliments that work for women. The thing is, I think that the majority of men have come to think that women do not like compliments or they think that they get sick of them or something, but women do not get tired of hearing them even if they act like they do not like them, we secretly LOVE that you gave us one, in fact you probably just made our whole day! in particular on a daily basis, yes you should absolutely hear you are beautiful everyday. If you are a man reading this go and tell a woman that she is stunning right now. So when the Players mentioned above flood you with little bits of pure compliments throughout your conversations you start to hear what they are saying and like it. Now here is my advice to you ENJOY IT! You deserve to be showered with nice words, you are awesome and deserve to hear it even if it is from a player. Regardless of the person telling you how amazing you are and their motives it is the truth and you should hear it, and I mean actually let it sink in because we all deserve that feeling. Also, I am not entirely convinced that players say things that they do not mean to women, if he wants you than you must have something that is captivating about you, right?
― Neil Strauss, The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists
2) Compliments!!! And More...COMPLIMENTS! (this should possibly be number one) Here it is: NO WOMAN EVER GETS TIRED OF HEARING A COMPLIMENT. Who would? To hear that you are desirable, smart, funny, good at one thing it is awesome! “Cuddles and compliments are at the top of a list of 50 things that make a woman feel good.”[2] So, with this in mind, and with both players mentioned above compliments came easily out of their mouths. Every second word was a “You’re beautiful, or gorgeous, or sexy” But it is not just complimenting your physical appearance they also say how much they like certain things about you, whether you are funny or witty. The compliments come from all over with these kind of man and the truth is whether they say it to just you, or the whole world of women it is still nice to hear. Yes, I want to hear that I am beautiful everyday from someone who means it. Who doesn't? It makes your heart swoon with happiness to know someone thinks you are the cats pajamas. These two men of course have perfected how to give compliments that work for women. The thing is, I think that the majority of men have come to think that women do not like compliments or they think that they get sick of them or something, but women do not get tired of hearing them even if they act like they do not like them, we secretly LOVE that you gave us one, in fact you probably just made our whole day! in particular on a daily basis, yes you should absolutely hear you are beautiful everyday. If you are a man reading this go and tell a woman that she is stunning right now. So when the Players mentioned above flood you with little bits of pure compliments throughout your conversations you start to hear what they are saying and like it. Now here is my advice to you ENJOY IT! You deserve to be showered with nice words, you are awesome and deserve to hear it even if it is from a player. Regardless of the person telling you how amazing you are and their motives it is the truth and you should hear it, and I mean actually let it sink in because we all deserve that feeling. Also, I am not entirely convinced that players say things that they do not mean to women, if he wants you than you must have something that is captivating about you, right?
“The truth is everyone is going to hurt you. You just have to find the ones worth suffering for”
― Bob Marley
3) Wit. Oh yes, the true player has an abundance of it. He uses it to make you laugh BUT he mainly uses it to it talk his way out of sticky situations he gets himself into. Fortunately, he also uses this wit to talk himself into situations. Both Players mentioned above have a immense amount of wit, they are able to banter back and forth with you on any topic easily and more often than not will have you laughing. So even if they know nothing about what you are talking about they will formulate a cute little answer and it will make you smile trust me. This wit enables them to give you a compliment and take your rejection with ease. They are able to smooth over your answer of “No” with a smart answer and confidence that makes their persistence not irritating. Wit enables them to keep the pace of their chase of you without coming off as desperate. Wit also embodies a level of intellect, whether it be socially or other wise that is impressive. Wit also enables them to dance around conversations they do not want to have elegantly and makes them incredibly likable to the majority of people. Wit is a quality that is endearing.
― Bob Marley
3) Wit. Oh yes, the true player has an abundance of it. He uses it to make you laugh BUT he mainly uses it to it talk his way out of sticky situations he gets himself into. Fortunately, he also uses this wit to talk himself into situations. Both Players mentioned above have a immense amount of wit, they are able to banter back and forth with you on any topic easily and more often than not will have you laughing. So even if they know nothing about what you are talking about they will formulate a cute little answer and it will make you smile trust me. This wit enables them to give you a compliment and take your rejection with ease. They are able to smooth over your answer of “No” with a smart answer and confidence that makes their persistence not irritating. Wit enables them to keep the pace of their chase of you without coming off as desperate. Wit also embodies a level of intellect, whether it be socially or other wise that is impressive. Wit also enables them to dance around conversations they do not want to have elegantly and makes them incredibly likable to the majority of people. Wit is a quality that is endearing.
"Experience is what allows us to repeat our mistakes, only with more finesse.”
― Derwood Fincher
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In 31 years of life to only come across two men that full on had this ability I think it is actually more rare than people think. Don't get me wrong, I have male friends that are also players, and have seen a lot of players out and about but only two have successfully ran their game on me. Also, not all men have this knack, see the true talent these two men posses is not only that they successfully played me (which they did) but that I would be a willing participant again. These men left me feeling, of course a little burned, but mainly with fun memories and feeling special. Once the burn heals you forget how it felt and are actually left with some awesome memories if you take this kind of man at his worth. The truth is one second I was enjoying my new life, single and happy as can be and the next second I am laughing at old memories and booking plane tickets to see Player #1 at the end of the month. And, I am not sure how I got from point A to point B. So with the entrance of Player #1 into my life I find myself asking if I should go down that road again. Cause the warmth of the fire feels so good doesn't it? It reminds us of good old memories and there is something so comforting about it that draws you to the flame. But it is not long after you get to near the fire that your poncho ignites or your sandal bottoms are melted to the rocks surrounding the object that you were so drawn to that you remember you can get burnt. In fact you remember the times you have got burned and back away. Emotions are just like this. It feels amazing to fall carefree into love. You of course do not take others advice as they warn you against falling so foolishly and this is exactly why: There is nothing like the overwhelming rush of falling for someone. The way your heart skips a beat when they text you when they wake up. The satisfaction of knowing that you are their first thought in the day and they yours. The flutter you get when you make plans to see them. It is all this wonderful experience that nothing compares to. Unfortunately with this experience is typically paired heart ache. And as nothing can compare to the beauty of love NOTHING can also compare to the pain of heartache. Where once there were feelings of hope and excitement can quickly turn to pain and despair. So is it worth falling in love? Is the gut wrenching shame of being rejected a small price to pay for butterflies and romance? Can one truly outweigh the other? Things to contemplate, but let’s face it once your heart strings have been plucked, the heart wants what it wants no matter how much the brain tries to scream “You are just going to break yourself again!”
― Derwood Fincher
In 31 years of life to only come across two men that full on had this ability I think it is actually more rare than people think. Don't get me wrong, I have male friends that are also players, and have seen a lot of players out and about but only two have successfully ran their game on me. Also, not all men have this knack, see the true talent these two men posses is not only that they successfully played me (which they did) but that I would be a willing participant again. These men left me feeling, of course a little burned, but mainly with fun memories and feeling special. Once the burn heals you forget how it felt and are actually left with some awesome memories if you take this kind of man at his worth. The truth is one second I was enjoying my new life, single and happy as can be and the next second I am laughing at old memories and booking plane tickets to see Player #1 at the end of the month. And, I am not sure how I got from point A to point B. So with the entrance of Player #1 into my life I find myself asking if I should go down that road again. Cause the warmth of the fire feels so good doesn't it? It reminds us of good old memories and there is something so comforting about it that draws you to the flame. But it is not long after you get to near the fire that your poncho ignites or your sandal bottoms are melted to the rocks surrounding the object that you were so drawn to that you remember you can get burnt. In fact you remember the times you have got burned and back away. Emotions are just like this. It feels amazing to fall carefree into love. You of course do not take others advice as they warn you against falling so foolishly and this is exactly why: There is nothing like the overwhelming rush of falling for someone. The way your heart skips a beat when they text you when they wake up. The satisfaction of knowing that you are their first thought in the day and they yours. The flutter you get when you make plans to see them. It is all this wonderful experience that nothing compares to. Unfortunately with this experience is typically paired heart ache. And as nothing can compare to the beauty of love NOTHING can also compare to the pain of heartache. Where once there were feelings of hope and excitement can quickly turn to pain and despair. So is it worth falling in love? Is the gut wrenching shame of being rejected a small price to pay for butterflies and romance? Can one truly outweigh the other? Things to contemplate, but let’s face it once your heart strings have been plucked, the heart wants what it wants no matter how much the brain tries to scream “You are just going to break yourself again!”
“I was no longer in the game to meet women; I was in the game to lead men.”
― Neil Strauss, The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists
[1]Amante,
Chase. “Why Chasing Women doesn’t work
and Why Persistence Does” (November 27, 2012) http://www.girlschase.com/content/why-chasing-women-doesn%E2%80%99t-work-and-why-persistence-does
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