I Survived

This week is a deeper reflection on a topic I have been thinking about a long time.  I survived two years of domestic violence with Mr.AA.  The following are three reasons I am where I am today, healthy and happy.  I am a survivor.

1) I got out.  I moved back to small town nowhere and helped my family deal with my dad becoming increasingly disabled.  Fortunately Mr. AA stayed in the flatlands and we broke up and never got back together.  I stayed with my parents and he stayed wherever he stayed I am not sure.  While I would give anything to have a better story of escaping my abusive cycle I don't.  However, I am alive.  Mr.AA threatened to kill me, one night he told me he would throw me into moving traffic right before twisting my wrist into a sprain and kicking my taillights in on my car because I caught him fooling around on me at the pub.  The only answer to survival is getting out, and staying out.  This is also the hardest step.

2) Support network.  I am incredibly grateful for my family.  They were there for me, cooking, caring, keeping me busy as I came back to life.  I came back to life.  I felt worth love slowly, I began to laugh and to feel joy.  I felt like I awoke from a depressing nightmare.  While in my abusive relationship I would have sworn I needed Mr.AA to feel good.  I felt totally addicted to him, because he broke me to a new low, from this low the small high I would get from the good times had my head a mess.   But, my circle of amazing friends and my family saved my life.

3) No Self Blame.  This is still something I sometimes struggle with.  It is not my fault that Mr.AA was abusive.  The moment you truly accept that it is not your fault you will be free.  Your abuser will break you to believe that you cause their actions.  This is a frightening mind game that comes from a vicious cycle of mental, emotional and physical abuse. You are not to blame for your abuse. Ever.  You need to hear this and know that no matter what you do in your relationship your partner never has the right to abuse you.  You deserve healthy interactions that empower you.  You are not to blame.

Forgive all the guilt, anger, pity and other negative feelings you have over your past relationships.  Surround yourself by uplifting support network.  I am a survivor of abuse and I am stronger than I have ever been.  I am not to blame, I am surrounded by love and most important I am alive, all because I got out. Thank you for your support by reading.