As The American looks for work, my lunachick wheels began to turn and I started to have unrealistic ideals of the possibilities. But, as time passes I become more and more aware that he may go back to Americaland and I will sail into the seas of singlehood. Right when these thoughts set in and I want to dig my spurs into the ground and try with all my might to keep The American I must remember the following three points:
1) Somethings are just not meant to be...ever. My dearest girlfriends Ms.K and Ms.J always the optimists, tell me that things have a way of working out. They surely do. Except not in the Rom-com sort of way we all wish they would. In reality people break up, for reasons out of thier control, and never get back together. It is a sort of sad truth, but a truth, none the less. It seems at the end of every relationship, my girlfriends always say "One day he will come crawling back..." I need to tell you this doesn't happen. They don't come back, thankfully!! And also you shouldn't go back either. When it is over, it is over. This doesn't mean this person was not your soul mate for a moment in time, nor does it mean that your relationship was not amazing. All it means is that some times the universe has other plans for you. You cannot cling to someone in the hopes they are your forever and ever mate, their life path is not yours to control.
2) Learn your lesson. Each union teaches us something amazing. The American has taught me how to appreciate someone, how to feel again and how to take a deep breath and sort sh*t out when communication is breaking down. These are invaluable lessons for life. Each person we date teaches us something about ourselves and others which we did not know before. Sometimes these people teach us what love is while others teach us what love should never be. Everyday we learn and grow and the time we share interacting with others is crucial to our self reflection and development. Learn as much as you can from your relationships, come out of them enlightened, not bitter. I have written about this before, how society makes us view our breakups as failures, however, I say clinging desperately to a dead
3) Know when to let go. The American probably has 99 problems weighing on his mind. I should not be one of those. The truth is when you truly love someone you do set them free. Not in the rip-thier-heart-out-never-forget-you kind of way. But, the realization that things just logically don't work. I mean long distance with no end goal, I mean he wants kids you don't kind of issues, I mean you want to get married and he says "nooooo way" kind of differences that are the end of your united goal. If you see that your union is no longer headed for the same future goal, that is okay, that is life. A relationship really only flows if both components have the same amicable goal, in particular, at this age. Not all of us want the same things. Some of us have to move, some of us have to stay, there are so many people doing what they have to do, we cannot stop one another from doing what we feel is right. We cannot force our will on others. We have to appreciate that their fate needs to take them where they need to go and it doesn't need you stalling the flow by clutching onto your love forcing them to stay.
We often guilt trip, fight, bribe, cry,etc., our way out of situations we don't like in order to make others do what we want. While this kind of behavior is fine for speeding tickets, it does not work for relationships. Love is not possession, it is appreciation. Love is learning, and sadly, love is letting go.
I added sexy men to brighten this post this week. Courtesy of Google.
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