LOVE = Terrifying.

“Funny thing about life is that it never turns out the way you want it to.” 
― S.L. Jennings, Fear of Falling

So I recently experienced the first feeling of uncertainty this week with The American and it shook me back to the realization that falling for someone sort of freaks me out.  There was a very brief, not serious moment where I read one of his texts and realized that I had no idea where the conversation was headed.  Was he going to say we are over or the opposite (fortunately he as usual said the best comment and we moved forward smoothly).  But, for that one second of uncertainty, (which I had not even contemplated given that I am so smitten) made me realize that rejection is possible.  That falling in love exposes us to the serious risk of being broken.  I look at my life over the past year and see that it is amazing.  I have done more in this year alone than I ever have in any of my previous relationship states.  I am more successful, healthy and have the highest self confidence I have ever had in my life, not to mention have meaningful friendships and relationships with my family.  All in all I would say in my year of being single I developed my life to a great potential which is exactly why falling in love is scary because does it mean this will all change?  So I got to thinking about falling for someone and I am not talking about superficial, been there, done that kind of love.  I am talking about recognizing that the person you are currently dating is the kind of person who has the ability to make you fall head over heels, deeply into sensational love.  And, while your relationship is filled with moments where you feel yourself falling into this person, your relationship is also going to have moments where you feel fear of losing said person.  The following are five reasons why love is some what terrifying:

“Your fears are not you. Do you hear me? They don't define who you are.” 
― S.L. Jennings, Fear of Falling

1) Uncharted territory! Yes by this ripe old age I have fallen in love several times, of course  (I believe all loves teach us lessons that are crucial to who we become).  But, the thing is new love is NEW! It is uncharted territory that can be intimidating. The person you are falling for is also shiny and NEW and so everything is very uncertain and unknown which is alarming! Because you do not know where these feelings are headed and more so what the object of your affection is actually capable of.  So yes, you have fallen in and out of love before but what if this new love is one that makes you fall like never before?  What if it is the kind of all in, soul wrenching, heart stopping, never recover from kind of love?  What if this person is truly your one?  Then what? And, so the uncertainty makes the whole situation somewhat unbearable to a person like me who loves to have a plan and feel secure (that is the Capricorn in me talking!).

“[...] when you know, you know. And you don't fight it. You don't deny the inevitable. You free fall because you know there's someone there to catch you on the other side.” 
― S.L. Jennings, Fear of Falling

2) He's the one.  So now you have found the one, now what?  Exactly.  Clearly if you have been dating up to this point and you have now found the one you are really not sure what happens next.  (Duh-duh-da-da-bridal theme music playing in the background) and you begin to freak out because wedding bells WHAT? You are not the type who wants to get married or have children and in fact you were actually pretty content kissing frogs and primarily being single until Prince Charming appeared and you began to talk about the future and that is when you realized.  Your future plans up until this point never really involved anyone but yourself and perhaps some cats or a dog.  But, a whole other person?  And you know from your past relationships it is only a matter of time before both your parents, friends, coworker start asking "So when are you two going to tie the knot, tick tock" and you begin to have a  bit of a panic attack over something that has not even happened yet but you are sure will once you fall in love.  Then there are so many things and plans to discuss and all these conversations sort of feel over whelming.  Because, when you are single you never really have to define your goals and share your aspirations with someone, you can just keep going in any direction you see fit.  (Note: This kind of panic is probably not felt by those who have been dreaming of a white wedding since they were old enough to play make believe.  BUT! To these individuals I strongly warn that you evaluate your love and MAKE SURE that he is truly your ONE and that you are not just forcing yourself to settle with someone out of your ideal future, remember it is far better to be alone than with the wrong person).

“... the scariest part about love isn’t love itself. It’s letting go and plunging into the unknown. It’s trusting someone with the very most sacred part of your heart. It’s allowing yourself to feel something foreign and uncharted, despite how much it terrifies the hell out of you” 
― S.L. Jennings, Fear of Falling

3) Control? What is that? So long control, hello love.  That is right falling in love is not something one can control.  It is also extremely powerful at making you completely defenseless against all other reason.  HOLD ON! You are about to jump on the roller coaster of love! One day you are happy alone buying groceries at the corner mart without a care in the world and BAM (damn cupid) the next you are finding yourself humming love songs while at said grocery mart, or smiling like an idiot at the bus station (and sometimes giggling) at reading one of his cute texts.  What. Has. Happened. To. You...You my friend are falling in love.  You are no longer in control of your ups and downs, no, they have been handed over to a higher power. The love gods have them now! And now when you would just wake up and start your day, well, now you wake up and think about someone, and smile and you are all smitten. This is an unnerving sensation.  Why?Because, you have lost control over your heart and emotions.   While yes you feel incredibly happy and lucky you also recognize that those feelings are not of your own doing.  So many emotion coming from someone else is a frightening revelation because you have got accustom to making yourself and others in your life happy.  You have grown to realize that you can be the center of your own joy and how to create positivism in your life so when you recognize your love interest is taking a huge role in creating your ups it can create a feeling of uneasiness.

“Love. It was the thing that bound us and tore us apart. It was our disease and the remedy of our shattered hearts. It was a sonofabitch.” 
― S.L. Jennings, Fear of Falling

4) They like me, they really like me! Wait a minute.  I am going to confess something that will probably make you say (awe-in pity) and that is fine, but it is a main reason why I have always had a hard time letting men get to know the whole me in the past.  I have always kept up a facade that I thought they would enjoy far more than the actual person I am until recently because of this:  One of my exes (Mr. AA to be precise you may recall he was abusive, addicted, all the wonderful A words he so rightly deserves to be labelled with) use to tell me this all the time: "Ya, guys will like you until they get to know you, the minute they get to know you they will leave you."  Ouch.  To hear that no one will ever love your personality from someone who really knows your personality is a hard thing to take in.  It shakes you to your core and time, after time, after time of being rejected you begin to think this statement is true.  That the real you is un-loveable, in fact not even all that likable.  So there is a huge fear behind being left because they truly get to know me, and well, quiet frankly just could not deal with what they saw.  Of course by now I am not afraid to expose my real personality to everyone all the time, living in fear of people not liking you is not healthy.  But, just because I am totally exposing myself to my lovers, friends, families and all you readers does not mean I am not worried about rejection.  I am, there is a moment after I post a blog or vlog where I think "Oh no, I am so strange, everyone is going to judge me and not like it." But, then I just realize that this kind of mentality is ridiculous.  So many people have reached out in support to me and I have amazing supportive friends and family.  SO! I have to remind myself that I am worth finding someone who appreciates me just the way I am, and hiding myself is not helping anything.

“[...] just remember, the storm doesn't last forever. It can scare you; it can shake you to your core. But it never lasts. The rain subsides, the thunder dies, and the winds calm to a soft whisper. And that moment after the storm clouds pass, when all is silent and still, you find peace. Quiet, gentle peace.” 
― S.L. Jennings, Fear of Falling

5) What if they leave you. Oh yes falling in love is grand, isn't it?  It is all sunshine and lollypops and rainbows and wonderful emotions that make you happy to be alive!  But, then one day as you are swooning over your love you begin to think about what it would feel like if he left you. Man, that would suck wouldn't it?  Or even worse! He met someone else! and they were getting all his affection and love, and it would be all over Facebook and Twitter and his parents would like her more than you and his friends too...  Welcome to Fearofrejectionland population pretty much everyone.  That is right, there comes a time with your love interest when you will just for a second worry what will happen when he takes that away?  OR! even worse he takes it away and he gives it to someone else all in front of you.  So your mind races around to a million scary/sad places and you begin to freak out, because love is scary.   Of course it is not fun to think of the joy of love being taken away from you.  It never is and never will be I am afraid.  And, in the beginning of course these thoughts are few and fleeting but they still on occasion rear their ugly little head at you.  But, unfortunately losing is a possible consequence of love.  I have blogged about this in the past, there is a risk for every action and taking a chance on love will always have the chance of hearth ache. There is no changing that.

“I’m afraid because, whenever he’s around, I’m not scared anymore. I feel…safe. Like being near him is the most natural thing in the world.” 
― S.L. Jennings, Fear of Falling

While it may seem ridiculous that the realization that something magnificent is possible is just as frightening as it is exciting, it is.  Falling is scary for the five reasons listed above yes, but worth it! If you let fear dictate your life you will miss out on some incredible journeys.  And, here is the thing, some of these journeys that we call love are not going to end well.  But, they will take you where you need to be for the love that does end well.  And, always remember it is far better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.  So I say jump in with both feet and love like you will never get hurt.  Honestly people who have been scared by great romance but still put them self back together to love again are the most courageous people.

As for me I am still impressed everyday by The American it is either his hilarious creative wit or small thoughtful actions or most days a combination of both (should pay credit to the fact that he is handsome of course) that has got me to thinking about the concept of love...am I falling into it?  It is too soon to tell regardless if being with him is wrong, than I don't want to be right! Thanks for reading! XOXO