You live, you learn.

It is right when you think Shirtless Matt is like all the rest and are happily dating that he will blind side you by reading your blog and sending you a sincere apology that will confuse your emotions.  But, not enough confusion for you to forgive him and welcome him back into your life as before.  But, then gradually like the ocean works the beach you begin to miss the way it felt to laugh at his goofy messages and blush at other texts and the feelings that you easily had.  Potential always has me day dreaming with my head in the clouds.  AND, nothing quite crashes you into the ground as when you decide to suck it all up and message him and he messages you that he has met someone.  I am not delusional, don't worry, Shirtless Matt lives miles away but it was the thought of him and what he could have been.  AND, as all less than awesome experiences are learning curves the following are three things I learned (painfully once again):

1) Never sell yourself short.  I felt like I had to prove myself as a good catch.  A very wise woman once told me never be with anyone that makes you feel not worth it.  (I have written about this before).  But, for some reason when I get a crush I always think they will feel the same way if they realize all I have to offer.  I mean after all I can cook and have my own cute place and a sweet little dog and a career which enables me to have full benefits which means they would have full benefits if things worked out and who doesn't want that?  WOAH!! Slow your roll.  I get all swept up in the mentality of if I just bake for him and be so "cool" and give it my all then he will also crush on me. And, then the sky is the limit...come back to earth girl.   I am aware at how crazy this sounds.  I have never denied being a lunachick.  This. Needs. To. Stop.  I am not alone and this is why I am outing myself.  Time and time again I see my girlfriends sacrifice their dignity to prove they are worthy of love and for what?  The truth is if you have to chase someone and try to make them interested then it is not meant to be.  And, I know, I know.  I was supposed to be waiting for the right kind of man to ask me out but I got swept up in a sea of memories of a childhood boy and the abs of a grown man and even the most strong willed women sometimes lose their way.

2) In the infamous words of Dr. Suess "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."  Rather than just saying "Hey, I think you are some kind of wonderful and I don't really care about the miles between us I think you should give me a chance."  I just stumbled along awkwardly hoping he would possibly realize that I was worth giving a shot to.  All the while he was not on the same page.  I wasted my time thinking there was a connection because in my mind there must have been.  What an idiot I was.  I promised myself to give things my all and not hide my feelings for people long ago, but sometimes, some men make you forget you are a bad ass b$tch (in the best sense of the word) and you find yourself floundering around sending him texts to get his attention, wondering if you are bothering him, (is he rolling his eyes when he sees it is from you?) Rather than just cut to the chase and cut my losses I held on to an ideal that was nothing more than my silly fantasy.  I was a fool, but I really have no one to blame but myself on this one.  I could have easily asked him if he was willing to see where things may go, after all with Skype, airplanes, highways and cell technology it can't be that hard if you are interested in trying.  And, if he thought I was totally delusional than at lease I would have know right away and been rejected toot-sweet rather than drag this out. Note to future self: Rip off the band aid quickly, it has less effect.

3) Move on gracefully.  So here is the truth.  Yes I formed a crush on someone unique and sexy.  I am not ashamed.  There is nothing wrong in finding someone crush worthy.  In fact when men crush on me I am always flattered. Being crushable is nothing to be laughed at.  So many people are taught that rejection is something to be ashamed of.  It is not.  It is part of trying and believing in the possibility of love.  It is part of growing and becoming the person you are.  All I can do now is admit I had a crush, I had ideas of grandeur, I was rejected and now I move on.  I go on dates, I feel a bit sad, I grow as a person and I accept what happened.  There is nothing more or nothing less.  If you never get rejected then you have never tried and what is the sense in that?  I could easily have not written this post and left Shirtless Matt as one of the douchey men in a string of men who have stolen my affection, but he is not.  And, men worthy of recognition deserve it.  I did not write him into my blog with the intention of painting him in a poor manner.  I wrote him because he awoke something in me that reminded me to get back into the dating game and find someone who feels the same way back.

Being truthful about dating is part of this crazy blogging world.  I could make everything seem like sunshine, lolly pops and rainbows but that is not real.  In reality not every man will want to date you back.  Not every man will see you as awesome.  Not every man will want your attention.  And, that is 100 percent okay.  The right man will think you are incredible and that is what we all deserve.  Thanks for reading! XO